And like the Ballerina...

Originally uploaded by Beatrice Petty.
Beatrice has done a 180... of sorts. Of all the possible scenarios that I had come up with about how the meeting with the former-PNB was going to go down, I had never imagined that it would go the way it did.

I went there expecting to discover how I could have been so wrong in thinking that he had truly cared about me... to have my feelings validated in some way... to be reassured that yes, he did care, but that sometimes feelings change blah, blah, blah... Honestly, I really didn't know what to expect. After all, I was treading in new waters... the dumpee so rarely gets the opportunity to have the final say... at least not in person. But here I was, laying it all on the line.

Over the course of the nearly 2 hour exchange, which was much more 2 sided than I thought it would be, the end results were as follows:

1) Yes, Jeff did like me, at first. And then, when it got to the point where he had to make a choice to take it to the next level... it just wasn't there for him. And, being the honest and nice guy that he is, he felt it was better to end it than to have my heart even more broken later on.
2) It turns out that my feelings for him were no where near what I thought they were. I can hear the *gasps* escaping form your mouths. It's true.

It turns out... after much reflection about what I was really going to miss about the PNB, and some spot-on dream analysis by my personal psychologist Dee... that somehow I had turned Jeff into a sort of Mini Ian/Kelly, and that what I was really looking for in him was not a romantic relationship, but a bond à la the one I have with the above mentioned fellas who have since moved on and started new bonds/families of their own. How's that for deep? I still have some shit to deal with on this front, but I think... and hope, that my former PNB is now an NF (new friend)... something that I am definitely in need of in this town.


And now I need to come up for air!


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