How much fun did I have at E's wedding last week??? Most fun ever. It had been so long since all of the old gang had been together... basically a night of drinking, smoking, laughing, toasting, crying etc... anything besides sleeping. And who knew that E was like the most romantic guy ever? Not me! Just amazing!

Enough about that... let's get back to me!

Ok, remember Lavalife? Sometimes I wish I could forget. ...but...Here's the update. The crazy guy from last week turned out to be kind of a flake when it came to me. Still absolutely adorable, but he's not into me really and so that makes me not really into him. We may or may not turn into friends, I guess only time will tell.

As for my British cop... we were supposed to have gone out last Monday, but he got "called into work for an overtime shift". Yeah, right... and monkeys are flying out of my ass as I type. We are supposedly rescheduling-- his parents are visiting from England right now. Don't fret my pretties, I'll update you if anything further happens. So, back to Monday... Already being in the mindset of going out on a date, I got in touch with another guy who I had kind of been blowing off as I was seeing how things turned out with either of the two S's. We went out, he bought me dinner... very nice, very short, very bald (not that there is anything wrong with that... so far only one of my PNBs has had a full head of hair). Yikes.

I guess that brings us to Tuesday... actually Monday night (after my date) ended up chatting with a bloke who had emailed me on Lava... Another Brit if you can believe it? I can't. What are the freaking odds that 2 English expats are both interested in me... I feel like I've died and gone to Petty heaven... Anyway, this one is a chemist, PhD... So, back to Tuesday. We went out, had some drinks and omg, most adorable guy EVER! Had a great time... too bad he's already kind of dissed me. But again, I'll have to see what transpires in the near future. Not sure if I'm cut out for all these dizzying highs, and awful lows.

I guess this is where I should insert a LavaKu. Never wanting to disapoint, here you go:

Hey, thanks for the smile
Too bad you're a Freak Monkey
I'll be blocking you

Until next time kiddies...

Petty Out!


So the big news is......................

Drum role please.............................

I am back in the dating scene (sorry D if you are reading this... just got bored of hanging with the 2 people I know in this town). Yes, it's true... my rubber arm was twisted and I signed up last week on Lavalife. What can I say about it except that it is pretty much the most hysterical thing that I have ever done. It's like going shopping, but for men (and or women, depending on your prefence). For those of you unfamiliar with how it works... let me present to you Lavalife 101.

The first thing you do is write a profile of yourself. And you better make it good because this is peoples' first impression of you. A picture is a necessity because no one will really give your profile a glance if you don't have one... no matter how well written it is. And then the shopping begins. You basically "browse" for the type of guy you are looking for and then scroll through the hundreds available. When you see someone you like, you send them a smile. If they are into you, they send you a smile back, or an mail, or an IM... whatever strikes their fancy. And vice versa. And then, if you don't think they are too freaky, you give them your msn or whatever you happen to use for a personal email and then.... well, you get the picture.

And have I had any luck... you may be asking yourselves? Perhaps. While there a many, many, many freaky people on LL, there are also some nice ones. I had my very first date last night actually. We had some great chemistry on msn and over the phone and I have to say theat he was WAY cuter than any of the pictures that he had sent me... That reminds me, I must tell him that the pics didn't do him any justice and he should think of changing them... or maybe I won't. Would that be evil? Anyway, he was very nice, extremely funny... would love to hang with him again and get to know him a little more. But I guess the important question is whether he thought the same. Didn't hear from him today so I am thinking I greatly offended him in some way. Was it my big fat ass? Perhaps?

But you know what? No worries. Got a few other cuties waiting on the back burner... including a very adorable police officer who just moved here from the UK. Can anyone say "Dream Guy"??? In fact, I have a phone date with him tonight. And of course there are others. Stay tuned to Petty's One Lavalife to Live for future updates.

That's it for now,

PS. Anyone watch the last debate? Too funny!


I'm here,

Been a while, I know, but hey, I never made any promises. Oh wait, I did. Oops.

So, the TIFF is over... so sad. Saw my little Legolas. Saw Mr. Darcy. My life is complete..... JK, althought it was pretty neat. But it is all over and done with and despite the complete lack of sleeping action that took place during the festival I wish that it was still going on. Most fun... ever!

And so, what has replaced it, you may be asking yourselves? You guessed it, the US Presidential Race. As you know-- that is unless you are just some random person who doesn't know me from Adam and stumbled upon this blog by accident-- I am a history freak and of late, I find myself fixated to world events that will be looked on by future generations as "history". It is my belief, and I am somewhat knowledgable in this area... It is my belief that in following these elections, I am watching History in the making. And do not fear, there is a PresidentialKu included in this entry.

So, of course I am a Kerry supporter. It's possible that I am more of a fan of his stepson, but I have yet to figure that one out. It's also possible that I subscribe to the slogan "Anyone but Bush" more than supporting Kerry himself, but again... Oddly enough, I do think that hotty stepson aside, Kerry is actually worthy of the office based on his own merits. And if I hear "wishy-washy" or "flip-flop" one more time. They're right up there with "shock and awe". Remember that one from the attack on Iraq... I don't hear the Kerry/Edwards campaign using the phrase "dumbass" and "metard"... They are far too classy, but it would be SO appropriate.

Ode to Kerry

Oh, that you might win
Once more, sanity down south
Tell Chris to ring me

Ode to Bush

We know, it's HARD work
Attacking the wrong country
Poor little toadey

Two'Kus for the price of one.

I'm outtie


Hey Peeps,

I guess I should say a big hello to those of you who are actually checking back now and again to see if I have been updating. And of course I haven't been. It's been ages and I am sorry. I promise to be a little more diligent from now on although.... I think I already promised that once already and nothing really came of it. I would hate to be known as someone who breaks promises so maybe I will just say that I will try to be more diligent from now on. But, yet, at the same time, I make a point of following the wise advice of the Jedi Master, which is to do or do not, there is no try. OK, how about this. I will update this whenever I can/feel like it/have something to say/am bored/all of the above. Does that sound satisfactory? I thought so.

Now, what the heck has been going on with Toronto me? The following should give you a general picture of what my life has been like over the past month... give or take. These are in no particular order.

1) Started a job with the Canadian Olympic Committee. Pretty cool
2) Co-wrote an novel from start to finish in 3 days and entered it into a contest to get it published... I think that is wicked cool!
3) Started a production company with my friend Dee: Shadow Play Productions. Check it out.
4) Had my cat Oreo flown out. A wee bit of a challenge to get two cats to get along.
5) Volunteered/ am volunteering with the Toronto International Film Festival. Pretty much the most fun I have had... ever... and I worked for Club Med, people!
6) Got to see Orlando Bloom... In person. That's right, in the flesh. And... got to meet the director of his movie. And..... his rep. Is he as cute as he is in his photos and movies... yep. (I also saw Ben Mulroney the other day but in no way do I actually count that as a celeb sighting.)
7) Met the head producer of a big production company here in Toronto who has agreed to look at some of my stuff. Yippee!
8) Watched the Olympics--one of the best comedies I have seen in a long time. Someone should sign that Canadian team to a sitcom deal. I am thinking something like Friends, but with more flips. Oh, and also co-composed an alternative version of our national anthem: No Canada, We really, really suck, Can't win a medal, Who knows why the ......." etc, etc.
8) A bunch of other stuff that I can't remember right now because I am so tired from being uber volunteer and having a cat who doesn't let me get any sleep at night!

But before you start saying out loud... "Wow, that Petty sure has a great life in the Big Smoke", there are still some things that have yet to sort themselves out. Here they are, once again, in no particular order.

1) Psycho landlord had a huge freakout on my head for NO reason whatsoever. He is fucking nuts! And I don't mean that in the "KS, gun-loving, devil-voice doing, over-smoking" kind of way-- I mean certifiable like "you really belong in Eric Martin on some heavy meds for the rest of your life" kind of crazy. He is not allowed back into our loft and...
2) While that is a good thing on so many levels, it means that our construction has now come to a grinding halt because Dee and I have just been too busy to get someone else in here to finish it off. Poo.
3) Love life? We don't need no stinking love life?
4) Petty has not "Been Petty" for a very long time :(
5) The TIFF, which has of late become my raison d'etre will be over on Saturday. Whatever shall become of me?

JK-----------> hand sign



Helloski Friends,

Just a few things on my mind today folks. With that in mind, I would like to take this opportunity to introduce a new segemt on Be Petty called: "What's up with the World?!?!?!?!?!"

So WUWTW? Plenty O' crazy things. For one, that crazy beeyatch Linndie England? Have you been following this? She is the US Army chick who was photographed with the naked Iraqi POWs??? Well apparently, at her court martial hearing, she claimed she was "just following orders". OK, is it just me or have we heard THAT particular excuse before? Say, at the Nuremburg Trials? From all those Nazi and Einszatgruppen mo fo's? And her superiors calling her a rogue soldier? Is NO ONE going to take responsibility for the fact they they sexually abused people, regardless of who they are and what they may or may not have done? And does anyone have faith that the Bush administration will get to the bottom of the whole affairs(s)? I think not. Anyway, be assured that I will have more to say on this whole disgusting turn of events. POO.

And..............................on a happier note, the Olympics are just a weekish away. Are you all as excited as I am? I think not. Oh, FYI, I'll soon be working for the Canadian Olympic Committee. Questions? Call me. Anyway, I LOVE THE OLYMPICS! If it is Prime Time in the Big Smoke... don't call me. Why? I'll be watching the olympics...duh!



