Friday

Back from Prague... And yes... I'm completely with you on the scarves issue. I knit one myself while I was there. It's the only way to go!

Thursday

Howdy,

So,,,,,,,,,, back on SSI again. After a brief stint in Victoria the past couple of days I have returned to face the mountain of painting that has been building since I was here last. AAARRRGGHHH! That's OK though because oddly enough, I really enjoy it. There is something to be said for a completely mindless job. I can understand why many house painters Be Petty while on the job. Not me though....hmm...well maybe later.

I've just realized that it has been a while since my last RRDJ. Also a while since my last Honku as well but people seem to be getting the picture. I'm sure it will just be a matter of time before something happens so stay tuned. Now, back to the RRDJ. This one is weird because it is a RRDJ that is new to me as well. In fact, it's something that I have yet to start but am in the process as we speak: Knitting. For those that know me well (especially the last couple of years) you should know about my obsession with scarves. Luckily in balmy Victoria, one can get away with a simple sweater and a nice wool scarf. While purusing the plethora of stores that sell scarves I came to the conclusion that other people must have jumped on this bandwagon... Have you seen the $$$ of a simple scarf?! CRAZY. Anyway, I've decided to make my own from now own. You should all be scared.... guess what you'll be getting for Christmas!!!!!!

Ciao,
J

Ps. A big haló! to my friend Dee who is in the Czech Republic at the moment, Prague specifically. I hope she is having a great time. Miss you tons!

Sunday

Bonjour,

Well, I am on Saltspring Island assisting in the construction of the family chateau. Ok, Ok, so maybe it's not as grand as that, but anything is better than the house we have now. Stay tuned for new and exciting updates.

With that being said, I must get out and paint a second coat onto my floorboards. Superfun!

Ta,
J

Tuesday

Mornin'

So, you'll be happy to know that I am feeling a bit better today. My friend Wendy Cho suggested perhaps I am allergic to my 30's. If that's the case, then it's going to be a heck of a long decade. It's a good thing I have this Blog to keep me sane.

I would like to thank everyone who sent me greetings and/or a card and gifts. If you didn't, feel free to make it up to me by buying me lots and lots of presents. For your convenience, may I suggest using the links on the side bar. There is even one entitled "things you can buy me" that I put there for just such an occasion.

A special thanks goes out to Art Vandelay. Not only did he give me some fantastic advice about putting fish down my pants, but he also got me completely addicted to Alias. I had no choice but to purchase the entire second season. Gift idea? You bet-- the first and third seasons (is the third season out?).

Bye,
j

Monday

Hi

Today is my birthday and I am sick. Two days ago, I celebrated Valentine's Day without the presence of my Scotsman. After tomorrow, I have no job. What did I do to piss God off?

I was trying to think of something that would lift my spirits and besides being Petty (which I can't do at work anyway) I could think of only one thing that would do it...... Ding Ding! Here come's the shit-mobile!!!. I strive to be as brutally honest as this man.

Bye all,
J
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Love you!

Thursday

Yo Yo,

Now that my Scotsman has gone and I am no longer in La La Land, I have decided to turn back to my Russian Gypsy Fortune Telling Cards to gain insight into my life. With that in mind, I invite anyone who wishes a reading to drop me a line: love life, career, travel plans etc... The cards know everything about everything. It's realllyyy ssppoooooky.

Bye,
J

Tuesday

Helloski

Just a wee entry for today. I had an e-mail from my friend Don Don which reminded me of a great website which I will now submit as my RRDJ. If you have a few minutes to spare, check out how these nice people over in Asia--Japan mostly-- seem to effortlessly butcher the new lingua franca of the world. It seems to me that there have to be at least one or two people in Japan who speak fluent english, oops, I'm sorry, Engrish. There are enough over here learning the language... what are they doing once they get home? Not translating signs for procucts and businesses, that's for sure.

Ta,
J

Monday

Happy Hump Day!

I know, I know, Hump Day is usually Wednesdays for most folk, but not for us Parkies. At least until next week anyway. Come the 17th, there will be no Hump Days for Jen. I was going to say something about there being no Hump Days for me anymore anyway since my Scotsman left, but I thought that would be too crude. Oops, I guess I just said it. Shame on me and my potty mouth.

So, the big news......... I finally won Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone. Yippee!!! It's about time too. I was extremely close to just throwing the frigging thing out the window.

