A day has gone by and I'm already breaking my own rules. When it comes to my new philosophy ofdating, I mentioned yesterday that I was...I AM...committed to meeting a wider vatiety of people than I otherwise would have in the past. And I really am. But I'm not sure that I really sat down and figured out just what my cut off point was going to be.

I think I just got my first example.

Lookswise, not really my cup of tea. But again, looks aren't the be all and end all of what it's all about. They never been for me. I'm talking to you, Peter Crouch. No, what's more important is personality, in that you have to have a personality. Or at least not take yourself too seriously. When I think back to all the bad dates I ever had, the one steady trait they all shared was a sense of "stick up the buttedness." Never a good match for me.

I received an email from a fella this morning and not that he'll read this so he can maybe change his ways, nor will I post his email verbatim (which was clearly copied and pasted...which is a no no in and of itself), but I will take this time to comment on why I will not be meeting him. Perhaps give others food for thought when writing someone on a dating site.

And yes, I will be responding politely. That is something that I have also committed to. A polite thank you for taking the time to reach out, but I don't think we have enough in common blah, blah, blah.

  1. If your starting line starts out with both "peruse" and "hence" and not in any kind of ironic way, chances are the rest of the email doesn't hold much potential in grabbing my attention.
  2. If you next go on to mention that not only can your friends and family "attest to the fact" that you're a great guy, but community members as well. Actually, I would like to hear what they had to say. Can you give me their contact information?
  3. "Cordially" asking me to reply if I am "amenable" to exchanging some emails is good and all, but to me, it reminds of that letter that Joey wrote to the adoption agency on behalf of Monica and Chandler...you know the one where he uses the thesaurus for every single word.
  4. Only talking about yourself. I don't want to read five paragraphs of YOU telling me how "awesome" other people think you are. Nor do I want anything that is already in your profile repeated. All that tells me is that you have not taken the time to read my profile. I want to know what it was about ME that you like. And how you think we'll get along.
  5. I don't care that you are "seeking the wholesome company of a single female." I'm not even going to start on using the word "female" in your text. Because let's face it, if you HAD read my profile, "wholesome" is not a word that could be used in any context as it applies to me. I'm pretty sure anyone who lists "beer" as an interest may not be what you're looking for. In the same vein, even stating you're a "male" is ridiculous. I have eyes. I can see for myself.
  6. Using the word "CAUCASIAN" no less that five times and in all caps leads me to believe that you operate on a whole other level than I do. I also generally date within my own cultural milieu, but if I am writing to a guy who is clearly white, and I am also clearly white, let's not even go down the race rode. In factm why even go there anyway. EVER.
  7. Saying the you have a "wicked sense of humour" while in no way demonstrating it in either your profile or your letter = WTF. This is one of my biggest pet peeves, followed closely by "people say I'm good looking." You have pictures up, let me judge that for myself.

I won't even talk about the profile, as a) it mostly contains the same information and b) I'm already bored talking about this topic.

But fellas, you should know that while it seems like such a little thing, what you put in your initial email is extremely important. Especially if you don't fall into that top 1% in the looks department. We don't know you and are judging you on what you have to say. And what I saw in this case was a guy who was way too concerned about what he had to say, rather than what I wanted to hear. Not to mention the tone. If he had taken the time to read my email he would have seen that clearly I don't take online dating, or life for that matter, at all seriously.

Hence, why I will be cordially replying and letting him know that I will not be amenable to exchanging future email with which we could use to get to know one another...you know two single caucasian folks...him a male, me a female.


Bea's dating adventures: chapter 8

I'm not sure what prompted my desire to return to the world of dating, but returned I have. Albeit with a twist.

I turn thirtyhundred this month and while I don't feel even remotely this old, apparently age is more than a number for many of the men on various online dating sites. A girlfriend of mine was the first to notice that once she turned thirtyninetynine, communications on said sites seemed to slow down to a trickle, at best. Like, one day, she was chugging along, able to pick and choose who she would respond to because there were so many and the next...the day of her birthday, where her age went up by one year on her profile...nothing.

I thought my friend was exxagerating, but when the time came for my age to creep up by one number, the exact same thing happened. Apparently there is such a thing as "too old" when you're online dating. Boo.

My friend tried an experiment. She deleted her profile and then lowered her age by a year. Bringing her to the age she had been but the day before. And the results were amazing. She was back to receiving message after message after message. But the results were also disheartening. I mean, a year. One stinking year. But it was enough to be screened out from all but a few searches. I swore that I wouldn't ever do that. That it was about quality and not quantity. But you can't even discuss quality when there is no quantity. Like, literally.

And so, I did it. Yesterday. I'm not lying when I say that I have had more guys write me in the last day than wrote me in the last year. Wow.

I know, it's wrong. Bad karma and all that stuff. But here's the catch which I am hoping will offset that teensy modification of the truth:

I'm going to be more open about who I go out with.

If you ever followed my adventures in dating from a few years ago, you may remember that I was quite particular about who I would meet. Not this time around. With VERY few exceptions, I am committed to responding to and then meeting pretty much anyone who wants to meet me. I'm not lowering my standards by any stretch of the imagination. That would be doing myself a huge disservice. It's more that I'm not sure that I'm in a position to judge someone soley based on their picture/profile. And so I'm going to take it to the next step and judge for myself--in person.

Will it lead to success? Um. I'm not sure. I'm hoping to expand my horizons and possibly meet some really nice people. And at the very least, I'm hoping to have some zany adventures which I can blog about for the amusement of all.

Wish me luck!