Well Hello!

Once again, 1000 apologies for neglecting ye olde blog. There is no excuse really... it's not like I have any money and can gallivant around the big city to my hearts' content. Nope, this chickee-poo is stupid broke... thanks to... anyone know the Canuck version of "Uncle Sam"? Yes, thanks to the incompetence of our public servants at HRDC, I find myself without an income for the past month and a half. POO IN THE GARDEN!

Other than that, things are wonderful. What of the loft, you ask? Well, like the ostrich who buries his head in the sand to avoid dealing with the reality of it's precarious situation, so too have I decided to disassociate myself with the whole affair. Will it ever be finished? Who cares, let's have another beer!

So, I've started working at an advertising company on a contract basis... mostly working on some year end projects. What have I learned you may be asking yourselves? Well, I have the privilege to tell all of you out there that despite all the rumours that you may have heard, 9 out of 10 Ontario DO women prefer to buy premium brand milk. I know, I know, hard to believe, but if Ipsos Reid says it's true then it must be! I also found out that I was accepted as an Industry Relations rep for the Toronto International Film Festival. Yep, that's right, in a little over a month, yours truly will be hobnobbing (fingers crossed) with the greatest talents of our time. Stay tuned for more details.

Cheerio mes amis, keep on keepin' on and all such nonsense. I haven't heard from many people lately so I hope y'all are doing well. I shall leave you all with an ode to the DNC. How much did you love Teresa Heinz Kerry (and her sons... yum)


more, MORE, MORE BALLOONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What are those fuckers doing!?!
Shit, the mike is on.



Just a short poem today for all you wonderful people out there........ A "constructionKu" if you will. I call it... "Welcome to Hell"

Welcome to Hell

You lazy MoFo!
don't care if you ARE crazy!
Build, you monkey, build!

Yes, it seems that any progress on the loft lately has been initiated by yours truly... and believe me, what very little patience that I ever possessed has now run out. It is a shame that most of you will not be around to meet the new superhero character that I am poised to become..........................

I call her UberBeeyatch and she will get her powers from the build up of all the little frustrations experienced in daily life. For example, you be petty and go to the movies and ask for a bar of ice cream and the jerkwad at the register tells you that they don't have ice cream when you can CLEARLY see at least 2 fridges filled with ice cream bars behind him (yes I have another movie clerk enemy). That particular incident had a happy ending though, with the fortunate last minute arrival of the ice cream man later in the evening... but you get the picture. God help the creatures that cause her distress--they will not know what hit them! And yes, she speaks with an Austrian accent not unlike Awnold. I think I'll trade mark it!

So what's going on with all of you? Haven't heard from some people in a while. Are you all alive?


ps. congrats to the Twaddle-Booths on their recent nuptials. love you both. mwa.


What can I say except I am reallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreally, truly sorry that I have not updated this in like a month. Without going into too much detail, life was a teensy bit hectic this last little while. What, with living in a crack house for a week and then moving into the new loft... and said loft not being finished when it was supposed to... and still not. Well let's just say some things have been put on the back burner. But enough about that. I live with it and deal with it everyday so let this blog entry NOT be about that! Any questions and/or comments about the loft and our crazy jailbird, rotting teeth 40 year old superintendant with a crush on my 23 year old roomate can be directed to

And how the hell are all of you? I promise that I will update this more. But until then, I must go. My glass of red wine calls. And perhaps, Uncle Herb will show up later and hang out with ole' Petty this evening. Stay tuned for further updates.



Good day!

Well, I just went to my very first Blue Jays game ever... How exciting is that? Pretty exciting. Would have been better if the Jays hadn't gotten their butts kicked!!! At the bottom of the 9th the score was 19 to 7... 19 to 7??? What the hell is that all about? Anyway, somehow or other, they did manage to scrape a few runs out of their asses and te final score ended up being 19 to 13... I guess it could have been worse... not.

And some good news is that I get to move into "super-loft" this coming Monday as the people in there now are moving out this weekend. Yippee. Now I don't have to spend a moment longer in the place that I have affectionately come to call "House of the Rising Crack"... there is, a house, in Toe-rawn-toe, where people all do crack... and it's been the ruin of many a cute girl... and god, I know, I'm one. Alright, it isn't really that bad... just having a little fun.

Let's see, what else. Oh, had a meeting with a casting agent this week and I go Monday to get my picture taken professionally. You may be coming to a theatre near you very soon. I'm hoping to get cast in the part of "Girl with Big Ass". And I am also thinking of picking up a stage name... How does Beatrice Petty... get it... Bee Petty... Be Petty. Ha Ha, I kill me!

Au revoir


Yo-Yo Ma!

Did you know that there is actually a Yo-Yo Ma street here? Right off of Queens Quay (kwaaayyyy ;). Very bizarre. Speaking of bizarre... so, right now, I am staying in a lovely little rooming house in Cracktown USA... very posh dawlings... but hey, it's cheap. I was going to say clean but I can't be sure of that. Luckily it's only for this week and then I get to move into "Super-Loft". Yay, I can't wait.

As I have been sitting here, in this internet cafe on Bloor, a guy sitting very near to me has been having a pleasant chat with his girlfriend... wait, that doesn't quite describe it. Actually, they have been fighting and just broke up... I heard the whole thing (blah, blah, blah stalking, blah, blah, blah don't call me ever again bitch). Now he is on his phone changing all his numbers, while doing whatever on the internet. Apparently he is quite the multi-tasker... we could all learn a lesson from this chap, I'm telling ya. I'm thinking that maybe this busy internet cafe is not the best place to have uber-personal conversations but hey... that's just one gals' opinion.

Speaking of opinions... tossing around production company names with my good friend Dee. We really like "Cold Spore Productions" but it was shot down by a couple of people. Whaddy'all think? Any other suggestions? I'm also toying around with "Petty Coat Productions" but that doesn't really work with Dee at all... Somehow, we need to combine "petty" with "czech"... if you can come up with something, let me know. "Petty Coat Czech"? Don't think so.

Alright, I'm outy people. RRDJ before I do though. Brigette Jones' Diary. Colin Firth and Hugh Grant... Enough said!



Sorry Peeps,

Been ages since I've had a moment to update this thing...

It's a beautiful Sunday here in the Big Smoke! A hello to all of you out on the west coast... I hear it is stinking hot out there this weekend. Tee Hee. Don't worry, I am sure I'll get my comeupance soon. We've already had some stupid humid days and I am told that it is nothing to what I will experience in the months to come. We'll see.

So, what have I been up to??? Lots and lots of things. There is so much to see and do here, I love it. Went to Canada's Wonderland last week and up to the top of the CN Tower. Both very cool places. Canada's Wonderland was fun but unfortunately 2 things happened that made the day not as fun as it could have been. The first was that there were 3 of us... not such a good idea going to an amusement park with 3 people as there is bound to be one person who always has to go on a ride by themselves. Luckily for me though, the third person (Dee's cuz) had absolutely no interest in actually doing anything fun!!! Kind of makes the visit less than it could be... always worrying about that other person. But that, I could have gotten over. The 2nd thing was the lightning. For some reason, the management at Canada's Wonderland feel that riding in big giant metal contraptions is hazardous during a thunderstorm??? I say, let us decide whether we want to risk our lives in the name of fun. And they call this a free country. Jesus! Oh, and perhaps for the next time, I will Be Petty... especially when I go on the Drop Zone. Never been so scared in my entire life!

And the CN Tower??? I guess I had no choice but to do it once but it was a little pricey for what you actually get. Petty's suggestion is that if you ever find yourself at the base of the tower wondering if you should pay a few dollars extra to see the glass floor... DO IT! Truly, that was the best part of the trip. Trust me, you'll pay your 25$, get up to the top and say "I just paid $25?!? For what?!? Yay, it's so smoggy that I can barely see anything, Yay!!!!"

But listen folks... I gotta run. Sorry, no WhateverKus today. All my creative energies have been going into my writing projects so I am all tapped out. That, and due to my most recent stint at my friend Raw Bees place, I am a little s.l.o.w... if you get my drift.




How are you all doing today? Me? Excellent. I am starting to et used to the humidity. I have been told that it gets much, much worse than this.... I'll be ready for it. There are supposed to be some thunderstorms this evening. Yay!

And for those of you who I haven't been able to get a hold of for whatever reasons, allow me mention my future residence in this fine city. It's a loft. A wonderful, beautiful, glorious loft! I was hardly able to imagine what a loft was before I came out here, because I'm pretty sure that they don't exist in Victoria. Anyway... they are pretty damn cool. Oh, and did I mention it has a very lovely little patio?

In the meantime, I am learning my way around the city. Haven't made it too far east yet but that will come sometime in the next week or so. I am loving the TTC. I don't understand why other cities (ahem, victoria) don't follow their example. And so, I would like to honour one of my favorite modes of transit in Toronto and believe me, there are plenty to choose from...

ODE TO THE STREET CAR (aka. the trolley)
To board the small tram,
watch for oncoming traffic.
It runs on train tracks!

