The Adventures of Octopus Man and Cling-on Girl

Originally uploaded by Beatrice Petty.
Too long have I been silent on this subject. With the news of the pending nuptials, I have officially had enough.

The newest to come out of this whole train wreck (besides the engagement) is that Octopus Man has now hired a "minder" to look after Cling-on Girl as she does her Batman Returns promos.

Pardon me, but what exactly does a "minder" do? Re"mind" Cling-on Girl of her undying love for Octopus Man? I'm of the opinion that if you have to pay someone to re"mind" the love of your life that they love you, that there is something not right in the relationship. And by relationship, I mean publicity stunt.

I'm sorry, I am just not buying it. Perhaps it's because I am not into Public Displays of Affection. I've always felt that people who are touchy-feely-kissy in public are trying to prove only to themselves that they are in love. Of course, yours truly has been known to snog in public, but never without having consumed copious amounts of alcoholic substances first... cough... Bathurst Street... I suppose it's entirely possible that the happy couple is sloshed 99% of the time. It would explain a lot.

In some ways, the whole situation is reminiscent of men with small youknowwhat's buying larger than life vehicles or overcompensating with pumping iron/steroids. There is an air of insecurity and desperation about the whole affair.

The roomie would argue that it is well known in the entertainment industry that Octopus Man is not big into the fairer sex. This could also explain the non-stop PDA that we are bombarded with on a daily basis.

"I can't be gay if I am attached at the hip to a girl."

At any rate, whatever the deal is, it's just really, really, really annoying. So much so, that it has inspired me to write a haiku.

(for those who are fairly new to BP... good for you, the old BP, when written in Vic when she had a bf was decidedly bland... a regular feature used to be my honkus or driving inspired haikus such as:

Ode to the Left Turn Signal

Old person driving
Can you not hear that ticking?
Please, stop the blinking!)

Anyway, please allow me to present this CelebrityKu entitled:

Gag Me With A Spoon

Grope, grope, kissy-face.
Publicity stunt? Never.
Go see our films, NOW!

Beatrice (better now that I have gotten it out of my system) Petty


the songstress said...

Aww.... widdle Katie needs a daddy weeel baaaad....

Anonymous said...

Bea, I don't know why you just can't be happy for us. It was YOU that pushed me away remember! I'm sorry for the hundreth time for inferring that your cat may be a little portly. I guess you've lost that loving it's gone... gone.... gone..... whoa whoa whoa......

lets still be friends?
T. Cruise