Tuesday

Dag Nabbit

Stupid CSBF (casual sex between friends)... rearing it's ugly head.

I had this promising Mr. July. He was tall. He seemed nice. Quite funny. I wasn't even going to hold his IM against him. Until about 2.5 seconds ago that is.

"So, you looking for a husband or a friends with benefits sort of thing?"

Um... like... since when did potentially going out on a date with someone become so black and white? I'm not super keen with the whole csbf thing, but neither am I looking for a husband. Let's think somewhere in the middle shall we? Sadly, this gentleman was just looking for a bit o'casual fun. I thanked him for his honesty and explained that I was not that kind of girl. It's not that I have anything against it, it's just that putting that label on it before you even meet someone puts all this stupid pressure on something that is supposed to be fun and pressure-less. I then tactfully reminded him that there was a specific area on DevilLife that was set aside for people interested in such relationships. I don't think he appreciated my little suggestion. Next.

I think I am going to start my own dating site. I will include the following categories so as to make things clearer for both parties involved:

Looking for a spouse: This section will be dedicated to those who are so in want to get married and/or be involved in a serious relationship that they are willing to forgo the usual "let's get to know each other before we decide to move in together"... and "you don't completely annoy me so let's get married, at least we won't be alone".

Hey, I'm normal and I'm open to a relationship: This will be for those people who are not desperate for a serious relationship, but if the right person comes along, they'll be more than happy to go with the flow. Note, this category is a complete opposite of the "I only want to knock boots" category below. Also note that this category will have the fewest number of people in it.

I want to date a million different people and completely exhaust myself in the process. Chances of a second date are slim to none: For the guy or gal who wants to date so many different people that they have no hope of actually keeping them separate from each other. You'll know these people by the length of time it takes for them to respond on an msn chat (as they are chatting to a dozen or so other people) or the amount of erroneous information they throw back at you ("you're the one with the sister who lives in Santa Barbara right?"... um, no).

I just got out of a serious long term relationship last week so let's jump right back into another one: This will be the sadest of all the categories and will come attached with the warning "enter at your own risk". May also come with counselling with the purchase of a certain number of credits.

I don't actually want to go out on dates, but I do want to waste the time of the people who do: A couple of different types of people will fall under this category. First, there is the sort who are very quick to give you their email/msn and then chat incessantly for weeks on end without even suggesting a meeting. Eventually you fall out of touch with these people and nothing happens. The other sort are those folks who insist on trying to communicate with you when they live on the other side of the world. You may think I have the worlds most beautiful eyes, but that is going to do me diddly squat when you live in Australia.

I say I want a relationship or to meet new friends, and when hell freezes over I may actually meet someone worthy of me, but mostly I just want some nookie (informing your date of this fact is optional): Will, in all likelihood, be the largest of all the categories because hey... who would ever turn down free nookie if they could get away with it?

I'm not even going to pretend that I want anything serious, all I want to do is knock boots: The most frustrating of all the categories because one desperately wants to be irritated with these folks for only being interested in a physical relationship, but one must also commend them for their honesty.

Now all that is left to do is to come up with a name for this new and VASTLY improved internet dating site. How about:

"Letscutthruthebullshitandadmitwhatwereallywant...

breath...

sothatwecanallbeonthesamepage.com"

Or something like that.

Beatrice "webmistress extraordinaire" Petty





4 comments:

girl said...

OMG!! I cannot stop laughing! Oh Bea, is it sad that we know too much about DevilLife that we can write 'howto' books on the subject? You forgot one category though...the 'I'm not that great looking so I'll put up fake pictures of myself, reel you in by my lies, try to entice you to meet me and then when we say 'no', try to stalk you by using different email addresses (as if we're that stupid!) Oh! Oh! And how about the...'I know you from highschool and even though we didn't say 2 words to each other then, I am going to write you a pornographic cover note/resume about myself and what I would like to do with you should I get my little hands on you. Oh! Oh! And how bout the...'I'm not really on here to meet someone since I met this great person the other day, but I need some advice, so I'll just pretend that I'm really interested until I get the info that I want...and then I'll diss you'

Boy, I am really going to miss Lava when I find that someone special (input sarcastic face here)but in the meantime...it certainly makes for good stories ;)

Beatrice Petty said...

LMFAO... Oh Girl, t'is true you have far more horror stories than I. Agreed, we'll add your categories in too. Especially the "You wanna picture of me? Well, how about a picture of someone else that is not me?". I will never understand the thought process behind putting a picture of someone else up in the place of your own... no matter how unfortunate your appearance may be!!!

Crazy people are funny! Sometimes. When they aren't stalking you.

mollyblogger said...

And I quote... from an IM on DevilLife:

"'you have a msn?"

"you like sex?"

"what your phone number?"

I picture it being said with a thick Chinese accent. Note, there was no response on my behalf.

What category do you think? Time waster or knocking boots?

Beatrice Petty said...

Molly... I think you could safely place that one under "boot knocker".

I had a "time waster" this morning... some islamic dude from France wanted to be added to my msn. Thank you byebye.