Today is Saturday and I am very sad. Yesterday, my Scotsman left for home--Scotland, in case you didn't know where Scotsmen came from. Anyway, as I still get teary-eyed whenever I talk or think about it... I will say nothing further. If anyone is looking for me I will be at home in the evenings, wallowing in my self-pity. Sniff Sniff.

On a different note altogether, I am beginning to think that i just shouldn't be out driving on the roads. This morning I was behind a fella who just didn't feel like signaling when he changed lanes. Don't worry, I know I have already Honku'd you with this subject. Anyway, as he made to turn right (he was in the right lane), I casually glanced in his direction, just to see what this non-signaling cowboy looked like. For some reason, he must have anticipated this and decided to give me the finger. Why, I have no idea. It's not like I was tailgating or even driving aggressively. Ok, perhaps I was following too closely at one point, like when he slowed down to about 30 clicks for a few minutes, but I was just hoping to get the light. That's when he randomly pulled into the right lane and then FINALLY decided that he would be kind enough to let the people behind him know that there would be some turning action going on! And that brings us to the fingering. Well, it was just the thing that I didn't want to see this morning. In order to keep my faith in humanity, I have to believe that he will get his one day. Perhaps someone will buy him a Mustang Convertible. Is there any fate worse than that? You tell me. And now, a short Honku about something completely different:

Hey Mr. Nice Man!
May good Karma be with you,
For letting me in

There's a lesson in there for everyone. Too bad that Mr. "I like to give people the finger, but not signal Hyundai Elantra man" won't be reading this.

RRDJ: Be kind to an elderly person. The other day, while I was in the Mini-City (safeway/liquor store at fort and foul bay), I happened to be leaving the liquor store at the same time as a very elderly and very bent over woman. Well, you know how heavy bags are when they are filled with all that liquor goodness. Anyway, I asked her if I could help her to her car with her bags. She agreed and it was all over and done with in just a few moments. I took an extra minute out of my day and helped a fellow human being. Did I get anything out of it. Nope, not unless you count that little worm glow that you get for doing something nice for someone--payment enough for me.

Later Skaters,


RRDJ: The Buddha Board. For people who do not want anyone else to know how unartistic they really are!



Hi People,

Me once again. Well, 2 days till D-D Day (David Departure Day). As much as I don't want him to go, I really hate the waiting. He's with the doggies right now. I hope they don't attack him like they did a few weeks ago. Mean doggies! You can't tell me that dogs are better than cats!!! When was the last time a cat had to be put down for mauling a person to death. I know, I know, Roy of Seigfried and Roy is now a "special" person because of a cat attack, but I'm talking about wee domesticated cats, like Oreo or my friend Dee's cat Spaz. A little scratch now and again, but that's about it. Anyway, that's my profound statement of the day: Cats are better than Dogs!!!

Switching gears here, I would like to mention that I have followed my own RRDJ from the other day and picked up Graham Hancock's new book, Underworld: The Mysterious Origins of Civilzations. Can't wait to start it. I'll let you know how I am progressing. Feel free to pick it up so we can all read together and have discussions about it, like Oprah's Book Club. We can call it Petty's Book Lovers' Peruse and Talk About the Book While We Read the Book Together Club and Forum Inc. Let me know what you think about the title. Too long Maybe. How about the acronym: PBLPATATBWWRTBTCAFI. Much better!

No Honku today folks as I actually... get this... actually walked into town. But I did add to my philatetic collection today (that's stamps for the unitiated) by purchasing the Year of the Monkey souvenir sheets and uncut full sheet. They are very beautiful. I know my grandma will be happy that I am adding to her collection.

Being stuck in Vic. has left me to live vicariously through my friends and I hope to have some thrilling stories of my good friend KS's trip to Bancock. He left this morning and will be back in a few days. That's the problem when you only get to travel when you are kicking people out of the coutry... you don;t really get the chance to enjoy your stay. And here's hoping that he doesn't pick up the Bird Flu while he's there. More on that saga later.

