Thursday

Call Me Sister Beatrice...

For after the visit the other day to Dr. Doolittle I have taken, involuntarily I might add but taken nonetheless, a vow of poverty. And like nuns, I have also taken, again involuntarily but taken nonetheless, a vow of chastity. And this got me thinking... why not just put myself out of my misery and make it official.

So I did some research and it looks pretty darn appealing to be honest. I am already somewhat mostly there.

Steps to Becoming a Catholic Nun



1.
Be Catholic or convert to Catholicism: I was baptized a Catholic so technically I already am one. So I faint every time I attend mass in a Catholic Church. So what. I'm sure I would get over it eventually. At the very least it would cause excitement among the sisters... "Oh, there goes Sister Beatrice, fainting again."

2.
Do not get married--or divorced: You can't get divorced if you ain't never been married. I am starting to think the super luck I've had in the land of dating might have been trying to tell me something all this time. And by "super luck", I mean "horrible disaster" of course.

3.
Get a college degree. Many religious communities like applicants to have at least a bachelor's degree before they take their vows: I have that... I have a bachelor's degree. Just when I was starting to think that it had been a complete waste of 5 years of my life (yeah, I was on the 5 year program, so what)...

4.
Find an order, or a religious community, that suits your beliefs and personality: Doing some research, some orders seem more apt to have fun than others. I would like my religious community to be one of the more fun ones. Board games are a must.

5.
Look for an order whose work interests you. You'll find everything from beekeeping and winemaking to teaching and family counseling. Benedictine sisters, for instance, work in education and service ministries, whereas Cistercian nuns are devoted to prayer and contemplation. You don't need to be quiet and passive to be a nun--some are antiwar protesters and others lead the fight against AIDS in Third World countries: Winemaking please! Although keeping bees would be fun too. Either one works for me.

6.
Contact the vocation director at the community you choose. Spend some time there and ask plenty of questions: I have no special plans this weekend.

7.
Move in for a year or two while you're still studying or working outside if that's an option. This period of residency will give you a good feel for the everyday life of the order you're considering: Moving in while continuing to work outside would alleviate the "poverty" aspect of this whole affair... kind of defeats the purpose.

8.
Go through the novitiate, or training period, which may last another year or two. You'll spend your time studying, praying and deciding whether you really want to become a nun: Always good to have an out.

9.
Take temporary vows of poverty, celibacy and obedience: Done, done and... um, we might have a problem with the last one.

10.
Take your final vows. If you made good on your temporary vows, you're ready for the religious life: Here comes Sister Beatrice... Winemaking, beekeepking, anti-war protesting, AIDS fighting nun extraordinaire!!!

Wish me luck everyone!

5 comments:

mollyblogger said...

Good luck, sister Beatrice!

May the Lord keep you and make you feel like a woman again...

oh wait. That sounded dirty. I guess the Lord can't do that. Is the Lord chaste? I mean...

Stopping now...

art said...

DOn't forget about your pets. You need to find an order that will let you keep them too remember

jootastic said...

That's awesome!

TheatreChick73 said...

Finally! A nun I will be able to relate to! After all my years being taught by them, it will be nice to know one that's wicked cool.

cessna said...

Good luck sistah!