With active nosebleed season upon me, martini parties, work tragedies, cats falling down stairs, accidentally climbing into bed with strange men (obviously related to martini parties), new video games and the like, I have scarcely had time to breath, let alone write.
However, have had time to peruse my new favorite site, E-Closure. Why do I love it so? because, although it pains me to admit it...
I am an E-Closure...er... er.
I know, it's pathetic and I'm sure this comes as no surprise to most of you and indeed, some of you reading this have even born the brunt of my desire to E-Close matters of the heart. I don't know what to say... there is no logical reason why I feel the need to do this except that it makes me feel better somehow... or at least it is supposed to.
That being said, I have also been the E-Closure-ee... a position that at first glance seems to be the better one to be in but, well, as some of the pieces on the site can attest to, this is not always the case.
It has been quite some time since I have been the breaker-up-er and while being the breaker-up-ee really really really sucks, being the breaker-up-er really really really sucks too. I would argue that it is the worse of the two. Of course, I am referring to those instances when the breaker-up-er actually cares from the breaker-up-ee but for this reason or that feels that to be in a romantic relationship with them is not doing either of them any good... as opposed to completely despising the person and relishing in the potential joy that you will feel when you know you will break their heart when you kick them to the curb... not that I have ever done that but... well, some people just aren't very nice... anyway.
So it's hard to be the breaker-up-er... just as it's hard to be the E-Closure-ee. Thankfully, being a girl, most guys don't feel the need to have closure of this kind, so I have not been at the receiving end very often, but the ones I have received have been very difficult. I remember one though... way back in university with a sweet guy who, sadly, was an emotional vampire so he had to go... shortly after I had ended things he came over to my place when I wasn't home and left a bouquet of flowers on my bed with a letter. I burst out crying when I saw the flowers. Five years later I was finally able to read the letter. And I burst out crying... five years later. It shocked me that someone could feel that way about it me. I felt very guilty that I had hurt someone like that which is why I could not bear to read the letter in the first place... denial ain't just a river in Egypt you know. Lesson learned? Guilt can and does last longer than any pain caused by losing someone you think is the end all and be all of time.
So where the hell am I going with this? I'm not sure, except to say that my new favorite site has left me re-evaluating my need for closure... Yes, as the breaker-up-ee, I may need it to make myself feel better in the moment but from now on I am going to do my best to have a little more empathy for the breaker-up-er although in a perfect world, the next time I will be neither.