RRDJ: DVD Commentaries. Is there anything better? I just love to hear all the fascinating tidbits on the behind the scenes of film making. The director's ones are very good, but if you can find cast commentaries, they are usually pretty funny. If anything, they can at least give you some insights as to what kind of person the actor is in real life.



Graham's newest book is called Underworld: The Mysterious Origins of Civilizations. It looks really good.

By the by, I wouldn't recommend thinking about moving to Toronto, Jenn... we just got killed with somewhere around 40cm of snow. Unless you want to write Honkus about hydroplaning to and from work with stupid ass SUVs driving at top speed, and then spinning out of control into the ditch... which really... does make for good comedy.
So here I am at work. A lovely day for an outdoor wedding I must say! Yah right. Maybe, if you like rain and fog and cold, damp ocean air. Yes, you heard me. I am getting one fewer day to spend with my Scotsman because a crazy Aussie thinks that getting married outside at our lighthouse in the middle of winter is a good idea!!! I am not super chuffed at this and I think that will be all I will say on the matter!

Back to the Scotsman, who is leaving in 3 days. Am I sad? Very, but it's good in a way. He needs to go home and figure out what the heck he is going to do with his life. Until then, there is not a whole lot I can do. Is he a great guy? YES! In fact, I think everyone should date a Scotsman. Why, you may be asking yourself? Well, here goes my list of 3 Reasons to Date a Scotsman list:

3) Scotsmen are from Scotland
2) Scotsmen have Scottish accents
1) Kilts, Kilts, Kilts!!!

Sorry, not too earth-shattering, but there you go. Anyway, all this writing about Scotsman is making a little teary-eyed so I will say no more on this subject. On a similiar note though, it seems that my pauvre petite amie Dee has been having some man troubles of her own. Poor Dee, and you thought that it was Victoria that was bringing you the bad man luck. Oh who am I kidding, it's true. Victoria has pretty much lost all appeal to me. As beautiful as it is, especially now that the rest of the coutry is like minus a billion degrees, I HAVE TO GET OUT OF THIS PLACE!!!!!!! If for any reason, just to get away from the horrible drivers in this town. Oh, and by the way, since having posted my lament to the Ford Mustang convertible, it would seem that they are everywhere. Now, I am not usually one for being paranoid... I leave that for my friend SAM... but I'm pretty sure there is some sort of conspiracy out there. Are Ford Mustang convertibles taking over the world???? All I am saying is think about it! Anyway, here is my Honku du jour. As usual, it is based on actual events.

Hey! Wake up Buddy!
Whenever it suits YOUR needs,
Feel free to turn left!

Not my best, I know, but you can't strike gold every time you go a diggin'. And now for my RRDJ. I could recommend just one book, but instead, I will recommend an author. What books you choose (or don't choose, whatever, my feelings won't be hurt) are up to you. Graham Hancock has penned many, many books among them, Message of the Sphynx, The Mars Mystery and Fingerprints of the Gods (my Fav!). Typically his books search for evidence on early lost civilizations, usually arguing that ancient civilzations are both older and more advanced than scientists and historians have given them credit for. A little crazy? Maybe, but at least he backs up his arguments with some pretty impressive evidence. Unlike some people ie. Nancy Leidner who believes that everything that scientists or governments says is part of a massive worldwide cover-up. How does she know this? Oddly enough, she gets all her information from an alien species called the Zeta Reticulans. It's hard not to believe when it comes from such a source! And that reminds me, I have added a new link on the sidebar-- Bad Astronomy will inform you as to just how wacko this woman is. But back to Graham Hancock. Great writer and a RRDJ that I am especially proud of.



Gung Haggis Fat Choi (I know this is spelled sooo wrong, so please don't write me and tell me)!

