The World's Worst Movie???

The Pacifier???

Vin Diesel what the *#@! were you thinking???

thumbs down

The roomie and I decided to partake in a little eye candy flick last night. It had Vin Diesel, a particular favorite of Molly's, but I wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers either. Vin Diesel doing a family comedy? I was willing to give it a chance.




I cannot get the vision of XXX singing the Peter the Panda song (think "I'm a Little Teapot") and doing little bunny hops, out of my brain. It was just wrong. All of it! When I think/fantasize about Vin, I don't want to hear babies farting or have him say "googoogaga". I just DON'T. This movie single handedly ruined any future Vin Diesel sex dreams that I was destined to have. That being said, even without hottie Vin, the movie would have been metarded.

Thank You Disney for that 1 hour and 47 minutes of my life that I will never get back!

During the movie last night, Molly turned to me and casually mentioned that The Pacifier was, in fact, probably the worst movie ever made. I disagreed for I felt that there had to be a worse movie, but I was hard pressed to come up with any other ideas. Upon further examination of this issue, my brain did come up with some terrible stinkeroos from past years.

The Talented Mr. Ripley... had the potential to be good and it wasn't so bad until the last half hour or so. This was a case of a movie that should have ended about 2 hours in, and there was an ending they could have chosen... but they did not. I saw this movie with Wee. As the last scene was ending, it was all we could do to not burst out laughing... but then we could hold it no longer. We ran out of the theatre laughing hysterically. That had neither happened before nor has it happened since.

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band... Peter Frampton and The Bee Gees. I think everyone should see this movie if only to realize that it is possible to ruin the the magic of The Beatles.

Eyes Wide Shut... truly no point to this movie whatsoever!

Napoleon Dynamite... Already discussed in a prior posting.

Mean Girls... Lindsay Lohan. In the words of one of the kids from the movie last night... She is one SKANKY cookie (why a screenwriter would think it's appropriate to describe a girl guide cookie as "skanky" and to have it come out of an 8 year-olds mouth is beyond me)

Just a small list and I'm counting on my loyal readers to embellish it. My brain has already checked out for the weekend so it was with much effort that I put fingers to keyboard today.



mollyblogger said...

Okay, first of all, it was the Peter Panda dance... and you missed the last installment of it (which was truly disturbing, I might add).

Also, since Vin was my celebrity boyfriend, I now feel the need to publicly break up with him. Because of this movie. If he goes back to grunting and they do a movie with him lathered up in muscle grease.... well, I might consider taking him back.... until then...

My votes for worst movies EVER go to:

From Justin to Kelly. I don't care how much you liked them in American Idol. Seeing them spontaneously break into song while literally dancing around a nauseatingly cliche plot is well... unforgivable.

Eyes Wide Shut. This was obviously an external representation of what Kubrick thought about while masterbating... and I'll NEVER get those 9 hours back. NEVER.

Signs. M. Night Shamayawhatshisface... oh god. I mean, really. There are no words.

Ghosts of Mars. Want proof that this is a piece of turd? Watch the commentary. John Carpenter made plot decisions "on the fly". Thus proving that "on the fly" is NOT how you write a movie.

Okay, I'm all wriled up. Gonna stop now. I'd say Glitter but I haven't personally seen it, so I can't.


Beatrice Petty said...

LMAO... poor Molly. Didn't mean to get you all hot and bothered.

Isn't there some Kevin Bacon movie that you thought was one of the worst ever made? Lawnmower Man???

mollyblogger said...

OMG!!! YES!!!

Hollow Man. Or should I say hollow plot... there was just no thought that went into this... or more specifically no intelligent thought. It was like "Woo hoo! Kevin Bacon wants to be in it... and so does that chick from Cocktail and Adventures in Babysitting... woo hoo!! Um, but do you think sales will be affected if Kevin is, like, invisible the whole time?

I wish that movie had been invisible. What an awful waste of a good budget.

[Shudder] Thanks for the nightmares, Bea. I had, until that moment, managed to banish that movie from memory.

LuckySpinster said...

okay, like, now i really wanna see that vin diesel flick. just for giggles.

eyes wide shut was THE stupidest, most pretentious flick ever made. made me wanna bash my head into a piano.

the english patient--same thing. ponderous and "important." BS.

mean girls was fine but coulda been lots better. i figured it was gonna be formulaic so my expectations were low.

i enjoyed napoleon dynamite 'cause i watched it with my sister and we giggled all the way through it. then i found myself connecting to hot guys by quoting the film in bars. so i liked it more.

the talented mr. ripley was pretty good i thought, but then, i was dating a guy who was depressed and unsure whether he was straight or not so i think the psychology of it was what i found interesting.

www said...

One word, PIN.

wee said...

oops, i meant wee (I just had a liquid lunch). Is it the weekend yet?

mollyblogger said...

PIN?!!! Shut up! That was an AWESOME movie. That ranks under so bad it's good....

The part where the nurse has sex with the doll... you can't beat that kind of entertainment.

Beatrice Petty said...

Wee... Holy Mother of God... I haven't thought of Pin since... well... obviously I haven't thought of it in a while...

Yes, the nurse having sex with the medical dummy was memorable, but I can never forget the plastic covers the parents had on their couch.

Molly... under "so bad it's good" would be GOTHIC... nothing beats that crazy ass movie!

ps. wee... your memory scares me.

LS... English Patient was super... you crazy!

wee said...

Bea, are you kidding me? How could I ever forget Pin? I will never forget you doing that Margo Hemingway (or whichever crazy sister is was) saying "Bacshter"!! Hahahaha

Beatrice Petty said...

yeah, but Wee... sweetie... that wasn't Pin... that was some crazy B soft porn movie... inner sanctum or something stupid like that.

Bacshter. I forgot about that... lmao.

wee said...

oops! how embarrassing! why did i ever let you pick the movies??

mollyblogger said...

Um, I'm not even going to ask why you guys were watching soft porn together. That's just none of my beeswax.

LuckySpinster said...

what's PIN? is that an acronym or the actual name of the movie?

gothic is great.

Courtney said...

Worst movie ever... The Anchorman. There's probably more worse than this but I can't recall any from recent times. The husband and I tried to watch it together- he was stoned and I normally feel obligated to give movies and books their full run before I say I hate it but... that one got turned off right after the strange acid trip "sex" scene. It was ridiculous.

Beatrice Petty said...

Ah yes, The Anchorman... good one Courtney. If it were not for Steve Carrol playing the retarded weatherman, I don't think I could have sat through the whole thing.

Will Ferrell, what were you thinking?

highcontrast said...

"Enough" - with Jennifer Lopez.
I know what hell looks like. It's a huge movie theater. You're strapped to a chair with heavily salted popcorn, no soda, and "Enough" is playing in an endless repeating loop.

Beatrice Petty said...

In fact, one could argue that ANYTHING with Jennifer Lopez should be included. Her AND Richard Gere... is there any wonder why I never saw "Save the Last Dance"???

former pnb said...

No word of a Grandmother's Retirement Home is showing "The Pacifier" tonight...maybe the over 70 crowd will "get it".