Speaking of throwing things out the window, I have officially arrived at another writer's block with regards to my book. You know, it's the one about a group of people in Oakland, California who form a gang of sorts to return an evil gold chain necklace to the firey pit from whence it came. I call it Lord of the Bling Blings. It takes place in the pre-historical period of the year 2000 and in order to make it authentic, I will be doing all of the diologue in Ebonics. Yo buss dis. An' yeah, I be jokin Sheeit!

So, my RRDJ... Learn at least one new word every day. My word of the day is Futilitarian: one who is devoted to futile pursuits. Like me... with my book. I suggest that they be words you can throw into everyday conversations. That way, you can make the person you are talking to feel like an idiot because they don't have a clue what you are saying. Oh, why must I derive so much delectation from the witlessness of the plebes?

That's it from me today. Just a reminder that my birthday is coming up so feel free to buy me lots and lots of presents.

Yo buss dis. Catch you later. Sheeit!
J

Sunday

Howdy all,

So, my new favorite thing on TV is actually not a show...although I did catch a bit of Elimidate last night and it was very mentally stimulating...as usual. No folks, my new fav is a wee little gnome, the Roaming Gnome in fact. With his little red hat and cute little english accent (luv that accent), he roams the world searching for adventures. We are very much alike, he and I. That's probably why I am so drawn to his magnetism. So, in lieu of a honku today, you get a list of the top 5 reasons why Jennifer and the Roaming Gnome are soul mates:

5) We both like to travel
4) We both wear crazy red hats, although I have to wear mine at work and not for fun
3) We both speak really bad french - bonjour as they say
2) We have both made travel arrangments through Travelocity...it's true, I have!
1) We both enjoy a stinky piece of cheese--a pungent, ghastly stinky piece of cheese

Oh man, I crack myself up! But it actually reminds me that cheese is my favorite food. As such, feel free to refer to my new sidebar addition for all of your cheese needs. There's a whole other world out there--a world of cheese, glorious cheese! And here's a birthday gift hint... They have a cheese of the month club...think about it.

While we are on the subject of Cheese, just spoke to my friend KS in Cowtown. Apparently Calgary looks like a "big dirty and hairy asshole" today! That visual is much appreciated, thanks.

Well, as today's themes seem to be gnomes and cheese, I'll try to relate my RRDJ to the both of them. Ok, Ok, they might not be gnomes, but at least they are British. And there is definitely some cheese involved! Yes, I am talking about Monty Python, England's great comedy export of the 1970's. I gew up watching the movies...Holy Grail is my pick...and it was only recently that I started on the Flying Circus and even then, it took me a wee while to actually figure out with the hell was going on. The trick, of course, is to Be Petty. I've watched the episodes un-Pettied and they just aren't the same. Some of them are really, really bizarre especially in the later series when John Cleese left, but they are still pretty freaking hilarious! How funny are these guys? Well, lets just say that Pythonesque is now an official part of the english language. I hope one day to get Pettyesque in the dictionary. If anyone can think of a good definition, let me know!

Ta,
J

Wednesday

Who knew that there were 20 different kinds of pasta? Not me. Thanks J.

Tuesday

Howdy,

So, you may or may not notice a change in my Blog name. The 1-800 always looked weird, so I decided to take it out. Not that it or I will make any more sense from now on.

I'll just start right off with my Honku. You know, there are certain things about driving that really get my goat. I think we all know how I feel about the Devil's car... and no, I don't mean my friend KS... He has a Kia I think, but he is the Devil though...seriously... On a good day he can also be the Queen of England, but that's a whole other story. Anyway, back to my driving issues. Besides Mustang convertibles and people who finger you, I must say that one of the top driving annoyances that I have experienced are when people decide at the very last minute to turn. There are a variety of last-minute turners and I may just do a whole series of honkus devoted to the subject (ie. if you had told me you were turning right, down my street, I could have gone ages ago... now I will have to wait 5 more minutes for a break in the traffic you dumbass!!!). Todays' honku is about those people who decide to tell you that they are turning left, as the light is going green, or as they are in the intersection already. Annoying at anytime, but particularily so when I very easily could have changed lanes to bypass your stupidity (Johnson and Quadra), if only you had a courteous bone in your body and had informed everyone of your intention to turn. Here goes:

That Brings One's Car to Face as One's Left Side Did Before

You should have told us
Of your intention to turn.
Held captive are we!


Oh, another annoying thing that has happened to me twice in the last 12 hours... my car battery died. I was over for dinner at Art and Mrs. Vandelay's place last night and was brilliant enough to leave my lights on for 4 hours. Luckily another friend at dinner was leaving at the same time and was able to give me boost. I thought that I had driven around long enough to give it enough charge for the morning. Nope! Called a cab to give me another boost. Will I make it home tonight? Only time will tell.