After a few days absence I have returned. Have y'all missed me??? Well, despite having been gone for so many days, I really have little to report. I have, however, been able to spend some quality time with my Scotsman before he leaves... which is this Friday! I can't believe how fast these past 2 1/2 months have gone. Soon I will be back in the ranks of the bittter single people. Although I won't be single, I will be bitter! And how! How I wish my friend Dee could be here to help me wallow in my pathetic sadness. I'll just have to Be Petty all by my lonesome.

Well, I had hoped to write more today (honkus etc...), but as I speak, there is a really creepy man sitting beside me at the library and he is starting to scare the heck out of me--with his sighing and his staring and his lavin'. Oh... and he smells. More tomorrow!



Hello friends and neighbours,

No whimsical musings today, as nothing exciting happend last night and/or today. Typical Wednesday of getting not a heck of a lot accomplished. I can't promise any new posting in the next week for I will be taking an extra few days off as my Scotsman leaves in just over a week. Sniff Sniff, so sad!

My RRDJ (random recommendation du jour) is for you to check out these Terrorism Preparedness Guides, so that you will know what to do in the event of an attack. Ok, OK, they're parodies, but they are pretty informative in their own right. You'll also be left to ponder what hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have in common.

That's all for now.

Bye Chilluns'



Good Morning All,

Had a good dinner of F&C at the PF last night, but I don't know what is up with that place. Sometimes they use this beautiful, that's right, I said beautiful light batter that has very little grease. This is the kind of battered fish I like. However, sometimes...and this is what turned me off of eating there for a while... sometimes the batter is very, very, very thick and greasy. This was the case last night and while others at the dinner table (ie. Mr Vandelay) seemed to enjoy this preparation better, my poor little tummy just can't handle it. I won't go into too much detail about the icky feelings in my l'il tomak last night except to say that it reminded me of my Vancouver days. What a great segue into my random recommendation du jour:

Living in the West End of Vancouver enabled me to sample a large variety of different ethnic restaurants... Oh who am I kidding... every second restaurant was a sushi/japanese food place. With sushi freak friends like KS visiting every weekend, I definitely got my fill of these places. However, of all the ones I visited, there are two of note. The first one, and the best one, in my opinion is Kisha Poppo on Davie. Very yummy all-you-can-eat. I nursed many a day-after-too-much-partying days there. Nothing helps a hangover better than miso soup and gyoza!

The other one that I will mention is Tanpopo and I am not mentionning this establishment because it is superior in any way to Kisha Poppo. In actuality, the reverse is true. It is also an all-you-can-eat place and is really only worth going to in the summertime and that's only because it has a nice outdoor rooftop overlooking Denman. Those of us who have sampled the fare at this resaurant have a little saying: "you get the poo poo from the Tanpopo". Which brings us back to last night... TOO MUCH GREASE! And there, I told you way too much about my l'il tomak last night! For more information on Vancouver's great resaurants or more specifically, the not so great ones, check the Vancouver Health Board's Restaurant closures site. Check it frequently to avoid messy apres dinner parties!

And last, but not least my Honku. Today it is dedicated to my good friend SAM (please note that name has been changed for legal purposes). I call this little number Ode to the Snorkel Truck:

Ode to the Snorkel Truck

Hey, there's a snorkel!
How did it get on that truck?
Ev'ry man--jealous



Well Hello Folks,

Some changes to report. As usual, I made a big booboo. It was brought to my attention that perhaps I shouldn't use people's full names, places of work etc... period! With that in mind, I have gone back and taken out the aforementionned evil doings in my previous posts. And while this may make it confusing for people as to who everyone is (and for me in later years when I read this), you can be rest assured that, should I choose to include you in the masterpiece that is 1-800 Be Petty, your privacy shall from this day forward be upheld.

Ok, onto something a bit more enlightening. In case people didn't know this, I am writing a book. I started it about 2 years ago and was well on my way to having a chapter or three finished before I got a serious case of writer's block. Is there anything more annoying???? Well, besides the subject of my honku of the day which you will find further down... nothing! Anyway, this summer my brain kicked into overdrive and I have picked it up again. Let me summarize it for you: It's the story of a little boy named Harvey who's parents were killed and he has since been brought up with his aunt and uncle and small cousin Stoodley. On his 11th birthday he gets a letter from Hobart's School for Little Wizards and Witches. Ta Da... Little Harvey is a wizard! He then goes on to have many adventures with his two best friends Don Cheesy and Wilhemina Banger.