Stay tuned for the newest sub-category of the Honku... TransKu. The possibilities are endless folks!


humid and nasty,

that's the weather in toronto today. i will try not complain too much as I know that this is nothing--i'll leave that for july and august. at least i am out of the boonies and in downtown t.o. it is all very exciting.

speaking of exciting... anyone have a chance to check out prisoner of azkhaban yet? saw it opening day and before i can make an honest judgment, i need to see it again. is it different? holy crap! yes! wasn't expecting it to have been so different from the first 2. but it is great in it's own way. will write a better petty review when i see it again... in imax maybe. can you tell i am tired today?

petty out


Allo Allo,

So, just finished reading Dude, Where's My Country. Absolutely fantastic but at the same time, scary as hell. I stand by my belief that Michael Moore will one day a) be President of the United States, b) be assasinated by right-wing conservative wackos (aka the bush administration), c) seek poilical asylum in Canada or d) all of the above. I guess only time will tell. I am waiting impatiently to see Farenheit 9/11. Rest assured, when the time comes Petty will be there to give you the yay or nay. As I type I am a little teary eyed as I watch the end of Emma with Gwyneth Paltrow. Is there any writer as gifted as Jane Austen? I think not. I love happy endings.

Speaking of happy endings, it looks as though Dee and I will be taking this sweet-ass loft that we found downtown. It reminds of the the ones you see the cool people in movies living in. Best of all, it has this uber-great patio that is almost the size of the main floor of the loft. Oh, the plans we have for it! My good friend S.T-B will be proud once we get it all organized for growing veggies etc... And no, the etc... doesn't include anything that will allow Petty to Be Petty. Petty is not in Kansas, I mean BC anymore folks!

I will leave you for now, but before I do, I will present you with this StormKu, in honour of my first Ontario Thunderstom which occured last night.

White Stripes

White Stripes, striking down
Amid a clasp of thunder
Could it rain harder?


Hey Diddly-Ho Neighbourinos,

Well, here I am, my first weekend passed in Onterrible--a horrible moniker but fitting today as the weather is absolute kakka. A huge difference from this past weekend which was spectacular. I wish I had some wonderful stories to tell from my first Toronto weekend but in truth, it was pretty quiet. I am actually not in Toronto proper but Mississauga staying at my friend Dee's parents house so I am a wee bit isolated. What am I doing right now you may be asking yourself? Well, obviously I am typing my blog but I am also on hold with Bell who was supposed to have put my # change through hours ago. It's been about 12 minutes now. Am I happy??? In a word, no.

Got to have a bite with my wonderful friend E today as he works by the big mall where I got my # changed (supposedly). It was great to see him and I look forward to seeing him a bit more often than I did whilst living on the rock. And let's see... what else did I do this weekend. Looked at an amazing loft on Saturday but not sure if Dee and I can swing it as it needs a little bit of reno put in before we could make it work.

Sunday was great... went to the ROM and checked out the Eternal Egypt exhibit. It'll be in Victoria on July 10th and I highly recommend it. Unless you plan on visiting the British Museum before you die you will be hard pressed to find a broader sweep of historical artefacts. If I may make some suggestions however... DO NOT GO: 1) on a weekend 2) when the exhibit first opens 3) a week before the exhibit closes. I did 2 out of 3 and found myself frustrated with the crowds. It's possible that I will head again before friday and get a better look.

That is all,


Well people,

Here I am, my last night in BC for a while. I am way too tired to go into the gory details of the last couple of days... today in particular but please don't fret my pretties. As I type my mind is whirring away at all the MoveKu possibilities. Stay tuned.

Sorry, but that will have to do for now. I need to sleep.



BE PETTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!


A big hey to KS. Lots of clouds here tonight, with my good friend SAM. Together, we present the newest in the line of designer haikus... HealthKu:

It's Very Chewy, by SAM

it's very chewy...
my healthy granola snack
please, don't make me fat.

dude, whatever



A big thanks goes out to Wee, who luckily pointed out the "TDB" made no sense. She is absolutely right, although I do happen to think that "to de betermined" has a nice ring to it. Please sign my petition if you think so too. Also, I think "to ae bannounced" is also good.

With regards to the "TDB" from my previous post, my wrist has now turned a a gorgeous yellowy colour with just a titch of bright red for that extra flair. Luckily, the swelling hasn't gone down.

So, I was going to regale y'all with my new honku entitled "Fuckers from Alberta, go home!", but I decided that I would write my "OldNavyKu" because that is what I have been doing for most of today.

Lament to the 1 1/2 Line Up

Oh, cheap ass clothing...
Why do we all love you so?
Glad I don't work here!

Enough for now. I'mm off to shred and then to see Brad Pitt's ass. Yay!



Hello my lovelies!

Well, here I am once again, same as usual except for a remarkable party wound that I picked up on Saturday night/Sunday am. Let me just set up the scenario for y'all.

Date: Saturday, May 16th
Event: MG's Stagette

5pm-7pm: All aboard the SS Fantasea IV for some drinks and fun.
7pm-7:05pm: Stop at a wharf to pick up Carlos, the midget stripper (ok, he wasn't exactly a midget, but 5'2" is pretty darn close)
7:05pm-7:30pm: Converse with said stripper
7:30pm-7:50pm: Wait around for said stripper to wank himself off.
7:50pm-8pm: Watch stripper girate for MG. Relish in the look of disgust on MG's face as Minipeeler does his "Ice cream Man" number... so funny!

Jump ahead to....................
11pm-3am: Get progressivley wasted. At somepoint early on, lose purse with keys and phone.
3am: Unable to find purse, arrive home ready to break in through Oreo's window in the back.
3:10am: Weight of the 50lb old fashionned window comes crashing down on wrist.

Sunday, May 17th: BAD BAD DAY!!!!!

Monday through Tuesday: arm getting bluer and purplier and puffier by the minute

Wednesday- TDB

So, there you have it, not one of my most spectacular pw's... nothing broken or sprained at any rate. But I'm sure you all have some better stories than that. Feel free to share.

Other than that, just getting the old apt. ready for the move. Same old shite. Leave in one week and 3 days. Can't wait to see everyone in TO!




It's been ages since I've done an update. I love the new version of blogger... so pretty.

Anyway folks, my sincerest apologies for the lack of activity on Be Petty this last month (my friend Art gave me kakka for not having written anything since April... I'll try not to mention that he didn't update his for 2 months...oops, I guess I just mentionned it). So sue me people... I've been busy. It takes a lot of work to up and move across the country by yourself!!!

Do I have a job yet? Nope. A place to live? Nyet. A clue about anything at all??? Absafuckinglutely not! But that's half the fun right? I'll just keep telling myself that. But seriously, despite some people telling me that I am making the wrong decision (actually just one person) everyone, including my parents are very excited for me. Yay. And of course I am excited for myself. Worried? Yes. Afterall, I may be SUPERCOOL in little old Victoria, but will I be so in Toronto? I guess I should be thankful that I no longer strive to be a full time party girl... I hear the TO nightclubs are a tad more formal than the ones out here ("Like, oh ma gawd Britney, did you see that girl? She's like, wearing jeans out to a club? let's shun her!). Yes, some people fear world war, crime and clowns but not me (I trust you will all figure out that I am joking... mostly... I don't like clowns).

As I type, my car is in for a wee bit of servicing so I can sell it before I leave. Anyone wanna buy a Mazda 626? Car 5-0 is a very nice little car. Been around the block a few times and slightly abused by his current owner, but he would make a nice student a good little car. Any takers? Going once, twice....

So, besides packing etc... not much else new to report. I do have a RRDJ to throw out though. For a nice little getaway from reality, check out Van Helsing (Dee, think Lucius Malfoy and you'll figure out how to pronounce it, hee hee.... Harry Potter comes out June 4th yay... sorry folks, a little bit of an aside). I went and saw it this week with my good friend SAM who happend to spy the 2 production mistakes made in the entire film. Maybe those with a prediliction for being nitpicky should avoid the film. Anyway, a nice little yarn... good effects, interesting story, some plot twists, Hugh Jackman. You know, the usual things that make a movie a good one. Mmmmmm, Hugh Jackman... Talk amongst yourselves while I fantasize for a few minutes.......................................... Ok, I'm back. So, yah, check out Van Helsing, the newest movie to carry the Be Petty seal of approval. What's on the [plate next--Troy, this sunday suposedly. I'll let y'all know what I think of that. But with little Legolas in it, how can it not be good? Mmmmm, Legolas....


When is reality like a Deep Thought???

I found this while perusing the entertainment section on In case you have been living in a hole for the past few months (I have and even I know), this is a reference to The Apprentice... not my favorite but good for a few laughs... I mean, it's no Joe Millionaire...

"When was an apprentice ever made the president of a company right away? And how can 15 people be fired when they were never hired in the first place? Those are questions that may never be answered."

The person who wrote this has obviously NEVER watched a single episode of a reality TV show. Since when does any of it make sense?

That is all,



FINALLY.... I have some exciting news. I am making the leap to join civilization in the big city. Yeppers, I am moving to Toronto, Ontario, Canada, North America, Western Hemisphere, Earth, Inner Solar Sysytem, Solar System, Orion Arm, Milky Way Galaxy, Local Cluster... well, you get the picture.

Although I am sad that I won't be joining my comrades at the Fort this Summer there are way too many things that I want to accomplish in the next few years and I can't do it in Victoria. If being stuck on this rock for the past couple of months has been good for anything, it has certainly allowed me to do an uber amount of soul searching. I searched and searched and searched and came to the realization that what I was looking for was NOT in Victoria--never has been and never will be. Too bad, so sad. Is it in Toronto? Who knows, but I'm willing to give it a go. But there are many people I will miss a lot. Maybe you all will come to your senses one day and get the heck out. Just joking. While it is not the place for me, based on how big it is getting, it must be doing something right. This is the last complaint you will hear from me on this matter, but wait... I feel this deserves a little something more... a Victu perhaps?