And back to the Devil/the Queen/ my friend KS. He just got back from Thailand and despite having issues with the other person with whom he was travelling, he had a nice time. Can't wait to see that suit!

For my RRDJ today, I will turn my attention to food. I think everyone I know is either Atkinsing or is Vegan so this will not likely be a recommendation that is enjoyed by anyone but who cares... It's my RRDJ and I can do what I want with it. Besides, no one reads this freaking thing anyway (except my good friend Dee...she's going to be famous soon you know. I can say I knew her when...)! Back to food... If you happen NOT to be anti-carbs and/or Vegan (oh my god, can you do atkins and be a vegan?) check out Olivieri Swiss Cheese and Black Forest Ham Medallions. Fabulous and good enough to eat without any sauce at all. Of course there are many, many other types of pasta (20 to be exact) and lots of different sauces (14 in total), so I guess you veg heads could partake as well. So there you have it. I hope you get a chance to eat and enjoy.

TTFN

Monday

Wasabi People!

Got a chance to speak with my Scotsman today. Got the sniffles a few times...

Just want to clarify something re: Oscar Picks so that you don't think that I am a complete tard. The predictions were not predictions per say..... meaning that there was absolutely no edumacated quessing or research done on my part. I haven't even see half the movies. In fact, if I had put all the nominees up on a dart board and thrown darts to determine the winner, I would probably have gotten more right! In fact, I just might do that so I can compare the two. I'll keep you posted.

In other entertainment news... What's up with the whole Janet Jackson showing her boob thing? The FCC is now launching an investigation into this "gratuitous display of nudity". You would think that all the money they will spend getting to the bottom, or should I say the boobie (tee hee) of this silly affair could be spent on something a little more worthwhile such as... preventing kids from taking guns to school and killing fellow students? I dunno, just a thought. Maybe they could also hire a monkey to make Dubya's speeches from now on: "I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe — I believe what I believe is right." —Rome, July 22, 2001... Uh, Ok George. Oh, what a sick, sick world we live in.

Continuing in entertainment news... Supposedly, my little Legolas is going to propose to his so called "girlfriend" Kate something or other. Am I angry? Am I bitter? Am I jealous? Do I want to through something?.......yes. I know, I know... He's a flaming meterosexual, but....but.... Oh, who am I kidding, that actually does annoy me. The next thing I'll find out is that he drives a convertible Ford Mustang! Is there no justice in this world!

Today's RRDJ might make you laugh, but at least it won't cost you anything in the way of movie rentals or book purchases and the like. My recommendation is the spend a few minutes each day singing. That's right, I said sing... sing out loud... Seriously! There are few pastimes that I enjoy more. Do I irritate other people by my singing... definitely, but I usually don't do it in public--karoake is a different story however. In your apartment, in your car on the way to work (if everybody sang out loud in their car, then no one would be left to laugh at said people singing in their cars...think about it)... just about anywhere really. Do I have a nice voice? In my mind I do, but to others...mmmmm... probably not. But it doesn't really matter... because... if it feels good do it, even if you shouldn't, don't let people mess you around (Sloan...I sing this when it comes on the radio). Looking for ideas of songs to sing? I tend to enjoy musicals; Cats is a particular favorite (you probably don't need to know that I know all the words to all the songs), but any Andrew Lloyd Webber musical will do. Rap, opera, rock, hip hop, pop, oldies, you name it--they are all good. Classical? Hmm, not so good, only because there are no words. Country? Again, not good, but only because I dislike the genre and it would annoy me to hear you singing it. Singing a country song in a convertible Ford Mustang??? Mommy--make it stop?

Sunday

Hello Children

There is a new and exciting addition to Be Petty today. Yes, that's right folks --anyone and everyone can now add their 2 cents worth to my Blog. Not that people ever actually read this or visit the site but... At least now I will be informed if I have really offended someone. Perhaps one of my Honkus came a little bit close to the truth for some of you??? Some of my friends...and I won't mention any names because I think they know who they are... are HORRIBLE drivers. Have any RRDJ's??? Let me know. If I think they are good, I'll post them. If not, then I will mock you mercilessly. Great incentive!

So, Scotsman has been gone for 2 days now. The only difference for most of my friends (seeing as how you all live so far away and never met him anyway) is that I now have my phone back on a full time basis and am therefore easier to get a hold of. I will also be out of a job in a few weeks and will then be even easier to get a hold of. Anyone knowing of anything good, feel free to let me know.