LOL I'm just kidding folks! I can imagine what you were just thinking... "but Jen???? That's already been turned into one of the most well known books of all time?????" Hee Hee, just my little joke. But seriously, about my book. I really am back to writing it. In a way I am excited about having a break from work as I hope to get it mostly completed. Dee-- I'll be coming to see you soon.

Other than that little tidbit, the only thing new and exciting is 2 for 1 F&C at the PF tonight. I am desperately hoping that there is an even number of people tonight. Two weeks in a row being the odd person out... I am starting to believe that I will never eat a piece of Halibut for the rest of my life!

Adn now, I will leave you with two things. First, my random recommendation du jour: The Educational Archives. I thought that there were only 4, but after an in-depth 1 minute search, there actually now appear to be about 8. What are the educational archives?? Believe me, you already know. Do you remember how excited you were in school when the teacher rolled in a film projector and you thought "Yippee, a film" It didn't matter what it was. All that mattered was you didn't have to learn anything for the next little while. And so you were stuck watching whatever random educational strip the teacher happened to pick off the shelf. My most vivid memory of watching one of these "educational" films was during sex ed, back when they separated the boys from the girls. Do they still do that??? Anyway, I remember watching this crazy 60's film about a girl getting her first period or "mens-true-a-tion". I learned that there was nothing wrong with me, I wasn't a freak... In fact, I was very special that have this happen every month because that meant that I was now...gasp... a women. I also remember the film showing us how to use those crazy sanitary pads with the belts... Hello??? Teacher???? Those hadn't been used in about 20 years thank you very much. Anyway, back to the DVDs. They are grouped by subject and you should definitely check them out: Sex and Drugs, Social Interaction, Driving School, Workplace, Religion, Patriotism, plus another couple. With actuall footage of classroom filmstrips from the 1950' up to the 1980's, they are truly classics. Again, they come with the Be Petty stamp of approval!

And now my Honku:

Woe to the Mustang

What were you thinking?
I know how to sum you up...
Small penis, no taste!

Oh, by the way, this is about the new Mustangs, specifically the convertibles. If you read this and own one-- I'm sorry (about you owning one, not the honku).



Bonjour mes amies,

Today is Sunday and I am at work as usual. It's pretty icky here in Victoria today, but at leat were not -100, 000, 000 degrees like some of the country. I had a pretty quiet evening last night so, lucky for you, you do not have to hear any stories about my sordid life. But here is what some other people are up to.

In one of my Blogs, I mentionned my friend Art Vandelay, of Vandelay Industries Inc. You can check out his blog on the sidebar. Anyway, an update on the Mrs. Vandelay situation has recently occured in that Mrs. Vandelay, who was supposed to be attending university in Halifax for 2 years has come back home. How does this affect me, you may be asking? Well, so much for me having someone else to mope with when my Scotsman leaves on the 30th (not the 29th as originally believed... it helps to actually check to plane ticket!). So, it looks as if I will be left to wallow in my sorrow alone.

On a lighter note, I have brought my good friend Deeover to the dark side. She just started her first Blog. I have hers posted along the side. Check out what PLaTo's BAbe has to say from time to time. Also, Dee is the person who you will want to talk to to A) get a screenplay written, b) produce your own tv show, c) direct a movie and d) get published in a magazine and e)hire a puppet to kill your ex.

As for my random recommendation du jour... Here's one for you, but it may take a bit of searching on your part. It's been a dogs age since I have seen The Search for One-Eyed Jimmy. Don't worry if you haven't heard of it, I only ever saw it in one video store and I am pretty sure it didn't come out in wide release in the theatres. Anyway, here is what it's about: "While working on a documentary on his old neighborhood, a young film school graduate shifts the focus of his production onto the disappearance of a local resident and the strange characters who are conducting the search to find him". All I can really remember about this film is that I laughed so hard throughout the entire thing that I can't remember what it is about. So there, you now have the Be Petty stamp of approval! You'll love it if you are a Steve Buscemi fan.

