What can I say, except that I am no less sad than I was 3 days ago. And, that despite an entire weekend of reflection and lamenting, I am still no closer to being ready to let go of the PNB. It needs to be done-- this I know-- but like many difficut things in this world... it is easier said than done.
The answer to the main question is still waiting to be unearthed-- which is, how I could possibly have been so convinced, so sure that he felt one way... when he really felt another. So confused.
I was told by someone wise a while back that I should listen to my heart re: the PNB... let his actions point to the truth. This I did-- to distaterous consequences so it would seem. That will teach me to open my heart and emotions. Being cold and distant, living in my protective emotional shell seemed to have worked so well in the past, so why did I have to go and do things differently this time? Stupid Beatrice.
And if I sound bitter... I suppose I am. Without going into all the details, there was a part of me that felt that I had found "The One" ... hence why I am finding it hard to let go.
I am open to suggestions on how to deal with all of this. One of the explanations that Jeff gave me was that it was obvious that I liked him more than he liked me. The irony is that it took this to happen for me to examine how I truly felt. How interesting is that?
Petty Out
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