Ode to the Garden City

Small, small, waaaaaay to small
But aren't the flowers lovely?
Can't wait to get out!

T'is not my best to be sure, but I can't be on EVERYDAY people! What do you expect from me? I'm not perfect you know!

Later Skaters,



Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someones neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing?

Oh Jack Handey, you slay me. Thanks Wee!


Howdy all!

Not anything super exciting to report today, except to inform everyone that I have embarked on a new reading. How gay did that sound????!!???? Pretty gay! Since I recently followed my own RRDJ in purchasing and beginning Underworld by Graham Hancock I have come to the conclusion that all the painting I have been doing has killed a lot of my brain cells--the book makes my brain hurt. As I now have the intelligence of a 12-15 year old, I have decided to embark on a literary adventure targeted to that age group. What I REALLY want is to read the next Harry Potter but seeing as how that is not possible I thought "hey, maybe there is something else out there like it". And there just might be. Artemis Fowl is billed as a 12 year old criminal mastermind, rich and genius. Judging by the large type and unthickness of the book itself, I should be done it a week at the most. I know, I know, I hear you all laughing, but it has something called a LEPrecon Unit and faeries. I can't resist them! Shut up!

And while we are on the subject of books, I am reminded of the fact that I have not come up with a RRDJ for some time. And like my most recent Honku, this newest RR was inspired by someone else. My friend Dee sent me an e-mail with a Deep Thought by Jack Handey. Freaking hilarious! This is the one she sent: If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute
thing to tell him is
"God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying,
another cute thing to
tell him is "Probably because of something you did." It reminded me that I used to have a bunch of the books and that I practically peed my pants every time I read them. My friend Wee can attest to that. So is my RRDJ Jack Handey's Deep Thoughts???? Um...yes, sort of. Actually, I am really going for humour books in general.

I wonder whatever happened to my Letters from a Nut by Ted L. Nancy. Not heard of Ted L. Nancy? Shame on you. He is probably the craziest person on the face of the earth... crazy in the good sense, not like Dubbya or Hitler.

Dear MS. Ramey:

Thank you very much for answering my letter concerning the haunted sponge I bought from a Ralphs store. Ralphs has been and always will be the only store I shop in for my food and sponge needs.

In your letter to me you said that I would be hearing from the supplier of this songe. I have not heard from them. And this sponge is bad.

Can someone from Ralphs come and get this sponge from me? This sponge is out to get me. I am afraid.

After I got your letter I went down to my basement and locked that sponge in a steel box and put a chain around that box. Then I wrapped that box in tape and put a shackle around that. Then I boarded up the basement door with over 1000 nails. Then I put a manacle on that door. Then I went upstairs to my room to get a good nights sleep.

At about 3 o'clock in the morning I woke up and looked down. That sponge was right by my bed. I am scared. Please help me.

Also, do you sell Brillo at your store?

When will I hear from the supplier? I need to know. Thank you for your reply.


Ted L. Nancy

Really, really funny stuff. I'll have to see if I can find the books and/or pick up the new ones. Anyway, the RRDJ is Humour books. We can all stand to laugh a little more! I think so anyway.



Happy start of Easter long weekend everyone!

I trust everyone is doing well!?! I, for one, am dismayed at the lack of comments left by the visitor(s) to my blog. As I very much do not want to believe that no one is reading it... I am going to think deep down in my wee little heart that the reason no one is commenting is that there is a lack of content to be commented on!!! I am thinking I lost you all with my laments about living in the land of Nod. Well "Mr. and Mss'sssss think you are so superior because you all lead more exciting lives than me"... that is all in the past. Welcome to the new and improved Be Petty, where all your dreams will come true... just joking... here's hoping you find things a bit more interesting from now on.

The first order of business today... poetry. You seen them, read them, loved them and screamed for more... yes, I write about my Honkus. You may have noticed that of late, I have not really posted any... the last being one that was actually inspired NOT by yours truly. Being stuck in the middle of nowhere means that I have not done a whole lot of driving recently. This leaves me thinking... does that mean that I must give up the haiku form of poetry forever more? Or at least until an event of the driving nature occurs? To that I say No, no no!!! For those who know me well, you will have noticed that I have many, many pet peeves. And you know what this means??? There is a whole wide world out there and enough fodder for honku-like poems to fill up the large cavity that is Dubbya's rear! Think of the possibilities folks! And if you have any suggestions re: pet peeves, let me know because chances are I share your annoyance. On that note,here goes my very first ........................................................... Politiku...... My apologies to KS and everyone else who has faith in our democratic system:

Politiku #1

Did I vote for that?
I wanted to keep my job.
Cabin in the woods...

That is all,



I apologize for all the bullcrap about the house and Saltspring and painting etc... I will say nothing more about it; you'll know when I am not there anymore. And on that note, I shall return to my original creative self...

And now a Honku which I am channeling through my friend KS.


You drive too slowly
My in Chinatown
Will avoid next time

Ta DAAHHHH. My first honku in many weeks. Speaking of remember, my friend whom I live vicariously through... He's going to Hong Kong or Rome or sumpin' like that. In the meantime the Simpsons are on... Byeee


Once upon a time...

There was a beautiful princess named Guinivere. She lived in a big and old mansion with her magic cat Shortbread. Guinivere loved living alone with her cat until one day, the evil king and queen--her parents--made her come back to their tiny kingdom to help construct their new castle.

Guinivere had never had any experience of this kind and assumed that she would be doing small, unimportant tasks such that would befit a lady of her stature. Little did she know that in order to cut back on the costs, the King and Queen had decided that Guinevere would be doing most of the painting of the castle doors and other such visible and critical items. She really did not have any idea what she was doing and was very freaked out... especially when forced to paint some very expensive doors... ones upon which she could make no error, under any circumstances. Guinivere wondered what horrible things she had done in her past where she would deserve such a fate. She could think of none.

In the meantime, she felt very cut off from her former life. She did have friends at home after all. And her poor plants, must they suffer? Will this story have a happy ending????? Stay tuned!



I am back online...back to the land of the living... who knew it took so much effort to build a house? I thought you just took some pieces of wood and some boards and nailed them together? Little did I know that you also needed electricians, plumbers, appraisers, architects, inspectors etc... ? Glad I found out now. Sheesh!

A big HELLO and WELCOME BACk to Dee who drifted away from blogland for a wee while. Glad to have you back girl... In hear you about the writing thing...d'love to go to the Czech Republic...make it happen and I am there.

Also a big wasabi to my most excellent friend Cho. Love you, miss you... you are quite possibly the only person reading this... I love you for dat...mwa.

Have so many more interesting things to say but am way too freaking exhausted... love all of you,


Hey J! I've returned to the blogiverse. Sorry I was gone so long.



I can't believe it has been a week since my last entry. Events at the HOUSE THAT WILL NEVER BE FINISHED have been absolutely crazy. Painting, painting, painting etc, etc,etc... And tomorrow the old house is getting moved. I will be sleeping in the new house tonight. Yippee. How sad that my life has now centred around me being excited about sleeping in a new room. Someone shoot me... please.

That's about it for now. I am so exhausted that I want to pass out. I just wanted to let the 2 people who read this know that I was still alive...barely.

Who loves ya?

This dates me, but today I heard a car commercial using the song Ballroom Blitz. What a great song. It SSOOOOOOOO reminded me of growing up on this wee little island on the west cost. Saltspring has this reputation of being Hippiesville but in reality it is more like Rednecksville. There is quite a dicotomy in lifestyles on this island... It is very strange. But at the same time, there is much interaction. For example, when I was in high school you had a variety of different social groups. You had the hippies, the nerds, the jocks, the stoners, the gunnits (for those big city folk who are unfamiliar with what a gunnit is... think really loud cars, now think pushing the petal to the metal ie. gunning it--hence the name gunnit), preppies ets... You name it we had it. I myself changed throughout my high school years. First I was a Prep, the I was Mod and then I was Prep again and I pretty much stayed there until UVIC...when I became a combo Prep/Rave/Casual gal. Anyway, back to high school; you had all these different social groups but they all tended to interact. Which is why pretty much all the groups had one thing in common... Being Petty... How neat that this ties into the title of this blog. Hee Hee. Love it. Or.... Bah da da da daahhh, I'm Lovin' it. Ha! So what is the point of this entry? Nothin', except to maybe introduce a new word into some peoples' lexicon-- Gunnit. You'll thank me later.


Very funny.................... Ever wondered what you would be if you could be? Apparently my dream guy is Harry Potter... and I had so hoped it would be little Legolas!



My Be Petty pick of the week... although I was not Petty when I saw it (%#*#(!#&(!#(!)*$) is Starsky and Hutch. For people who HATE Ben Stiller with a passion, maybe you shouldn't go and see it (although for those people who hate him only when he gets the uber attractive girl...ahem, Dee) but as this doesn't happen... maybe you could. It's no Zoolander, but it is pretty funny-- definitely a movie to Be Petty for... hence, the Be Petty recommendation. Anything else would just be a RRDJ right???