So that's it for me today. I'll have a honku for y'all tomorrow as it wasn't quite ready for this publication.



Hello again all!

Had a great couple of days off. My Scotsman and I went over the Saltspring Island to see my folks and had a lovely lunch. Other than that, it was a pretty quiet couple of days. I would love to regale you with tales of getting a new set of windshield wiper blades and get this... a new steering wheel cover, but I will be kind and spare you those gory details. We also went and saw Master and Commander last night, which was very good. It's no Lord of the Rings but very entertaining nonetheless.

On a different note, my good friend KS informed me that he will be taking a little trip to Bangkok next week. I always get a little giggle whenever he gets to go to these crazy places all over the world: Algeria, Amsterdam, India, Jamaica, Russia (which didn't end up happening), South Africa. Why do I laugh you ask, well... he calls me to get the 411 on these places. Why, you ask once again??? It just so happens that I am on expert on many of these places, thanks to a little book called...... Ta Da.... The World's Most Dangerous Places by Robert Young Pelton. I find it most useful for making sense of all the political craziness that seems to drive our world. For more information on this weird, weird, dysfunctional world of ours, check out the link on the side bar, which I have added for your convenience. Fortunately for KS, Bangkok is not listed among the most dangerous places in the world...yet., although I have been told that it is a little stinky. Stay tuned for further editions.

That's it for me little chill'uns. No Honku today as there was no real issues on the way to work. Don't be sad though, because tomorrow is another day.

Who loves you baby?



Well Hello once again!

Here is my newest Honku. It actually stems from an incident last night while my Scotsman and I were dring out to have dinner with my Uncle Bob. Why some people just don't get that if you are not going SIGNIFICANTLY FASTER than the cars in the right hand lane, then you shouldn't be in the passing lane. Don't those people know that people who use the fast lane are chronically late and need to speed because their life... well, maybe not their life, but perhaps their job, or catching a ferry etc... depends on it??????? Ok, Ok, so it was only dinner with Uncle Bob but still. This Honku is of yet, untitled.

Hey, Slowly McSlow
People behind you hate you!
Move your ass over

Not much in the way of wickedly cool relevations or other goings on. I have a library book that is late... Scott's Standard Book of Stamps, Volume 2 (c-f). for those that don't know, I inhereted my Grandmother's stamp collection and am now therefor a Philatelist: One who is interested in Philately (stamp collecting). Although not a hobby that I would have necessarliy chosen for myself, it its kind of neat, but very frustrating! Stay tuned for more exciting updates on this topic!

So, now it is time to go, but before I do, I will leave you with something that you should see if you haven't already seen it. My friend Wendy Cho will probably get a little chuckle out of this suggestion. Kentucky Fried Movie is one of those little gems that you either think is the most hilarious thing ever or.... that it's completely stupid. I'll let you be the judge. A TOY ROBOT?????? DDAAAHHHHH!!!!!!




Happy Tuesday. I bet all zero of you who will read this are wondering if anything new and exciting happened between yesterday and today. Well, besides today being one day closer to the time my Scotsman leaves (Jan 29) and me being unemployed (Feb 17)... Nope. I did have another great dinner at the Penny though. Check out the site to see the photos taken of the pub by my good friend ST--Photographeuse Extraordinaire. No one takes a picture of gigantic halibut like Ms. T-B!

In my first Blog I introduced you all (all zero of you) to my Honku. Maybe you were wondering... What the heckelly deckelly is a Honku. It's a Haiku (3 line poem: 5 syll, 7 syll, 5 syll) dedicated to the frustrations of driving. Well, you may or may not know this about me, but I sometimes get REALLY frustrated while driving! I know, I know, very surprising due to the delicate nature of my personality. And sometimes that frustration is compounded by the fact that I live in Victoria, BC: The Uber Old Person capital of Canada. With that in mind, I present, for your entertainment a Honku entitled:

<em>Ode to the Left Turn Signal

Old person driving
Can you not hear that ticking?
Please, stop the blinking!

