How To Win Friends...

Yes, yes... second posting today... But I've got something to share and it must be shared now. To make it short... I am still seeing my Irishman, but I am not "stuck" on my Irishman. He's very nice, and sweet, but... well... Anyway, I just "lava" met a new boy yesterday and I did my usual "I don't msn... here's my number. Call me" thing... But he didn't call so I felt the need to qualify my reasons to him... And so, feeling particularily inspired this morning, I wrote him. Will it work out? Probably not. But I have at least been highly amused all day at work today. Enjoy.

So, I hope that I didn’t frighten you by giving my number. I realize that it does seem a wee bit forward… And just because you haven’t been frightened enough… I am going to drag you into my world and explain to you the method behind my madness.

I hate Lavalife… I don’t HATE it. I’ve met some really nice people so I really don’t have any complaints. I just prefer to meet people the old-fashioned way. If you meet a someone in person, you don’t give them your email/msn address so that you can write back and forth for weeks on end. You meet someone in person and you get to know them via the telephone and in person.

I am a writer… I make things up. I’m good at it. I like to believe that anyone who I meet on Lavalife could just as easily have been a person I met while out and about on the town… say Chapters or the AGO.

Let’s say I met you at Chapters… in the um… World History section. You accidentally bumped into me causing me to drop the copy of “Polish History for Dummies” I was holding. You bent down to pick it up for me and said.

“Polish History for Dummies?!? That is a great book, I purchased it myself not a week ago. Very easy to read. I found the section on the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth period to be particularly enlightening”.

To which I replied “That’s so good to hear. I’ve been tipped that one of the categories on Jeopardy next week will be on Polish History and I want to make sure I’m read up on the subject”

… and from there, we continued talking about Polish History for a few minutes. I was very impressed by your immense knowledge on the subject and it made me curious as to what other subjects you were interested in and had knowledge of. I also thought you were very cute. But then we both had to go. You were double-parked and I had a hair appointment. But before we parted ways, you suggested getting together sometime later in the week for a coffee or some beers. I said that I would enjoy that very much. And then you asked for my number and said that you would give me call sometime in the next couple of days. And then we both walked in the opposite direction… You to move your car, me to purchase my book on Polish History… But we both had smiles on our faces.

The End

i guess it could be said that i'm all about proving people wrong. either that or i love a good yarn and would like to offer my revisions to said prologue.
Polish history unfortunately won't work. i don't know a thing about European, let alone Polish history. Can we go revise that to Chinese History? that way we can still say we were in the world history stacks and i won't get called on my inability to recall any of the key points of the Polsigh commonwealth period. So let's say i was holding a book on the Qi'in dynasty and you asked, "hey isn't that the empereor who unified the Warring States under one central authority and had all those terra-cotta soliders buried with him?". to which i responded - "wow! you sure do know your early Chinese history!" and then we can fall into the Jeopardy scenario. Which only furthered my resolve to get to know you cuz well, as i was thinking she's pretty darn cute and wow what a mind! that's sexy!
and second, and probably most important, it was my bicycle that was double parked! rather 'double-chained' as it were to this crazy low-rider that i knew must certainly belong to a latino gangster and for fear of my bicycle's life i had to move it before he came out of the boxing club around the corner.

but wait a second i forgot to get your number! but all wasn't lost just yet!
because you happened to notice that i had coyly left a business card in the book that i hastily dropped back on your shelf as i ran for the door -
and on it you were able to find a way to get in touch with me -

I opted not to go for the book on Chinese History as I figured that really only one of us needed to be an expert on the matter. Instead, I decided to pick up the copy of "19th Century European Peasant Costumes" that I had been DYING to read for months now. You just never know when that information is going to come in handy. Thus, I had no idea that you had given me your business card.
However, as luck would have it, that "latino-gangsta" just happened to be my hairdresser. Unfortunately, for you, you happened to put a scratch in his precious low-rider, but being the very nice person that you are, you opted to step into the boxing club down the street to seek out the owner of the vehicle. It just so happens that that boxing club ALSO doubles as a hair and beauty salon... and precisely the place where I had run off to get my hair done. Sadly, at the exact moment that you entered I happened to be mid-way getting my hair washed and thus had my head immersed in the sink. But VERY fortunately, I was able to recognize the distinct voice as belonging to the "oh so adorable... and so very schooled in the history of the Far East" gentleman who I had encountered briefly in Chapters just minutes ago and whose number I had failed to get. And while I was unable to get my head out of the sink due to the abundance of shampoo suds in my hair, you exchanged contact information with my hairdresser Juan (who thought you were hitting on HIM by the way)... and he in turn shared it with me.
I just hope that nothing happens to it on my way home...

you'll never believe it in a million years - so, as i'm walking home and being unable to wait for the requiste 'cooling-off' period to elapse before i decided to call. i say to myself "to hell with cool, things went swimingly with when we bumped into each other i'm gonna call her!". so i dial -
"hey, this is michael we met earlier today...?"
"si" to which i immediately think "strange, i didn't notice a puerto rican accent earlier". but, i quickly dismiss the thought as the conversation turned going out for drinks and "hookin-up" all the while a pervasive under-current of sexual tension wove it's way through the planning.
so, i head out to the planned rendez-vous. thinking, to myself wow what a forward thinking girl jennifer is to want to go out for drinks in "the village".
so i neter the darkened confines of 'zippers", glance around - no sign of you anywhere. i think to myself "she, must be running late". so sit myself conspicuously at bar and proceed to order a single malt scotch. after what seems like an eternity and a couple of scotches later who should come and sit down next to me at the bar? JUAN? as he says hello, i quickly recognize the voice as that of the caller to whom i spoke earlier! it seems i've been duped!
and well..yada yada yada..
boy is my bum sore today!!!!!

So there you have it... a a rather creative fellow... a nice change from the ordinary don't you think? Will keep ya'll posted.


ADDENDUM: March 31st, 2005: Just finished watching Jeopardy. The re was a whole category on Warsaw, Poland. Freaky!


Cascadia said...

he sounds awesome! good luck!

Cascadia said...

Okay - is that kismit? The whole polish thing....