Welcome to Deja Vu-Ville
Another dilema from the cyber-files.
" Anyway, I saw him last friday night and everything seems fine. Walking down the street he would hold my hand and he likes to cuddle etc. the only thing is is that he does not seem to want to see me more than once a week....or when he is free and has nothing else on. I invited him to a friend's bday last sat night and he said that he had to check his diary which was at work, and then later told me he had work drinks. I thikn this was bullocks cos when I asked him about his weekend yesteday, he did not even mention that he had been out on sat night. Here I am thinkning that he is too busy during the week to see me cos of work when in actual fact, he is probably busy dating other women. I must say that I am a little disappointed with your news and am not sure what to do. To be honest, I really like this guy but I am not sure what his feelings are ie whetehr he sees this as a casual thing or whether he thinks it may go somewhere. This friday night he has work drinks and I have plans and I don't think I want to see him saturday night.....I just don't see him making any effort at the moment and its been 5 weeks... What is a woman to do."
Um, yeah... This is a little deja vu for me... hence the title of this posting. A friend of a friend brought this little nugget to my attention and I must say, it frightened me just a tad. Avid "Me" readers may remember that this is EXACTLY what was happening with the former-PNB. He acted like he was into me when we were together (hand holding, cuddling etc) ... but he didn't really want to see me more than once a week. He also checked his Lavalife every day and didn't want to introduce me to his friends or meet mine. To make this whole thing even scarier, this particular gal's PNB has the same name as mine. It's like we are living parallel lives, except she lives in Australia. She's like Bea Downunda. Proof that us girls have the same issues with boys no matter where we live.
What IS a woman to do?
Even though I had the same thoughts and feelings as Bea Downunda, this is what I didn't do. I really, really wanted to ask him what his thoughts, feelings, intentions etc... were towards me. I kept putting it off becuase deep down, I was afraid of what the answer would be. Ultimately, the answer was something that I didn't want to hear, but had I had the guts to ask him when I originally wanted to, I probably would have saved myself a whole lot of hurt. Previously, I think I was in denial... Denial is like a drug... a wonderful drug that makes you feel really happy when you are on it, but as soon as you aren't... you come down oh so quickly and painfully.
Because I was in denial, I also didn't really look at all the signs. It DOES say a lot that he only wants to see you when he has nothing better going on. Or once a week. Or that he doesn't want to meet your friends. I was always able to make excuses for this... which was a huge mistake.
He's just not that into you if...
So, Bea Downunda, my humble advice is thus, and as it actually came from my above mentioned PNB when we (I should say I) discussed the matter after the fact, I can't really take full credit for it. A guy who seriously wants a relationship with you, or is really, really into you WILL want to see you, no matter how busy he is. If he can go an entire week without seeing you, he probably doesn't feel the same butterflies for you as you do for him. Here is where it gets tricky for you. If you bring the topic up, or press him to get more serious, chances are he will pull away. I hope that he doesn't, and it is entirely possible that he won't. I'm just going by my experience here. I also know that not all guys are the same and there are many, many other possibilities.
Hmmph... I just re-read what I wrote and I sound like a horrible b*tch saying that I don't think he is really into you... what a thing to say. Not being into someone does't mean that you don't like them. Ultimately, it comes down to what the other person is looking for. My former-PNB was looking for a gal who he needed and wanted to see all the time; someone who gave him butterflies even just by thinking of her. I was not that person. And neither was he the person for me in the end. Maybe you are what your guy is looking for. Only you really know what's going on and how things are between the two of you...
I totally suck... Hopefully someone else will have some wise wisdom for my little Aussie Dopelganger. UHL? GWTH? Any thoughts?
But hey... If it doesn't work out, you can always try to stay friends, start a blog and give him the address so he can read it. Then he can get mad at you when you say things about him and you can have a psuedo-friendship over the internet which will usually entail a series of arguments in the comments section for all to see. Good Times!