Another one for the Files
Alright, I need someone to explain to me exactly WHEN having respect for our fellow human beings fell by the wayside? Dating woes aside... Seriously, I'd like to know.
So, this just very recently happened to a friend of mine... although why it has managed to not happen to me yet... by the grace of god... anyway:
Girl meets Boy. Boy lives in Colorado, girl in TO. Girl and Boy have a 2 month long-distance relationship. Despite Girl's reservations about said Boy (a child, no job to speak of), Boy manages to convince Girl that he is all that and a block of cheese. Boy relentlessly plies Girl with compliments, pleading with her not to date other people before they see each other. Boy cancels planned trip to Toronto for "work reasons". Boy convinces Girl to drop everything and come down for a visit. Girl relents, with Boy promising to pay half of flight. Boy continues calling, all the while with further declarations that he and Girl are MFEO. As Girl presses Boy for confirmation on a date to fly down, Boy conveniently encounters "crisis" in little home town of Winchestertonfieldville, Colorado (evicted from living with gay roomate because he "dissed" the neighbour who was relentlessly pursuing him after he slept with her and then the woman told landlord he molests small children, oh, and all the other women in town are in love with him). Boy tells Girl to hold off on the flight as he is heading to sister's place in another part of the state for the weekend to regroup. Boy tells Girl that all accusations are a lie and that things will be sorted out shortly and that he cannot wait to see her as they are still MFEO. 2 days later on MSN, Girl jokingly asks if the reason he hasn't called is because he has met someone. Boy hesitates. Boy tells Girl that he has hooked up with a friend of sister's over the weekend and that THEY are MFEO. Boy tells girl that he never meant it to happen. Boy tells Girl it he couldn't help it. Boy turns things around on Girl and argues that it is all her fault that she fell for him. So that he doesn't add insult to injury, Boy asks girl if she would still want to see him when he comes back to TO to visit his child. Girl tells Boy to go FECK himself. Boy tells Girl he doesn't like her tone. Girl throws phone out the window.
So, help me out folks. In what way can this "Boy"... and I use that word on purpose... how can he think that his behaviour is in anyway acceptable? It was just cruel for the sake of being cruel. And why have I heard tales from both men and women, of similiar goings on? I totally get that you can feel one way one day, and then have things gradually change. No problem. You cannot like everyone right? It just seems that there were a million and one ways this guy could have handled the situation and none of them involved an msn "I'm sorry, it just happened. Oh and by the way, it's all your fault for not having come down sooner". Yikes.
First off, I would suggest to this fella that he choose his words more carefully next time. Sometimes, us women really, really like to hear compliments about how cool, fun, pretty, adorable, witty we are. Sometimes compliments can make us feel really, really good about ourselves, especially when we've been having as rough go of things. But compliments and flattery in the wrong hands can be very dangerous. Very dangerous indeed. And in the hands of someone who is a tad unscrupulous... scary.
And it sucks... it totally does. Some men I've met wonder why us women are so weird about certain things. Why some of us don't like compliments (I hate compliments... I am mildy offended by them... unless you are telling me how funny and brilliant you think I am and then I am all over that... doesn't happen often though... sigh). We try and try and try to open up and trust men. To trust what they mean what they say to us. To trust that they aren't dating/sleeping/saying the same things to other women behind our backs. It is really really hard to do sometimes, especially when events such as the one detailed above happen to the people close to you. I've also met guys who have experienced their fair share of unscrupulous behaviour at the hands of women and are leary to trust wholeheartedly once more. I know it goes both ways.
"Duped again" was what this friend said after the whole thing had gone down. That totally broke my heart. No one should ever have to feel "duped" because they believe that the kindness of others is genuine and given without any ulterior motive. And it really is just too bad, that a few bad apples mixed into the bunch are enough to spoil the whole barrel. An experience with a bad apple stays with you far longer that one with a good apple. A good apple goes down just right and when you are finished with it, you go merrily along your way. A bad apple will make your tummy upset, give you gas and/or the runs. In some cases, it can send you to the hospital and incapacitate you for days. Sometimes a bad apple will turn you off of the fruit completely. At the very least, it will make you reluctant to eat another apple for a while... which sucks, because apples are good... especially granny smith apples. Yum.
Unless you don't like apples. In that case, please finish this sentence by inserting an analogy that speaks to you: A few bad ______ are enough to spoil the whole _____. I don't really know what the moral of this posting is except... Well... Do unto others, I suppose. Sorry about the rant.