Tonight Beatrice is set to attend a martini party (or maritini party for you insiders) hosted by Girl. It will be fun.
Anyway... it seems that due to some people and their un-gentlemanlike manners, the party is in danger of being a couple of gents too short. T'is no nevermind to this lass, as I am saving myself for a visit from... well... I can't give you the details at this particular moment, but let's just say that my disastrous foray into the world of Beautiful People.net was not quite so disastrous after all... ahem...
So Girl says to me, she says "Bea, feel free to invite some of your peeps as some very un-gentlemanlike people may not be attending at the very last minute." So I says to Girl, I says "That is very un-gentlemanlike indeed. I will see what I can do", I says. A simple request with a simple solution... or so it would seem.
Now, I think you can all remember back to my last posting, or at the very least, have the capability of going back and reading if you missed it. In it, I referred to a fella who I fondly nicknamed Insulty McInsult. Now, in all fairness, Insulty McInsult was the first to respond to my call for help. How sweet, you may be saying... Um.... Please find following the abbreviated highlights of the conversation that followed.
1) Even though the goal is to have as close to an equal ratio of guys to girls as possible, it is not, in fact, an orgy.
2) Yes, there will be lots of cute girls there but I do not, in fact, have pictures of any of them. You will just have to take my word for it.
3) Yes, most people will be single, but it's just a party, nothing more... please refer to entry number 1.
4) Justifying all your stupid questions by saying that you are simply trying to get a feel for what you should wear is really not convincing anyone. If you think that wearing track pants and slippers to a martini party in Toronto is a good call regardless of the circumstances...whether the girls are cute or not, or if it is, in fact, an orgy... I'm thinking that being so tall (6'6") must mean the air is so thin that it has made you retarded (note... I was polite enough to not articulate this thought, although it was certainly top of mind).
5) You can spend 20 minutes mulling over whether or not the party will not be filled with freaky people and then decide whether or not to grace us with your godlike presence... but try not to tell me that you've spent the last 20 minutes mulling over whether or not you think the party will be filled with freaky people and that you have decided to grace us with your godlike presence. (Note... that I would certainly have tried to fill in as many people as possible prior to your arrival, that you are this big of an idiot, so don't be surprised if a lot of sniggers followed you around the party or that no one wants to talk to you.)
6) Just because I don't want to give you a picture of the hostess and/or her msn does not mean that the hostess is a hideous freak monkey. (Note. I tried to find there a nice way of telling him that the hostess wouldn't touch him with a 10 foot pole but he didn't pick up on it... Girl... it's your call. You too could have the pleasure.)
7) Sometimes an invitation to a party is just an invitation to a party. Nothing more, nothing less. Jesus.
The end result after all of this... he is not going to be attending... apparently, he is going to visit a friend in Barrie but had he had more notice... One can only feel but the deepest sympathies for this friend in Barrie.
PS... Did anyone catch the Little Britain reference made in the title of this posting??? I' so addicted... and have a new celebrity boyfriend in David Walliams... Tall, English and hysterically funny??? Sigh. At any rate it explains the fact that I made no reference to pirate memory games at all.