So with my Scotsman being gone, I have more spare time than any one person should have. With that in mind, I present to you the BE PETTY 2004 OSCAR PICKS. Now, I must mention that these choices are based on different criteria than that used by professionals. At least one would hope so... you'll see what I mean. And I wouldn't run out and use my picks for betting on the Oscars. You might as well just give your money to me to go to Scotland. At least it will go to a good cause. Anyway, without further a doo doo, here goes

BEST PICTURE:
THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING
LOST IN TRANSLATION
MASTER AND COMMANDER: THE FAR SIDE OF THE WORLD
MYSTIC RIVER
SEABISCUIT

Why??? Because Elves are cool. So are trees that can talk.

ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE
Johnny Depp - PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: THE CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL
Ben Kingsley - HOUSE OF SAND AND FOG
Jude Law - COLD MOUNTAIN
Bill Murray - LOST IN TRANSLATION
Sean Penn - MYSTIC RIVER

Why? It's Johnny Depp... need I say more???

ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE
Keisha Castle-Hughes - WHALE RIDER
Diane Keaton - SOMETHING'S GOTTA GIVE
Samantha Morton - IN AMERICA
Charlize Theron - MONSTER
Naomi Watts - 21 GRAMS

Why? Well, not having actually seen any of the movies...

ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Alec Baldwin - THE COOLER
Benicio Del Toro - 21 GRAMS
Djimon Hounsou - IN AMERICA
Tim Robbins - MYSTIC RIVER
Ken Watanabe - THE LAST SAMURAI

Why? See above!

ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Shohreh Aghdashloo - HOUSE OF SAND AND FOG
Patricia Clarkson - PIECES OF APRIL
Marcia Gay Harden - MYSTIC RIVER
Holly Hunter - THIRTEEN
Renée Zellweger - COLD MOUNTAIN

Why? Haven't seen any of these either, but I have to go with Brigette Jones, n'est pas???

MUSIC (SONG)
"Into the West" - THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING
"A Kiss at the End of the Rainbow" - A MIGHTY WIND
"Scarlet Tide" - COLD MOUNTAIN
"The Triplets of Belleville" - THE TRIPLETS OF BELLEVILLE
"You Will Be My Ain True Love" - COLD MOUNTAIN

Why? A Mighty Wind... I freaking loved that movie!

ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
BROTHER BEAR
FINDING NEMO
THE TRIPLETS OF BELLEVILLE

Why? Only because I wanted to get at least one pick right.

CINEMATOGRAPHY
CITY OF GOD
COLD MOUNTAIN
GIRL WITH A PEARL EARRING
MASTER AND COMMANDER: THE FAR SIDE OF THE WORLD
SEABISCUIT

Why? It is the lesser of two weevils... get it? Ha Ha!

COSTUME DESIGN
GIRL WITH A PEARL EARRING
THE LAST SAMURAI
THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING
MASTER AND COMMANDER: THE FAR SIDE OF THE WORLD
SEABISCUIT

Why? Love those Rohan Riders!

DIRECTING
CITY OF GOD
THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING
LOST IN TRANSLATION
MASTER AND COMMANDER: THE FAR SIDE OF THE WORLD
MYSTIC RIVER

Why? Peter Jackson has to get something for hiring O.B. to play Legolas!

VISUAL EFFECTS
THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING
MASTER AND COMMANDER: THE FAR SIDE OF THE WORLD
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: THE CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL

Why? Two words: Myyyy preciousssssssssssss.

WRITING (ADAPTED SCREENPLAY)
AMERICAN SPLENDOR
CITY OF GOD
THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING
MYSTIC RIVER
SEABISCUIT

Why? Just giving some well deserved credit to Tolkein

WRITING (ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY)
THE BARBARIAN INVASIONS
DIRTY PRETTY THINGS
FINDING NEMO
IN AMERICA
LOST IN TRANSLATION

Why? Yo Yo Canada represent--in da howse!. Besides, Finding Nemo was ripped off from some cheese eating surrender monkey.

MAKEUP
THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING
MASTER AND COMMANDER: THE FAR SIDE OF THE WORLD
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: THE CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL

Why? Did you not see those Orcs? Scawy!

MUSIC (SCORE)
BIG FISH
COLD MOUNTAIN
FINDING NEMO
HOUSE OF SAND AND FOG
THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING

Why? Loved that violin!


So, there you have it. As you can see, I left many categories out. I didn't want it to be TOO painful. Besides, unless you actually know someone nominated in the other categories, no one cares!. That's it from me for today. Let me know your thoughts. Chat at y'all later.

Jenny-poo