Monday

Of Bunny Boilers and Stalkers

One of the very first guys I went out with from LL last year was this adorable English bloke. He had crazy red hair and held a PhD. in Chemistry. He was as obsessed about Canadian culture as I was about British. It was an interesting combination. Of course, it didn't work out and after many, many months we have since re-connected and I now count this gent as one of my friends here in Toronto.

I bring him up, not because he is a stalker himself, nor am I a bunny boiler, but an issue has come up of late that relates somewhat to the topic. In one of the first emails that Dr. Chemist sent me, he p.s'd asking "you're not a bunny boiler are you?" At the time, I had never heard the term but as I feel that bunny rabbits are very cute and I don't eat them, I really, really hoped that I wasn't one. Well, I'm not one, but I have heard many, many stories from people who have had the misfortune of coming into contact with one. Essentially, a bunny boiler is a girl (or a guy, but typically a girl) who just cannot accept the fact that a guy (or girl) is not interested in her (or him) and will go to the utmost lengths to get said guy (or girl) back. In the case of Glen Close in Fatal Attraction, she felt that boiling his daughter's pet bunny was the key to Michael Douglas's heart. She must have been wearing her "bad idea" jeans at the time.

Listening to Dr. Chemistry's stories, he had indeed had many bunny boiling experiences... so many that I wondered to myself why he even bothered dating at all. He really seemed to have this knack for meeting girls with a predilection to be, well, a wee bit unstable, I guess you could say. Poor guy. He's super nice... charming, funny, smart...

Enter Girl... good friend... and not unlike Dr. Chemistry in many ways in that she too meets her fair share of crazies. While I have met many the odd person on Lavalife, never have I had a bunny boiler experience such as those experienced by the good doctor, nor, has the following happened...

When you join an online dating site, you assume that because you are being honest (Oh, you might exaggerate slightly because you ARE selling yourself afterall, and a little bending of the truth is to be expected... ie. the picture you have up was taken 3 years ago when you still had hair and you may be now follicly challenged... don't get me wrong, bald is absolutely sexy if you wear it with confidence...better that than a Donald Trumpesque "don't you know that everyone knows that you don't have a full head of hair" thing... Bea likes bald men.. a completely unrelatedtopic to the one at hand, so we'll just go back to our regular programming....). Anyway, so you can assume that maybe the person does not look exactly like the person whose picture you are looking at and in fact, the "sometimes optimistic" part of me thinks that many people look much better in person. The former-PNB is an example of someone who is much more adorable in person than he is in a photo. Some people choose to not have any pics up at all. I find this slightly disconcerting but can empathize that maybe this person has a job or something where he/she does not want just any old person to see that they are wookin pa nub. But for a person to put up a picture of an entirely different person altogether??? Now that's just... ick.

That I know of, this has not happened to me. At least, it may have but I never got around to meeting that individual. Girl on the other hand... poor her. It has happened to her on more than one occasion. The latest, some creepy guy who labels himself Dorian Gray (which, if you know the story of Dorian Gray makes it even uber creepier)... is now completely and utterly obsessed with her. As the time of their meeting grew ever closer, Girl politely turned him down when he came clean and admitted that the picture she had seen was not, in fact, him... but she was still willing to talk to him if he sent her a real picture... Wow, now that is super nice. Here, a guy had just blatantly lied to someone and because they are genuinely a good person, is willing to give them the benefit of the doubt another chance. And send another picture he did.

However...

suggestion for any guy out there who has considered doing this... a naked picture of your torso is NOT a substitute for a head shot...

After sending many pictures of just his pale little body and being asked politely to never contact her again, his communication has now passed the boundary of impropriety to the point that it's now quite frightening. He sent a picture today that I was going to post**, but my modesty prevents it. There is no place for pubic hair on Beatrice Petty... Why oh why does this happen??? No stranger to having a stalker herself, Bea can totally empathize. I made light of mine on my blog, but it still didn't make it any less scary for me. At least he never sent me naked pictures of himself sans head... Seriously, who takes naked pictures of themselves?

Luckily, my stalker up and moved out of the country shortly after he started and I have only heard from him a couple of times since... mostly inviting me to join one one of his friend's networks. Thanks, but no thanks. Obviously Girl's nut job isn't getting the hint. Poor Girl. If anyone has any suggestions on how to get an obsessed fruitcake to leave you alone, I know we would both like to hear it. My solution was to just pretend that it wasn't happening, to not return phone calls, or emails etc... I was lucky, it could have been much worse, considering he knew the general area where I lived and my transportation route home etc... I did change the timing of my travel for a while but it would still not have been difficult to find me... After all, I am so gosh darn adorable that I tend to stand out in a crowd (don't worry, my eyes are rolling). At any rate, the whole thing is very disconcerting...

What of your stalker/bunny boiler experiences? We have all had them at one time or another. Might make Girl feel a whole lot better to know that she isn't alone...

Laters!

** Due to popular demand, you can find the picture here. Don't be gettin' all jealous of Girl now!

9 comments:

mollyblogger said...

I have one word. Rod.

TheatreChick73 said...

The only time I had a stalker it was in college. We met on a message board and he kept telling me he was coming to see me. His emails came from libraries that started in Illinois then moved into Ohio then PA. CREEPY to say the least. I think he got arrested or distracted by something shiny cuz all of a sudden he dropped off the map. PHEW~

Most sites have a blocking mechanism and even if said stalker is directly emailing said stalkee directly, you can still report stalker as innappropriate to the web site. Then block stalker email addy in your Inbox.

I must say I am impressed you had even one successful contact on LavaLife. Any contact I got off there was just looking for quick hookups and buddies. Quite literally "What are you doing tonite? Wanna meet me at the BK parking lot?" I very quickly got off there. LOL

Beatrice Petty said...

TC... I wouldn't go so far as to call even one of my lava contacts succesful (still single remember), but as the former-PNB and Dr. Chemistry are friends now, I suppose you could say that... I also mostly get the "boot knockers"... or the "just got out of a serious long term relationship"... argh.

Re: Girl's stalker. He already was blocked once, but then he realized it and changed his email address. He's been blocked again. I guess only time will tell if he actually gets the hint. The final option is for her to change her email addres completely. It is only an email address after all. Much less important than one's personal safety.

M: lol... Rod. What a nut.

Kc said...

Whoo! that is more than a torso, especially for work.

Block the email addresses (I heard yahoo allows you to block regions that things come from and type of names, rather than one address...), screen calls and just lay low.

OR... approach him on the date site as another girl with a fake addy get him interested (to lure away from Girl) and then drop it. He will then stalk an address that no one checks!

LuckySpinster said...

kc has a good idea!

years ago i read gavin debecker's "the gift of fear" and it was one of the best books i ever read--tells you how to deal with stalkers, which is basically don't respond no matter what. they crave attention. act disinterested. acting pissed or scared just incites them more. stay calm and disengage completely.

TheatreChick73 said...

Nice one KC! Must make note of that for future reference.

girl said...

Thanks Everyone! He is now officially blocked....once again. If you ever come across an email addy that says Immortal_Lotus or Dorian_Gray...be afraid...be very very afraid!

lornStar said...

ohhh.. i don't know.. he doesn't look so bad to me.. hell, the only thing he really needs is a TAN!! HAAAAAA!! but seriously folks.. even the old lornStar has had an internet stalker!! years ago.. went on JDATE for a joke.. dated this whack job MARIS for four months.. who stalked me for FOUR YEARS!! FOUR YEARS!!!! needless to say.. it turned this hard hittin' hebe off his biblical brederin for a long long time!

Kc said...

Even a blind squirrel finds a nut occasionally...