Friday

What The?

OK... This just happened to me... and I kind of feel like I need to write about it before I forget.

So I'm on the subway coming home and I'm sitting there, minding my own business as one is apt to do on the subway in this town lest one happens to sit next to a potential stalker disguised as a musician... Hey... don't think it couldn't happen... because it could... and it did... So there I am sitting and doing the crossword puzzle when I do glance up and see a 20-something guy and girl huddling amongst themselves. They are pointing somewhere down the car and whispering... Conspiring... And then they proceed to go somewhere towards where they were pointing. I promptly forgot about the two white jean-coated plotters.

Until, that is, this obnoxious voice began booming through the car. Now, I am not sure how many of you reading this have been on a TTS subway car. If memory serves me correctly, they are slightly larger than a Sky Train car in Vancouver, maybe about 2.5 times the length of your average bus. Not Huber small is my point. So this voice starts up and I glance up to see that the conspirators are now engaged in a conversation with a raging Metro with the slickiest slicked back hair that I have ever seen. I shudder at the thought that there was possibly more grease on that head than all the oil that was produced by the OPEC countries last year combined, but my crossword puzzle called so I tried to ignore the Metro...

But alas, I could not.

It started off so subtly that at first I just thought that this couple had just randomly started chatting to the suit. And that's when I noticed that their matching white jackets were no coincidence. With a giant "Garnier" logo embroidered on the back, I suddenly realized that these folks were trying to sell the metro something. And then I saw that they were physically holding some products... And as the conversation grew ever louder, I began to wonder what the hell was going on. The booming voice of the metro made it IMPOSSIBLE to not overhear the conversation and I was mostly just annoyed that he was invading my personal ear space... Dude, I get that you really like the smell of Garnier Fructis products, but truly, I don't give a rats patoot...

And then the light bulb went on. Ding.

I had become a victim of what I can only describe as the advertising world's version of being Punk'd. In a normal world, Metro or no, it is just not possible for a guy to be that enthusiastic about fruity smelling hair care products, let alone whether or not said hair care products are available in gel or spray, or whether the gel and the spray both have that great fruity smelling aroma... And on and on and on and so forth. As I could barely contain my laughter, I wondered whether they actually thought they were fooling anyone. But just when I thought it could not get any more obvious...

"What a minute, are you saying that YOU, random other metro, who happens to be sitting down right next to where these Garnier reps happened to have just randomly approached yours truly and I just so HAPPENED to have a familiarity of Garnier Fructis products greater than most women... are you saying, fellow greasy albeit shorter haired metro, that YOU have this product in you hair right now? Right this second? Is that what you are saying? Wow, that's great... I love the look of your hair, the texture is amazing... So, tell me Garnier Fructis reps... And be honest... I don't want to a sales pitch, I want to know... is this stuff expensive... seriously tell me... And no bull... is this stuff going to cost me a fortune? No? Ok, so tell me where I can get it. Shoppers? I can get it at Shoppers? Awesome... Thanks... you guys are awesome..."

And then, because at that point only a mentally-challenged amoeba would not have clued into what had just gone down, all 4 of them left at the same stop, which coincidentally was the same moment that all of us poor schmucks on the subway had been given all the information that the script had said to give...

We knew that it smelled fruity and pleasant... We knew that the product was available in spray and gel, and worked on both long and short hair... We knew that men AND women could use this product... We knew that the product was inexpensive... We knew where we could get it... we knew that we that these people clearly could not get a job where they made any contribution to society whatsoever...

Good Times.

Bea 'As God as my witness, I shall never use Fructis again' Petty

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