Speaking of funny. Did you hear that Chris Rock is officially the funniest person in America? I would have to agree. He is pretty freaking hysterical!

As for the HOUSE THAT WILL NEVER BE FINISHED, as I have now fondly nicknamed it, I'm still plugging along. I really and truly believe that I will be stuck here until the end of time. But the bright side is that I am spending no money... which is good... seeing as how I have none. Works for me! Hello... Parks...last paycheque???

And now to the person whom I vicariously live my life through... KS. He's in South Korea of all places. Of all the people who get to go to cool places I am glad it is him... the least gastronomically picky person I know. He should write a food travel book. No, that's stupid (stupid Jen). What about that public washroom coffee table book idea that he and our mutual friend Eon (clean bill of health YAY!!!) came up with? I think it's a great idea. Oh...if I had had a million dollars... I'd buy you a chesterfield, or an ottoman, or pay for your book to get published. Nope. I'll leave the song writing to the BNL and Dee.

Jennie Poo


Nothing much today... just an RRDJ:

Apparently the only thing keeping me sane on the Rock (little one, not the big one. Although that also drives me insane) is that my parent have cable. Not full cable though, just the mini SSI cable--25 channels or so. Anyway, the other day I stumbled upon a dramatization of one of my favorite books--The Buccanners by Edith Wharton. Unfortunately I seemed to have come in at the very end of the series but it very much reminded me how much I love historical books about English society. The Buccanneers is a very excellent book but there are so many others that I count among my favs. Of course, the very best would have to be Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. If you have never read it you should! If you are ignorant and cannot read well......... you probably aren't reading this blog but.......... go rent the mini series done by A&E. It is truly one of the best adaptations of any piece of literature EVER! And of course it doesn't help that Colin Firth plays Mr. Darcy. Yum. Oh, and if you are a fan of Brigette Jones and her diary, definitely read and/or watch P&P as it is based on the same story, just different names and a slightly more modern twist (and Colin Firth pretty much playing the same character...yum). Can't wait for the second one to come out.

Oh, and if you liked Clueless, then you'll like Jane Austen's Emma-- it is basically the same story. Again, if you can't read then check out the movie Emma with Gwynneth Paltrow (and Jeremy Northam...uber Yum). One of my favorite movies. Can't find it on DVD though. If anyone has seen it, please let me know.

That's all for today,


Hi All,

I never really thought that Be Petty would get political but here you go...

Israel and Palestine have been at each others throats for 60 some odd years. I think that the two cultures would have the genuine possibility to co-exist but for the compete non-trust caused by extremists. Check out OneVoice, oddly, enough an organization started by Jason Alexander from Seinfeld. While ultimately a non-Israeli/Palestinian will have no actual vote in what goes on in that conflict, this is as it should be. The organizaion takes the position that both sides need to make concessions and not accept terrorist activities. Unfortunately, this seems to be a concept that is lost on both the Israelis and Palestinians. Let's see what happens.

A big hello to my friend Robbie whom I just talked to moments ago... Hope to see you soon... I still think he and my other Toronto friend Dee need to get together--for coffee, not nookie you sexual gutterheads!

J out!


Yo Yo,

A big hello to everyone out there. I feel like I am trapped on this little island in the sun. Feel free to come and rescue me if the mood strikes you. My thoughts are with Art Vandelay because it's Be a Tourist in your Home Town week in Victoria. This is the week when all the cheapo, redneck trailer trash families come out of the woodwork! Two words... HIGH MAINTENANCE! So, Art, if you are reading this--keep your chin up--they don't know any better.

The painting saga in the new house continues in fact, I don't think it will ever be done. The ash floor is installed now and the appliances are coming today. It's all very exciting and yet, at the same time, not.

Hope to see everyone soon... I miss civilization and I really need to see a flick. I know my friend Dee will make a comment about this because she feels the same about Ben Stiller as the rest of world about Keanu but... Starsky and Hutch... can't wait! Looks like a total Be Petty movie. Yay!

RRDJ: Duh, start a blog. I love it. Oh, and I've once again followed a previous RRDJ and started knitting. Am I good? No. Will I get good? Hopefully. I'll let you folks be the judge when you get your Christmas gifts next year. Hee Hee.

GRRL out,



The Oscars have come and gone for another year. You may remember a while back (feb 1st), I made the Be Petty predictions about who would win in certain categories. How did I do? Well, quite well actually. Of the 15 categories that I chose to predict I got 12 correct! That's like 80%...Go figure!?! Maybe next year I will put some money where my mouth is and place a little wager or two. Anyone want in?

Also, a big BON VOYAGE to my friend Cascadia Hole who is, as I type, on her way to Gay Paris! She is so lucky. I would love to be in the land of brie. MMMmmm.....................cheese. Speaking of cheese... I happened to notice that no one sent any cheese platters for my birthday! Sniff Sniff.



Back from Prague... And yes... I'm completely with you on the scarves issue. I knit one myself while I was there. It's the only way to go!



So,,,,,,,,,, back on SSI again. After a brief stint in Victoria the past couple of days I have returned to face the mountain of painting that has been building since I was here last. AAARRRGGHHH! That's OK though because oddly enough, I really enjoy it. There is something to be said for a completely mindless job. I can understand why many house painters Be Petty while on the job. Not me though....hmm...well maybe later.

I've just realized that it has been a while since my last RRDJ. Also a while since my last Honku as well but people seem to be getting the picture. I'm sure it will just be a matter of time before something happens so stay tuned. Now, back to the RRDJ. This one is weird because it is a RRDJ that is new to me as well. In fact, it's something that I have yet to start but am in the process as we speak: Knitting. For those that know me well (especially the last couple of years) you should know about my obsession with scarves. Luckily in balmy Victoria, one can get away with a simple sweater and a nice wool scarf. While purusing the plethora of stores that sell scarves I came to the conclusion that other people must have jumped on this bandwagon... Have you seen the $$$ of a simple scarf?! CRAZY. Anyway, I've decided to make my own from now own. You should all be scared.... guess what you'll be getting for Christmas!!!!!!


Ps. A big haló! to my friend Dee who is in the Czech Republic at the moment, Prague specifically. I hope she is having a great time. Miss you tons!



Well, I am on Saltspring Island assisting in the construction of the family chateau. Ok, Ok, so maybe it's not as grand as that, but anything is better than the house we have now. Stay tuned for new and exciting updates.

With that being said, I must get out and paint a second coat onto my floorboards. Superfun!




So, you'll be happy to know that I am feeling a bit better today. My friend Wendy Cho suggested perhaps I am allergic to my 30's. If that's the case, then it's going to be a heck of a long decade. It's a good thing I have this Blog to keep me sane.

I would like to thank everyone who sent me greetings and/or a card and gifts. If you didn't, feel free to make it up to me by buying me lots and lots of presents. For your convenience, may I suggest using the links on the side bar. There is even one entitled "things you can buy me" that I put there for just such an occasion.

A special thanks goes out to Art Vandelay. Not only did he give me some fantastic advice about putting fish down my pants, but he also got me completely addicted to Alias. I had no choice but to purchase the entire second season. Gift idea? You bet-- the first and third seasons (is the third season out?).




Today is my birthday and I am sick. Two days ago, I celebrated Valentine's Day without the presence of my Scotsman. After tomorrow, I have no job. What did I do to piss God off?

I was trying to think of something that would lift my spirits and besides being Petty (which I can't do at work anyway) I could think of only one thing that would do it...... Ding Ding! Here come's the shit-mobile!!!. I strive to be as brutally honest as this man.

Bye all,


Yo Yo,

Now that my Scotsman has gone and I am no longer in La La Land, I have decided to turn back to my Russian Gypsy Fortune Telling Cards to gain insight into my life. With that in mind, I invite anyone who wishes a reading to drop me a line: love life, career, travel plans etc... The cards know everything about everything. It's realllyyy ssppoooooky.




Just a wee entry for today. I had an e-mail from my friend Don Don which reminded me of a great website which I will now submit as my RRDJ. If you have a few minutes to spare, check out how these nice people over in Asia--Japan mostly-- seem to effortlessly butcher the new lingua franca of the world. It seems to me that there have to be at least one or two people in Japan who speak fluent english, oops, I'm sorry, Engrish. There are enough over here learning the language... what are they doing once they get home? Not translating signs for procucts and businesses, that's for sure.



Happy Hump Day!

I know, I know, Hump Day is usually Wednesdays for most folk, but not for us Parkies. At least until next week anyway. Come the 17th, there will be no Hump Days for Jen. I was going to say something about there being no Hump Days for me anymore anyway since my Scotsman left, but I thought that would be too crude. Oops, I guess I just said it. Shame on me and my potty mouth.

So, the big news......... I finally won Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone. Yippee!!! It's about time too. I was extremely close to just throwing the frigging thing out the window.

Speaking of throwing things out the window, I have officially arrived at another writer's block with regards to my book. You know, it's the one about a group of people in Oakland, California who form a gang of sorts to return an evil gold chain necklace to the firey pit from whence it came. I call it Lord of the Bling Blings. It takes place in the pre-historical period of the year 2000 and in order to make it authentic, I will be doing all of the diologue in Ebonics. Yo buss dis. An' yeah, I be jokin Sheeit!

