Thursday

First We Conquer Hans Island...



And then we conquer the world. Mwahahahahahahaha.

It was bound to happen, sooner or later... silly co-inhabitants of this planet we call Earth. Oh, how we have pulled the wool over your eyes. We heard you laughing at us.

"Oh, those Canadians", you chuckled. "Look at their little military. It's so adorable."

Yeah?

Take that world!

With all the talk of this so called "coalition of the willing" vs. the "axis of evil", who knew that the final act of the play that is global domination would be played out between Canada and Denmark?

If recent reports are to be believed, it seems that Canada is hoping that this battle will be won, once again, by lulling the world into a false sense of security by not taking ourselves' seriously. Plans are already in the works to open up a coffee and donut shop. I suppose it'll only be a matter of time before Starbucks arrives on this tiny corner of the Arctic that no one seemed to give a rat's ass about until our malevolent and cunning Minister of Defence arrived on the Island unannounced and unexpected earlier this week. It seems that some of us in the Great White North feel that Canada is just too gosh darn small for our liking. By adding this piece of rock, all told about the size of a football field, the feeling had by all is that finally, there will be enough room for us to stretch our legs. And it's about effing time!

Stay tuned for updates in Canada's seemingly insatiable need for supremacy over all living creatures on this planet. And watch out Greenland, you're next!

Sincerely,

Bea

4 comments:

greg said...

bea, it is my understanding that the island has a immense underground deposit of ehs. as we all know canada uses far more ehs than any other country. as a native born son, i know that not a day goes by that i don't use anywhere for several hundred to several thousand ehs. i know this is but a fraction of what a typical canadian uses, but it is a great relief to know that once canada has established control and begins mining operations there will be enough ehs to last well into the 22nd century.

Beatrice Petty said...

Hence why Canada has such a strong claim... see, we are totally on the same page!

Have a good weekend eh?

TheatreChick73 said...

Ok, now I know us Buffalo/Niagara region Americans will put a Timmy Ho's anywhere (a Niagara Falls court had to reject a proposal to put a Timmy's not ONE BLOCK from another one, no lie) but I didn't realize you Canadians will.

Well, build it and we will come eh? Is there a direct flight tot the rock, I mean, island?

Have a great long weekend!

greg said...

since you mention donuts...what is it with the canadian love affair with donuts? i've been to toronto dozens of times and i am always amazed at the number of donut shops, coffee time donuts, country style donuts, galaxy donuts, tim horton's and a bazillion others. i don't think you can drive two blocks without seeing a donut shop.
a country with designs on world domination cannot succeed if everyone is having a coffee and donut. donuts are a truly wonderful pastrinomical delight. but they just lay there in your stomach defying the stomach's natural juices to just try and break them down. then they get into the digestive track and well, you know...the whole experience just leads to lethargy and that "oh, i might as well have another one, since i really don't feel like moving anyway, and geez, they are really good, eh? feeling".
you know, i would love to see canadian world domination, but, come on folks, get it together...put the donuts on hold and get out there and take care of business. just a gentle prod in the right direction...hope you take it the right way!!! have a great holiday weekend. (oh yeah, don't get me off on a rant about a holiday in august, eh!)