I hope you enjoyed that. Are you excited that you will be able to live my drives to work in the morning? I know I am.

Before I sign off for today, I will leave you with a video suggestion that was discussed at dinner last night. If you haven't seen Trekkies, rush to your nearest video store and rent it now. It's a documentary that documents (really?) the obsession that many people (more than you know) have with Star Trek. And here is some late breaking news. In undertaking the very indepth research that I do for writing my Blog, I have discovered that they are coming out with a Trekkies 2. How cool is that???? Anyway, back to Trekkies. It helps to Be Petty though, so enjoy.



Happy Monday!

Well, my wee Scotsman is leaving in 2 1/2 weeks and I am very sad. Maybe somehow I can teach my cat Oreo to meow in a scottish accent (McMeow???). That way, I won't miss him so much. Why do I seem to get involved with fellas from different countries... thereby making it impossible to pursue serious relationships... It's a mystery to me. If anyone has any ideas, feel free to let me know.

On a whole other note (yes, please, let's get away from my mental issues)... I should introduce my friend Bobby... not to be confused with Bobbie (that's me). He was the one who introduced me to this outlet. Before you judge him too harshly, check out his Blog, Vandelay Industries, where you will find high quality latex products, as well a variety of other musings. Poor Bobby... His wife has gone away for a wee while. Pretty soon, we will be moping together.

Never one to be afraid of stealing other people's ideas, I am going to follow suit/copy Mr. Vandelay and give y'all some entertainment suggestions.

1) Movie: If your haven't gone to see Lord of the Rings Return of the King yet... what the hell are you thinking?????? Go see it you crazies. Ladies, stay away from Legolas. HE'S MINE!!!!!!!!!

2) Music: Lounge Music: Is there anything more enjoyable to listen to than cheesy cocktail music? Not that I can think of. Goes really well with Martinis.

3) TV: Well, unfortunately I don't have cable but... I do get some quality TV shows such as Blind Date and Maury. But I have to say that the prize goes to Elimidate. Nothing showcases female intelligence and dignity better than a show about 4 women hoping not to get voted off by Mr. Chach. Alcohol + 4 insecure women + 1 boy = Bad Idea.

Well, that's it for today folks. Stay tuned for more.



Sorry 'bout the no message thang for the past few days, I actually got to have a couple of days off. Yippee. I am of the mind however, that 2 days off a week is NOT ENOUGH! If someone knows of a serious petition going around to have that changed please, please, please let me know.

A rainy Saturday here in good old Victoria, BC. Canada. Our big snowfall lasted about 1 whole day which is probably a good things seeing as how the Army had to be called out the last time we had a big dump of snow. That being said, it was very beautiful, especially out at the good old fort.

Who can name the the character and movie this line is from?: Who is your Daddy and what does he do?"

Give up? Well, here's your answer: The Gov.

Anyway, back to the days off. Went to see my friend Cassie who works at the Dominion Astrophysical Observatory's Centre of the Universe. It was great to see her and she finally got to meet my Scotsman proving that he's not fictitious afterall. And then off to a movie last night--Big Fish. A very cute flick with another Scotsman, Ewan McGregor (I don't know how to spell it). And that leads us up to right now... A rainly day in good old Victoria, BC. Canada.



Wasabi Friends!

Welcome to my first ever Blog. I hope that you enjoy the little tidbits that will be posted here from now until...

Spare time + Vivid Imagination (- a few lost brain cells) = Fun Fun Fun for all.

1-800 Be Petty you ask? Well, as the Mind Fish will tell you... "It's a secret". Confused? Tee Hee.

Honku of the Day:

your arm must be broke
to not signal your lane change
I should run you down