So, my RRDJ... Learn at least one new word every day. My word of the day is Futilitarian: one who is devoted to futile pursuits. Like me... with my book. I suggest that they be words you can throw into everyday conversations. That way, you can make the person you are talking to feel like an idiot because they don't have a clue what you are saying. Oh, why must I derive so much delectation from the witlessness of the plebes?

That's it from me today. Just a reminder that my birthday is coming up so feel free to buy me lots and lots of presents.

Yo buss dis. Catch you later. Sheeit!


Howdy all,

So, my new favorite thing on TV is actually not a show...although I did catch a bit of Elimidate last night and it was very mentally usual. No folks, my new fav is a wee little gnome, the Roaming Gnome in fact. With his little red hat and cute little english accent (luv that accent), he roams the world searching for adventures. We are very much alike, he and I. That's probably why I am so drawn to his magnetism. So, in lieu of a honku today, you get a list of the top 5 reasons why Jennifer and the Roaming Gnome are soul mates:

5) We both like to travel
4) We both wear crazy red hats, although I have to wear mine at work and not for fun
3) We both speak really bad french - bonjour as they say
2) We have both made travel arrangments through's true, I have!
1) We both enjoy a stinky piece of cheese--a pungent, ghastly stinky piece of cheese

Oh man, I crack myself up! But it actually reminds me that cheese is my favorite food. As such, feel free to refer to my new sidebar addition for all of your cheese needs. There's a whole other world out there--a world of cheese, glorious cheese! And here's a birthday gift hint... They have a cheese of the month club...think about it.

While we are on the subject of Cheese, just spoke to my friend KS in Cowtown. Apparently Calgary looks like a "big dirty and hairy asshole" today! That visual is much appreciated, thanks.

Well, as today's themes seem to be gnomes and cheese, I'll try to relate my RRDJ to the both of them. Ok, Ok, they might not be gnomes, but at least they are British. And there is definitely some cheese involved! Yes, I am talking about Monty Python, England's great comedy export of the 1970's. I gew up watching the movies...Holy Grail is my pick...and it was only recently that I started on the Flying Circus and even then, it took me a wee while to actually figure out with the hell was going on. The trick, of course, is to Be Petty. I've watched the episodes un-Pettied and they just aren't the same. Some of them are really, really bizarre especially in the later series when John Cleese left, but they are still pretty freaking hilarious! How funny are these guys? Well, lets just say that Pythonesque is now an official part of the english language. I hope one day to get Pettyesque in the dictionary. If anyone can think of a good definition, let me know!



Who knew that there were 20 different kinds of pasta? Not me. Thanks J.



So, you may or may not notice a change in my Blog name. The 1-800 always looked weird, so I decided to take it out. Not that it or I will make any more sense from now on.

I'll just start right off with my Honku. You know, there are certain things about driving that really get my goat. I think we all know how I feel about the Devil's car... and no, I don't mean my friend KS... He has a Kia I think, but he is the Devil though...seriously... On a good day he can also be the Queen of England, but that's a whole other story. Anyway, back to my driving issues. Besides Mustang convertibles and people who finger you, I must say that one of the top driving annoyances that I have experienced are when people decide at the very last minute to turn. There are a variety of last-minute turners and I may just do a whole series of honkus devoted to the subject (ie. if you had told me you were turning right, down my street, I could have gone ages ago... now I will have to wait 5 more minutes for a break in the traffic you dumbass!!!). Todays' honku is about those people who decide to tell you that they are turning left, as the light is going green, or as they are in the intersection already. Annoying at anytime, but particularily so when I very easily could have changed lanes to bypass your stupidity (Johnson and Quadra), if only you had a courteous bone in your body and had informed everyone of your intention to turn. Here goes:

That Brings One's Car to Face as One's Left Side Did Before

You should have told us
Of your intention to turn.
Held captive are we!

Oh, another annoying thing that has happened to me twice in the last 12 hours... my car battery died. I was over for dinner at Art and Mrs. Vandelay's place last night and was brilliant enough to leave my lights on for 4 hours. Luckily another friend at dinner was leaving at the same time and was able to give me boost. I thought that I had driven around long enough to give it enough charge for the morning. Nope! Called a cab to give me another boost. Will I make it home tonight? Only time will tell.

And back to the Devil/the Queen/ my friend KS. He just got back from Thailand and despite having issues with the other person with whom he was travelling, he had a nice time. Can't wait to see that suit!

For my RRDJ today, I will turn my attention to food. I think everyone I know is either Atkinsing or is Vegan so this will not likely be a recommendation that is enjoyed by anyone but who cares... It's my RRDJ and I can do what I want with it. Besides, no one reads this freaking thing anyway (except my good friend Dee...she's going to be famous soon you know. I can say I knew her when...)! Back to food... If you happen NOT to be anti-carbs and/or Vegan (oh my god, can you do atkins and be a vegan?) check out Olivieri Swiss Cheese and Black Forest Ham Medallions. Fabulous and good enough to eat without any sauce at all. Of course there are many, many other types of pasta (20 to be exact) and lots of different sauces (14 in total), so I guess you veg heads could partake as well. So there you have it. I hope you get a chance to eat and enjoy.



Wasabi People!

Got a chance to speak with my Scotsman today. Got the sniffles a few times...

Just want to clarify something re: Oscar Picks so that you don't think that I am a complete tard. The predictions were not predictions per say..... meaning that there was absolutely no edumacated quessing or research done on my part. I haven't even see half the movies. In fact, if I had put all the nominees up on a dart board and thrown darts to determine the winner, I would probably have gotten more right! In fact, I just might do that so I can compare the two. I'll keep you posted.

In other entertainment news... What's up with the whole Janet Jackson showing her boob thing? The FCC is now launching an investigation into this "gratuitous display of nudity". You would think that all the money they will spend getting to the bottom, or should I say the boobie (tee hee) of this silly affair could be spent on something a little more worthwhile such as... preventing kids from taking guns to school and killing fellow students? I dunno, just a thought. Maybe they could also hire a monkey to make Dubya's speeches from now on: "I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe — I believe what I believe is right." —Rome, July 22, 2001... Uh, Ok George. Oh, what a sick, sick world we live in.

Continuing in entertainment news... Supposedly, my little Legolas is going to propose to his so called "girlfriend" Kate something or other. Am I angry? Am I bitter? Am I jealous? Do I want to through something?.......yes. I know, I know... He's a flaming meterosexual, but....but.... Oh, who am I kidding, that actually does annoy me. The next thing I'll find out is that he drives a convertible Ford Mustang! Is there no justice in this world!

Today's RRDJ might make you laugh, but at least it won't cost you anything in the way of movie rentals or book purchases and the like. My recommendation is the spend a few minutes each day singing. That's right, I said sing... sing out loud... Seriously! There are few pastimes that I enjoy more. Do I irritate other people by my singing... definitely, but I usually don't do it in public--karoake is a different story however. In your apartment, in your car on the way to work (if everybody sang out loud in their car, then no one would be left to laugh at said people singing in their cars...think about it)... just about anywhere really. Do I have a nice voice? In my mind I do, but to others...mmmmm... probably not. But it doesn't really matter... because... if it feels good do it, even if you shouldn't, don't let people mess you around (Sloan...I sing this when it comes on the radio). Looking for ideas of songs to sing? I tend to enjoy musicals; Cats is a particular favorite (you probably don't need to know that I know all the words to all the songs), but any Andrew Lloyd Webber musical will do. Rap, opera, rock, hip hop, pop, oldies, you name it--they are all good. Classical? Hmm, not so good, only because there are no words. Country? Again, not good, but only because I dislike the genre and it would annoy me to hear you singing it. Singing a country song in a convertible Ford Mustang??? Mommy--make it stop?


Hello Children

There is a new and exciting addition to Be Petty today. Yes, that's right folks --anyone and everyone can now add their 2 cents worth to my Blog. Not that people ever actually read this or visit the site but... At least now I will be informed if I have really offended someone. Perhaps one of my Honkus came a little bit close to the truth for some of you??? Some of my friends...and I won't mention any names because I think they know who they are... are HORRIBLE drivers. Have any RRDJ's??? Let me know. If I think they are good, I'll post them. If not, then I will mock you mercilessly. Great incentive!

So, Scotsman has been gone for 2 days now. The only difference for most of my friends (seeing as how you all live so far away and never met him anyway) is that I now have my phone back on a full time basis and am therefore easier to get a hold of. I will also be out of a job in a few weeks and will then be even easier to get a hold of. Anyone knowing of anything good, feel free to let me know.

So with my Scotsman being gone, I have more spare time than any one person should have. With that in mind, I present to you the BE PETTY 2004 OSCAR PICKS. Now, I must mention that these choices are based on different criteria than that used by professionals. At least one would hope so... you'll see what I mean. And I wouldn't run out and use my picks for betting on the Oscars. You might as well just give your money to me to go to Scotland. At least it will go to a good cause. Anyway, without further a doo doo, here goes


Why??? Because Elves are cool. So are trees that can talk.


Why? It's Johnny Depp... need I say more???

Keisha Castle-Hughes - WHALE RIDER
Samantha Morton - IN AMERICA
Charlize Theron - MONSTER
Naomi Watts - 21 GRAMS

Why? Well, not having actually seen any of the movies...

Alec Baldwin - THE COOLER
Benicio Del Toro - 21 GRAMS
Djimon Hounsou - IN AMERICA
Tim Robbins - MYSTIC RIVER

Why? See above!

