UBS guy
Originally uploaded by Beatrice Petty.
You remember that Mad TV skit with the hyperactive A.D.D. delivery guy... where he bounces off the walls and talks incessantly about the most inane and boring subjects? Did you know that people like that existed in real life?

Meet Charles. Charles was at our party on the weekend. Charles was the most annoying party guest you could ask for. He was the party guest who wouldn't leave... After horribly offending and annoying pretty much everyone at the party...

This aside is brought to you by Absynthe... now with the wholesome goodness of Wormwood... Mmm, hallucinogenic... That's good Absynthe...

So Charles gets this idea in his head to take a photo of some of us girls. None of us actually WANTED to have our picture taken by Charles... but that was irrelevant to Charles... and with the camera on his cell phone no less. After complaining about our lighting (no, we cannot RE-POSITION the spotlight so that it points out and not down...) and our other guests trying to give him some ideas... He stopped his hovering and exclaimed "JUST let me take the picture. It's WHAT I DO!!!" OK Charles... Cu-ckoo.

Cut To

2:30 and everyone had left, Molly to bed... I can't remember why I was still up, but I was... and then a knock on the door. Ooh, who could that be?

UH OH... It was Charles... left his cigarettes on our counter. No Probs, here they are... Good night... Um... easier said than done. For the next 10 minutes, Charles talked. He talked and talked and talked and talked and talked and talked... I couldn't tell you about what, because the only thing I was hearing was my brain working overtime (a lot of effort when you've been partying for 7 hours) to come up with a way to politely get him out. So, after 10 minutes of not being able to get a word in edge wise... I had a brainstorm of an idea... Why not just take a step towards the door? Say nothing, but walk ever so slowly towards the front door. How "out of the box". Could it work? It won't... It's too easy...

Praise the good lord above... IT WORKED. For every step I took forward, he would take one step back. It was like a tango of sorts... a very poorly choreographed and entertaining only to me tango. He left when I opened the front door but he continued talking to me all the way down the hall. He can't wait to hang out with us again.

Bye Charles. Thanks for coming to our party.


PS. Anyone know how to get a hold of those rude flight attendants from that SNL sketch??? Buh-Bye.


mollyblogger said...

Dude, Charles was f-ing hilarious. All I know is that he found out I was a Taurus and told me he was a Leo (go figure). Then I told him that Leo's were attention getters... to which he adamantly denied.

He denied it SO much that he insisted on illustrating just how little he enjoyed drawing attention to himself. To do this, he pulled out an umbrella. Opened it and stood underneath, hiding his face. He said "it's like I'm always under an umbrella." As everyone in the room had turned to look at the man under the umbrella, I just laughed.

"You know, Charles, you're right. You're so under the radar.

Beatrice Petty said...

Holy Shit... I remember the astrology discussion. I seem to remember him arguing with me after I told him that I was Aquarius and that we are known to be adventurous. He hadn't heard that, so I must have been lying.

Oddly enough, I don't recall the umbrella... I'm sure I was just in the bathroom... yeah, that's it. I was "in the bathroom". Yikes.

Jay said...

Why is there a Charles at every party?
Glad you got him out at least, you do not want a Charles on your hands for very long!

Cascadia said...

You know Bea, I am glad your body language worked. Don and I used to watch you at work, and you never had any "go away" body language. Never. It was insane. And really fun for us to watch. We never good figure out how you did it! A crazy person would be talking to you about "chemtrails", remeber those, and you would just be standing there. No sign of your hatred towards them! I was very much impressed. When I am thinking "Go Fuck Yourself", my body is saying "Go Fuck yourself". Where did this guy come from?

Beatrice Petty said...

"Go away" body language? That's funny.

I am slowly mastering that skill.

PS. How is Don?