And so, to sponge off of the ideas of The Roomie, who had originally sponged off the subconcious of Yours Truly... The attached image would seem to represent my love life at the present... or at least my perception of it. I must warn you, that despite the gratuitous shot of meat, the contents contained in this entry are a little more philisophical than what you have normally come to expect from Bea.
But before I delve into the psychology behind this revelation, an update on the Stalker is in order I think. So, it would seem that Ash is "leaving the country" next month. Why? I have no idea. Where to? Again, no clue. Do I care? Well yes...in so far as that I care that he will be out of the country and no longer down the street stalking me. He really, really, really wants to see me "one last time" before he leaves. The thought occured to me that maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt and grab a beer with him as per his request... But then that thought made me sick to my stomach. What could we possibly talk about?
"Ash, it was really great knowing you... Thanks so much for stalking me. It was really appreciated and made me feel very special and loved. Keep up the good work"
Cuckoo. Anyway, that's the update on that front... now back to the meat.
So, I had this dream last night. In essence, it had me coveting 2 slabs of juicy steak, of which I had taken the extra effort of picking out so that they would be just right. I was so excited to eat these steaks... on a side note... I must have been really hungry (or horny, which will make sense shortly). Anyway, I was so excited. I put the first steak down, and as I turned to get the other steak to put on the Barbi... THE HORROR... my first, perfect steak was gone. I was so upset... I yelled at the redneck chickie who was attending to the BBQ, but in her opinion, a steak was a steak was a steak and I should just get over it and pick another one. And then I woke up.
In many ways, this dream represents the TITANIC growth my emotional self has taken over the past few months, specifically with regards to relationships/boys and how I view them. Without going into too much detail, I used to confuse "I really like you, let's be together forever and ever" with "I get along with you, and I have no other prospects at this time, so we might as well date". I also confused "I like you Bea, but you are not 100% what I am looking for, nothing personal you understand, so let's call it a day before you get really hurt" with "You are digusting and no one in their right mind would ever want to be with you".
Sorry to have been so blunt, but there you have it. Anyhoo, what I am trying to say is that since I first began the Lavaffair, I have now done a complete 180. I am no longer willing to settle for "I think you are so-so... let's be together forever" because, I know now that I actually deserve "You are the only person I could see myself spending the rest of my life with"... and that's just fine with me thank you very much.
So, back to the meat... Since the loss of the PNB, whom I must give some credit for the exponential period of growth I have experience over these past few weeks, my concious mind (and heart) has embraced the fact that there are so many other fish in the sea. It was only a matter of time before my subconcious joined the party. Of course, I hate fish so my dream self would never actually allow me to dream about said seafood, so instead it chose some nice juicy steaks to represent the metaphor-- and in my humble opinion, even more appropriate considering the subject. Get it? Meat representing men? I told you there would be a sexual aspect to the whole thing!
So, while there is still a part of me who has some growing to do... hence why I was so upset at the loss of what I considered to be a "perfectly chosen" steak... The trailer trash BBQ lady really had it right when she told me to get over it and pick another steak already. Thank you Trailer Trash Lady!
Later,
BP
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