Tuesday

Funnily Enough...

On the way home last night I did see an interesting solution to my little dilemma from yesterday (see previous posting). It was both "new" and "interactive" and would have involved many strangers. However, my interpretation of the instructions as laid out by my 100% completely accurate horoscope was that said interaction was meant to be somewhat inoffensive to said strangers, especially as it was specifically in reference to my love life...

So, when I got off the subway at Yonge/Bloor amid the throngs of other rush hour drones, I happened to catch out the the corner of my eye a spot on the floor which had text on it something along the lines of "stand here to download your ring tone." I glanced up and saw a nifty little advertisement with some sort of electronicalish type of gizmo that looked like it may or may not have had the power to magically transport a ring tone in to my cell phone, if I was only to stand on the spot on the floor.

It occurred to me in that moment that this could be my one opportunity to interact with my beloved strangers before I made it to my destination... my sparsely populated loft, which the last census put down at 3... assuming that a cat and a fish count as members of society of course. My place, my rules!

It's amazing how quickly one can have a detailed internal conversation. In the three seconds that it took for me to spot the spot, the ad on the wall, and then pass it... allow me to present to you my inner monologue:

"Man, why do people have to crowd the doors so that you can't get off the train and why does it have to be SO HOT in here... Hey, there's a spot on the floor... "Stand here to download ring tone"... how the heck??? Neat, there's something on the wall with an infared thingy, I guess that's where you download, what an innovative idea, whoever came up with that is a genius... wait, I could totally stand there and download while interacting with literally HUNDREDS of people by getting in their way was they rush home to their families... yeah, that's right, I could be THAT person... the person who stops right in the middle of the platform when hundreds of people are practically sprinting to make their connection so that just when you get in the groove you have to swerve to avoid them but in the meantime you've had to slow down just enough that you are sure to miss the train by the EXACT amount of time you lost while avoiding the inappropriately stopped person... Yeah, I SO don't want to be that person, regardless of what my horoscope said... it's just not worth it... Ew. The poster has a picture of some sort of skeleton or zombie... some sort of horror movie ring tone??? No thanks. Momma always said that zombies and skeletons... the undead in general were just plain old bad news and goodness knows my Momma has never steered me wrong before. So no thank you Mr. and Mrses. Marketing Wizards, I will pass on your offer to obtain a ring tone in the subway station UNTIL you replace your ad with something a little happier than a walking corpse because this girl does NOT need to be woken up in the middle of the night to the sound of my phone ringing like a flesheater coming to get me to eat my skin... Also, I suggest putting your little invention in a more appropriate place where people can actually use it without getting trampled on..."

Today's' Love Horoscope:

You don't need to settle on anything right away, so make sure that you've exhausted the field before making a choice.

Oh, believe me... I've already exhausted that field... and the next field... and the field after that... Time to let them lay fallow for a while, you know, to plant at a later date when the soil is more fertile.

Bea

2 comments:

wee said...

You're funny Bea. I wish I had a more profound comment to leave but I don't - just wanted you to know that.

Oh, actually I did want to mention how excited I was that MacKenzie Astin was on House the other night!

Beatrice Petty said...

Hahahaha...

Mackenzie Astin... Wee... Hilarious. Yes, I did think of you, but for some reason I didn't think you watched House. Now you are even cooler than I always thought you were!