New and Improved Smiles... Now with more cheese

I got a call from Girl last night about a show that was on TV. It was called Hooking Up and it has officially dragged reality TV down to a whole other level. Because online dating isn't pathetic enough, they have to broadcast it on TV for the entire world to see.

Continuing on in the theme of this topi and further to my idea from a while back about starting a more honest online dating site (which I have since decided against by the way as my tech savviness really licks... and also, I am just far too lazy to embark on a project like this...), I've decided to send in some of my suggestions directly to Lavalife.

For those of you unfamiliar with the way LL works, please allow me to present Lavalife 101.

First you decide on the criteria with which you will use to search for your soul mate/casual date/one night stand etc... You can be very vague or very specific, using such criteria as eye colour, smoker/non-smoker, drinker, hobbies, interests, religion etc... For example, say you are looking for a 4'8" blue-eyed, brown hair heavy smoker who drinks excessively, has 8 kids, no education and belongs to a cult. You can find that... with just one click of the mouse. It's just that easy folks.

Ok, so you've chosen your ideal type. Let the searching begin... A typical search will bring up hundreds, if not thousands of men/women who fit your criteria. And then the "shopping" begins. You browse through any number of pictures and profiles and determine whether or not someone is worthy of your notice depending on what you read or see. Should you deem someone worthy, the next step, typically, is to send that lucky someone a smile, although some people skip this step and fork over the dough and just email you or IM you out of the blue. This is so rarely a good idea, but it happens nonetheless.

Anyway, so you smile. At this point, Lava gives you the option of personalizing your smile. They do this in the form of a "I couldn't resist" drop down box. There are many options to choose from. If looks are your thing, you can send your smile along with "I couldn't resist... (I swear, these are real):

The fact that you are a real hunk
Your hair - you still have it
Your sex appeal
Your eyes
Your smile

If you are more about personality than looks, you can choose such little nuggets as "I couldn't resist...:

Your wacky sense of humour
Your style - I think we could have a lot of fun
The way you express yourself
Your honesty

Lava also gives you the option of asking a little teaser question at the same time. It goes a little something like this (again, taken directly from Lava):

"I couldn't resist... your worldliness"

"A little teaser... ask me about... My hot sports car"

I have actually had the "hot sports car" one thrown at me. I laughed. I laughed hard.

Now that you have a little edumacation under your belt, I hope you'll all fully support the new "I couldn't resist..." suggestions that I will be forwarding to Lavalife forthwith. To be clear, these new ones are to be used when replying to a smile received.

I couldn't resist...

...The fact that I have blocked you 8 times and yet you still feel compelled to delete your profile and create a new one so that you can smile at me again (this could then be paired up with the teaser "ask me about... the fact that I hate you").

... The fact that Dude, we slept together a few months ago and you wanted nothing to do with me afterwards. Thanks for reminding me about how badly it made me feel.**

... The fact that you feel it is more important for me to know what your dog looks like than you.

... The fact that you MAY have all your hair, but I will never know because you are wearing a baseball cap... Oh, and I assume you have eyes, but you are wearing sunglasses too, so it's all purely conjecture at this point.

... The fact that your picture is so obviously taken from a scanned magazine photo, that it insults my intelligence...

I think you get the picture. Lava people, let me know if you have any other suggestions and I will include them in my letter.


** So, um... yeah. This actually happened to me today. I went out on a date with a fella many, many months ago. The Friday date turned into a weekend-long fling. He was really nice and I would have very much been interested in spending more time with him. However, after the weekend was over, I got the "I had a great time, but let's just chalk it up to a fun spur of the moment kind of thing. Have a good life..." email. Anyway, he smiled at me today and I almost peed my pants (fyi, he also now knows about BP as he searched my handle and came across the site, so he is possibly/likely going to read this... which is fine... A, if you do end up reading this... it's all in fun... seriously... call me sometime :-). So I smiled back and he wrote me, to which, of course, I replied that he already knew me etc... Anyway, long story short, it's all good, and I trust he knows that there are no hard feelings at all... Would never had met the former-PNB if it had worked out right (and we all know how beautifully THAT turned out)? But it got me thinking... and a Thinking Bea just cannot, not write about what she is thinking about and... well... you guys know me well enough for me to actually have to finish this sentence...


theGuywiththeHat said...

So, I shouldn't use a pic like this?

Awwwwww! But, I look so cool in that one. No, really, I do. :)

LL sounds like it's more difficult than meeting people offline.

Beatrice Petty said...

GH... t'would not recommend that one as your main picture... Always feel like a guy may be hiding something... but there is this thing called a "backstage" where you can put whatever darn diddleyarn pictures you want to.

And yes, I am also starting to think that it is more difficult this way... Yawn.

Girl and I have another one to add to the list after the weekend, as we were both propositioned by the same fella to attend a threesome with his girlfriend at some hotel downtown... "I couldn't resist the fact... that you think I look like a dirty girl."