Shohreh Aghdashloo - HOUSE OF SAND AND FOG
Patricia Clarkson - PIECES OF APRIL
Marcia Gay Harden - MYSTIC RIVER
Holly Hunter - THIRTEEN
Renée Zellweger - COLD MOUNTAIN

Why? Haven't seen any of these either, but I have to go with Brigette Jones, n'est pas???

"A Kiss at the End of the Rainbow" - A MIGHTY WIND
"Scarlet Tide" - COLD MOUNTAIN
"The Triplets of Belleville" - THE TRIPLETS OF BELLEVILLE
"You Will Be My Ain True Love" - COLD MOUNTAIN

Why? A Mighty Wind... I freaking loved that movie!


Why? Only because I wanted to get at least one pick right.


Why? It is the lesser of two weevils... get it? Ha Ha!


Why? Love those Rohan Riders!


Why? Peter Jackson has to get something for hiring O.B. to play Legolas!


Why? Two words: Myyyy preciousssssssssssss.


Why? Just giving some well deserved credit to Tolkein


Why? Yo Yo Canada represent--in da howse!. Besides, Finding Nemo was ripped off from some cheese eating surrender monkey.


Why? Did you not see those Orcs? Scawy!


Why? Loved that violin!

So, there you have it. As you can see, I left many categories out. I didn't want it to be TOO painful. Besides, unless you actually know someone nominated in the other categories, no one cares!. That's it from me for today. Let me know your thoughts. Chat at y'all later.




Today is Saturday and I am very sad. Yesterday, my Scotsman left for home--Scotland, in case you didn't know where Scotsmen came from. Anyway, as I still get teary-eyed whenever I talk or think about it... I will say nothing further. If anyone is looking for me I will be at home in the evenings, wallowing in my self-pity. Sniff Sniff.

On a different note altogether, I am beginning to think that i just shouldn't be out driving on the roads. This morning I was behind a fella who just didn't feel like signaling when he changed lanes. Don't worry, I know I have already Honku'd you with this subject. Anyway, as he made to turn right (he was in the right lane), I casually glanced in his direction, just to see what this non-signaling cowboy looked like. For some reason, he must have anticipated this and decided to give me the finger. Why, I have no idea. It's not like I was tailgating or even driving aggressively. Ok, perhaps I was following too closely at one point, like when he slowed down to about 30 clicks for a few minutes, but I was just hoping to get the light. That's when he randomly pulled into the right lane and then FINALLY decided that he would be kind enough to let the people behind him know that there would be some turning action going on! And that brings us to the fingering. Well, it was just the thing that I didn't want to see this morning. In order to keep my faith in humanity, I have to believe that he will get his one day. Perhaps someone will buy him a Mustang Convertible. Is there any fate worse than that? You tell me. And now, a short Honku about something completely different:

Hey Mr. Nice Man!
May good Karma be with you,
For letting me in

There's a lesson in there for everyone. Too bad that Mr. "I like to give people the finger, but not signal Hyundai Elantra man" won't be reading this.

RRDJ: Be kind to an elderly person. The other day, while I was in the Mini-City (safeway/liquor store at fort and foul bay), I happened to be leaving the liquor store at the same time as a very elderly and very bent over woman. Well, you know how heavy bags are when they are filled with all that liquor goodness. Anyway, I asked her if I could help her to her car with her bags. She agreed and it was all over and done with in just a few moments. I took an extra minute out of my day and helped a fellow human being. Did I get anything out of it. Nope, not unless you count that little worm glow that you get for doing something nice for someone--payment enough for me.

Later Skaters,


RRDJ: The Buddha Board. For people who do not want anyone else to know how unartistic they really are!



Hi People,

Me once again. Well, 2 days till D-D Day (David Departure Day). As much as I don't want him to go, I really hate the waiting. He's with the doggies right now. I hope they don't attack him like they did a few weeks ago. Mean doggies! You can't tell me that dogs are better than cats!!! When was the last time a cat had to be put down for mauling a person to death. I know, I know, Roy of Seigfried and Roy is now a "special" person because of a cat attack, but I'm talking about wee domesticated cats, like Oreo or my friend Dee's cat Spaz. A little scratch now and again, but that's about it. Anyway, that's my profound statement of the day: Cats are better than Dogs!!!

Switching gears here, I would like to mention that I have followed my own RRDJ from the other day and picked up Graham Hancock's new book, Underworld: The Mysterious Origins of Civilzations. Can't wait to start it. I'll let you know how I am progressing. Feel free to pick it up so we can all read together and have discussions about it, like Oprah's Book Club. We can call it Petty's Book Lovers' Peruse and Talk About the Book While We Read the Book Together Club and Forum Inc. Let me know what you think about the title. Too long Maybe. How about the acronym: PBLPATATBWWRTBTCAFI. Much better!

No Honku today folks as I actually... get this... actually walked into town. But I did add to my philatetic collection today (that's stamps for the unitiated) by purchasing the Year of the Monkey souvenir sheets and uncut full sheet. They are very beautiful. I know my grandma will be happy that I am adding to her collection.

Being stuck in Vic. has left me to live vicariously through my friends and I hope to have some thrilling stories of my good friend KS's trip to Bancock. He left this morning and will be back in a few days. That's the problem when you only get to travel when you are kicking people out of the coutry... you don;t really get the chance to enjoy your stay. And here's hoping that he doesn't pick up the Bird Flu while he's there. More on that saga later.

RRDJ: DVD Commentaries. Is there anything better? I just love to hear all the fascinating tidbits on the behind the scenes of film making. The director's ones are very good, but if you can find cast commentaries, they are usually pretty funny. If anything, they can at least give you some insights as to what kind of person the actor is in real life.



Graham's newest book is called Underworld: The Mysterious Origins of Civilizations. It looks really good.

By the by, I wouldn't recommend thinking about moving to Toronto, Jenn... we just got killed with somewhere around 40cm of snow. Unless you want to write Honkus about hydroplaning to and from work with stupid ass SUVs driving at top speed, and then spinning out of control into the ditch... which really... does make for good comedy.
So here I am at work. A lovely day for an outdoor wedding I must say! Yah right. Maybe, if you like rain and fog and cold, damp ocean air. Yes, you heard me. I am getting one fewer day to spend with my Scotsman because a crazy Aussie thinks that getting married outside at our lighthouse in the middle of winter is a good idea!!! I am not super chuffed at this and I think that will be all I will say on the matter!

Back to the Scotsman, who is leaving in 3 days. Am I sad? Very, but it's good in a way. He needs to go home and figure out what the heck he is going to do with his life. Until then, there is not a whole lot I can do. Is he a great guy? YES! In fact, I think everyone should date a Scotsman. Why, you may be asking yourself? Well, here goes my list of 3 Reasons to Date a Scotsman list:

3) Scotsmen are from Scotland
2) Scotsmen have Scottish accents
1) Kilts, Kilts, Kilts!!!

Sorry, not too earth-shattering, but there you go. Anyway, all this writing about Scotsman is making a little teary-eyed so I will say no more on this subject. On a similiar note though, it seems that my pauvre petite amie Dee has been having some man troubles of her own. Poor Dee, and you thought that it was Victoria that was bringing you the bad man luck. Oh who am I kidding, it's true. Victoria has pretty much lost all appeal to me. As beautiful as it is, especially now that the rest of the coutry is like minus a billion degrees, I HAVE TO GET OUT OF THIS PLACE!!!!!!! If for any reason, just to get away from the horrible drivers in this town. Oh, and by the way, since having posted my lament to the Ford Mustang convertible, it would seem that they are everywhere. Now, I am not usually one for being paranoid... I leave that for my friend SAM... but I'm pretty sure there is some sort of conspiracy out there. Are Ford Mustang convertibles taking over the world???? All I am saying is think about it! Anyway, here is my Honku du jour. As usual, it is based on actual events.

Hey! Wake up Buddy!
Whenever it suits YOUR needs,
Feel free to turn left!

Not my best, I know, but you can't strike gold every time you go a diggin'. And now for my RRDJ. I could recommend just one book, but instead, I will recommend an author. What books you choose (or don't choose, whatever, my feelings won't be hurt) are up to you. Graham Hancock has penned many, many books among them, Message of the Sphynx, The Mars Mystery and Fingerprints of the Gods (my Fav!). Typically his books search for evidence on early lost civilizations, usually arguing that ancient civilzations are both older and more advanced than scientists and historians have given them credit for. A little crazy? Maybe, but at least he backs up his arguments with some pretty impressive evidence. Unlike some people ie. Nancy Leidner who believes that everything that scientists or governments says is part of a massive worldwide cover-up. How does she know this? Oddly enough, she gets all her information from an alien species called the Zeta Reticulans. It's hard not to believe when it comes from such a source! And that reminds me, I have added a new link on the sidebar-- Bad Astronomy will inform you as to just how wacko this woman is. But back to Graham Hancock. Great writer and a RRDJ that I am especially proud of.



Gung Haggis Fat Choi (I know this is spelled sooo wrong, so please don't write me and tell me)!

After a few days absence I have returned. Have y'all missed me??? Well, despite having been gone for so many days, I really have little to report. I have, however, been able to spend some quality time with my Scotsman before he leaves... which is this Friday! I can't believe how fast these past 2 1/2 months have gone. Soon I will be back in the ranks of the bittter single people. Although I won't be single, I will be bitter! And how! How I wish my friend Dee could be here to help me wallow in my pathetic sadness. I'll just have to Be Petty all by my lonesome.

