Miss Universe

miss universe

A Running Commentary

My very first... be patient. Even in the best of times, I am apt to wander and get off topic.

First off, I'd like to say a big TeeHee to last year's Miss Universe... Jennifer Hawkins. Makes me laugh... quite a bit actually.

Um... so, feel very sorry for the million girls who came all the way to Bankok and got cut like 2.5 seconds into the broadcast. To add insult to injury, they still have to come on stage at the start of every category and pretend like they all still have a chance.

Holy crap!!! For the first time, like ever, Miss Canada made it past the first cut. Yay. Without a doubt, she has the best hair in the competition.

Holy mackinolee... Miss Canada just made it past the evening gown. I think the end of the world is upon us. No offence to my much beloved country... but... we never win at anything... except maybe hockey... and we didn't even win at that this year. Did you know that Canada has a soccer team? Didn't think so.

The swimsuits... they are white. They look like a bra and panty (hate that word) set... I'm calling Miss Puerto Rico to win the whole thing right now. Although Miss Canada has really, really great hair. Isn't it all about the hair? Re: uber losers... for ever 20 wearing a white bra and panty set, there is one wearing a one piece... who decides which total uber loser gets to wear the granny suit?

Poor Miss Peru... she tripped...

Miss USA... sorry my American friends... she looks like she has some sort of unfortunate head twitch...

Miss Israel... even I want to do her in her l'il bikini bra/panty set...

And now, the consolation prizes... The only thing that stands out is that Billy Bush is a prick.

Final five:

Mexico, Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic, Canada (Holy feck), Venezuela...

Um... One of these things just doesn't belong here... one of the things just isn't the same...


Completely random Miss Canada fact: Did you know that "Miss Canada" is the top search word people have googled to find my blog? I feel that somehow, I am an honourary Miss Universe contestant.


Question period. Apparently, the questions come from other Miss Universe contestants. If I were Miss Canada, I would ask "What was the most embarrassing thing you have ever done after downing a 26er of Gin?"

Dude... Miss Puerto Rico... never ever open your mouth, ever again.

Dominican Rebublic... adorable. "Men should not copy other men... that's what makes them real men". i hear ya sista.

Miss Canada... She bought and read "Miss Universe Questions for Dummies"... and I would wish for world peace and for all the puppies to be happy.

Venezuela... her question sucked... not her fault she answered it badly.

Mexico... sorry girl. You were so blah, I don't even remember you.


And the winner is.......................................................................

Holy Sh*t....

The anticipation...


Miss Canada is Miss Universe 2005. You could knock me over with a feather.

Not since Jean Chretien said that we would not go to war in Iraq have I been so proud to be Canadian.




Cascadia said...

Shut Up! Yahooooooooooo!

mollyblogger said...

Thank god for your play-by-play, Bea. I really had no idea what I had missed out on until just now... and now I can go about life, knowing that I'm still in the loop.

(And Canada has a soccer team? Weird.)

Beatrice Petty said...

Now, now Molly...

No need to get all hoity-toity just because you were out glavanting around town until all hours of the morning.

I like to think that I provided a valuable public service in my play by play.


Anonymous said...

Why do people thinkg their lives are so interesting as to post to the internet?

If you can't spell it, it isn't worth reading.
Better yet, if you can't compose a grammatically correct sentence, perhaps you should spend your time in grammar class and not pretending to be a social commentator!

mollyblogger said...

My gratitude was sincere. I truly believe it WAS a public service you did. Otherwise, I would have been SO bored at the water cooler this morning.

p.s. Galavanting (or 'glavanting' as you call it) is overrated. Why go out when you can stay at home and oggle girls in bikini bra/panty sets? Really now. I've got to reprioritize.

mollyblogger said...

My Letter to Anonymous:

Hey asshole.

Your lisp is showing.


wee said...

What's up with anonymous?

Anyways Bea, I too watched Miss Uni in amazement last night. I was at the edge of my seat! My heart was pounding, my palms sweaty - and dammit Miss Canada rocked on Israel in the bra/panty comp! Yay Miss Canucklehead! Hey, she's from Toronto - do you know her?

Beatrice Petty said...

Wow... Mr./Mrs. Happy Anonymous...

I am assuming that because there is a glaring spelling error in your lovely comment that it is also not worth reading? Whew, good to know.

"Why do people thinkg their lives are so interesting as to post to the internet?"

Pardon me, my grammar is so horribly atrocious that I have not a clue what that even means. I am sorry you feel that I am people thinkg my life is so interesting as to post to the internet.

I am people thinkg that you should steer clear of this post to the internet from now on.

Yours Truly,

ps. Thanks for thinkg that my little blog is a social commentary. It was intended simply as entertainment for my friends... but social commentary... like WOW! That's the big leagues baby!!!

pps. Why do I always get the anonymous blog haters?

LuckySpinster said...

holy south american tiara, batman!

i tuned out at about 10:45pm last night. i liked miss canada but was convinced she wouldn't win. woohoo! she won! yay for canadians. yeah, i saw miss peru trip. and miss usa was embarrassing in her little barbie doll voice and deer-in-the-headlights eyes.

hey, you're no one 'til someone hates your blog. haters lick wenis.

you know who else licks wenis? billy bush. figures--he's related to george w (nephew or cousin or something).

Jay said...

I didn't really watch the show, but I must have flipped by right at the best moment because I caught that little slip. I was embarrassed for her!