Well, I had hoped to write more today (honkus etc...), but as I speak, there is a really creepy man sitting beside me at the library and he is starting to scare the heck out of me--with his sighing and his staring and his lavin'. Oh... and he smells. More tomorrow!



Hello friends and neighbours,

No whimsical musings today, as nothing exciting happend last night and/or today. Typical Wednesday of getting not a heck of a lot accomplished. I can't promise any new posting in the next week for I will be taking an extra few days off as my Scotsman leaves in just over a week. Sniff Sniff, so sad!

My RRDJ (random recommendation du jour) is for you to check out these Terrorism Preparedness Guides, so that you will know what to do in the event of an attack. Ok, OK, they're parodies, but they are pretty informative in their own right. You'll also be left to ponder what hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have in common.

That's all for now.

Bye Chilluns'



Good Morning All,

Had a good dinner of F&C at the PF last night, but I don't know what is up with that place. Sometimes they use this beautiful, that's right, I said beautiful light batter that has very little grease. This is the kind of battered fish I like. However, sometimes...and this is what turned me off of eating there for a while... sometimes the batter is very, very, very thick and greasy. This was the case last night and while others at the dinner table (ie. Mr Vandelay) seemed to enjoy this preparation better, my poor little tummy just can't handle it. I won't go into too much detail about the icky feelings in my l'il tomak last night except to say that it reminded me of my Vancouver days. What a great segue into my random recommendation du jour:

Living in the West End of Vancouver enabled me to sample a large variety of different ethnic restaurants... Oh who am I kidding... every second restaurant was a sushi/japanese food place. With sushi freak friends like KS visiting every weekend, I definitely got my fill of these places. However, of all the ones I visited, there are two of note. The first one, and the best one, in my opinion is Kisha Poppo on Davie. Very yummy all-you-can-eat. I nursed many a day-after-too-much-partying days there. Nothing helps a hangover better than miso soup and gyoza!

The other one that I will mention is Tanpopo and I am not mentionning this establishment because it is superior in any way to Kisha Poppo. In actuality, the reverse is true. It is also an all-you-can-eat place and is really only worth going to in the summertime and that's only because it has a nice outdoor rooftop overlooking Denman. Those of us who have sampled the fare at this resaurant have a little saying: "you get the poo poo from the Tanpopo". Which brings us back to last night... TOO MUCH GREASE! And there, I told you way too much about my l'il tomak last night! For more information on Vancouver's great resaurants or more specifically, the not so great ones, check the Vancouver Health Board's Restaurant closures site. Check it frequently to avoid messy apres dinner parties!

And last, but not least my Honku. Today it is dedicated to my good friend SAM (please note that name has been changed for legal purposes). I call this little number Ode to the Snorkel Truck:

Ode to the Snorkel Truck

Hey, there's a snorkel!
How did it get on that truck?
Ev'ry man--jealous



Well Hello Folks,

Some changes to report. As usual, I made a big booboo. It was brought to my attention that perhaps I shouldn't use people's full names, places of work etc... period! With that in mind, I have gone back and taken out the aforementionned evil doings in my previous posts. And while this may make it confusing for people as to who everyone is (and for me in later years when I read this), you can be rest assured that, should I choose to include you in the masterpiece that is 1-800 Be Petty, your privacy shall from this day forward be upheld.

Ok, onto something a bit more enlightening. In case people didn't know this, I am writing a book. I started it about 2 years ago and was well on my way to having a chapter or three finished before I got a serious case of writer's block. Is there anything more annoying???? Well, besides the subject of my honku of the day which you will find further down... nothing! Anyway, this summer my brain kicked into overdrive and I have picked it up again. Let me summarize it for you: It's the story of a little boy named Harvey who's parents were killed and he has since been brought up with his aunt and uncle and small cousin Stoodley. On his 11th birthday he gets a letter from Hobart's School for Little Wizards and Witches. Ta Da... Little Harvey is a wizard! He then goes on to have many adventures with his two best friends Don Cheesy and Wilhemina Banger.

LOL I'm just kidding folks! I can imagine what you were just thinking... "but Jen???? That's already been turned into one of the most well known books of all time?????" Hee Hee, just my little joke. But seriously, about my book. I really am back to writing it. In a way I am excited about having a break from work as I hope to get it mostly completed. Dee-- I'll be coming to see you soon.

Other than that little tidbit, the only thing new and exciting is 2 for 1 F&C at the PF tonight. I am desperately hoping that there is an even number of people tonight. Two weeks in a row being the odd person out... I am starting to believe that I will never eat a piece of Halibut for the rest of my life!

Adn now, I will leave you with two things. First, my random recommendation du jour: The Educational Archives. I thought that there were only 4, but after an in-depth 1 minute search, there actually now appear to be about 8. What are the educational archives?? Believe me, you already know. Do you remember how excited you were in school when the teacher rolled in a film projector and you thought "Yippee, a film" It didn't matter what it was. All that mattered was you didn't have to learn anything for the next little while. And so you were stuck watching whatever random educational strip the teacher happened to pick off the shelf. My most vivid memory of watching one of these "educational" films was during sex ed, back when they separated the boys from the girls. Do they still do that??? Anyway, I remember watching this crazy 60's film about a girl getting her first period or "mens-true-a-tion". I learned that there was nothing wrong with me, I wasn't a freak... In fact, I was very special that have this happen every month because that meant that I was now...gasp... a women. I also remember the film showing us how to use those crazy sanitary pads with the belts... Hello??? Teacher???? Those hadn't been used in about 20 years thank you very much. Anyway, back to the DVDs. They are grouped by subject and you should definitely check them out: Sex and Drugs, Social Interaction, Driving School, Workplace, Religion, Patriotism, plus another couple. With actuall footage of classroom filmstrips from the 1950' up to the 1980's, they are truly classics. Again, they come with the Be Petty stamp of approval!

And now my Honku:

Woe to the Mustang

What were you thinking?
I know how to sum you up...
Small penis, no taste!

Oh, by the way, this is about the new Mustangs, specifically the convertibles. If you read this and own one-- I'm sorry (about you owning one, not the honku).



Bonjour mes amies,

Today is Sunday and I am at work as usual. It's pretty icky here in Victoria today, but at leat were not -100, 000, 000 degrees like some of the country. I had a pretty quiet evening last night so, lucky for you, you do not have to hear any stories about my sordid life. But here is what some other people are up to.

In one of my Blogs, I mentionned my friend Art Vandelay, of Vandelay Industries Inc. You can check out his blog on the sidebar. Anyway, an update on the Mrs. Vandelay situation has recently occured in that Mrs. Vandelay, who was supposed to be attending university in Halifax for 2 years has come back home. How does this affect me, you may be asking? Well, so much for me having someone else to mope with when my Scotsman leaves on the 30th (not the 29th as originally believed... it helps to actually check to plane ticket!). So, it looks as if I will be left to wallow in my sorrow alone.

On a lighter note, I have brought my good friend Deeover to the dark side. She just started her first Blog. I have hers posted along the side. Check out what PLaTo's BAbe has to say from time to time. Also, Dee is the person who you will want to talk to to A) get a screenplay written, b) produce your own tv show, c) direct a movie and d) get published in a magazine and e)hire a puppet to kill your ex.

As for my random recommendation du jour... Here's one for you, but it may take a bit of searching on your part. It's been a dogs age since I have seen The Search for One-Eyed Jimmy. Don't worry if you haven't heard of it, I only ever saw it in one video store and I am pretty sure it didn't come out in wide release in the theatres. Anyway, here is what it's about: "While working on a documentary on his old neighborhood, a young film school graduate shifts the focus of his production onto the disappearance of a local resident and the strange characters who are conducting the search to find him". All I can really remember about this film is that I laughed so hard throughout the entire thing that I can't remember what it is about. So there, you now have the Be Petty stamp of approval! You'll love it if you are a Steve Buscemi fan.

So that's it for me today. I'll have a honku for y'all tomorrow as it wasn't quite ready for this publication.



Hello again all!

Had a great couple of days off. My Scotsman and I went over the Saltspring Island to see my folks and had a lovely lunch. Other than that, it was a pretty quiet couple of days. I would love to regale you with tales of getting a new set of windshield wiper blades and get this... a new steering wheel cover, but I will be kind and spare you those gory details. We also went and saw Master and Commander last night, which was very good. It's no Lord of the Rings but very entertaining nonetheless.

On a different note, my good friend KS informed me that he will be taking a little trip to Bangkok next week. I always get a little giggle whenever he gets to go to these crazy places all over the world: Algeria, Amsterdam, India, Jamaica, Russia (which didn't end up happening), South Africa. Why do I laugh you ask, well... he calls me to get the 411 on these places. Why, you ask once again??? It just so happens that I am on expert on many of these places, thanks to a little book called...... Ta Da.... The World's Most Dangerous Places by Robert Young Pelton. I find it most useful for making sense of all the political craziness that seems to drive our world. For more information on this weird, weird, dysfunctional world of ours, check out the link on the side bar, which I have added for your convenience. Fortunately for KS, Bangkok is not listed among the most dangerous places in the world...yet., although I have been told that it is a little stinky. Stay tuned for further editions.

That's it for me little chill'uns. No Honku today as there was no real issues on the way to work. Don't be sad though, because tomorrow is another day.

Who loves you baby?