For I have sinned. It has been *insert my age* since my last confession and despite my vow of celibacy I found myself having impure thoughts. A lot of them. With a lot of different fellas... Ok, there were not a whole lot to be found at the StampEx 2005 Stamp Show which was my big exciting outing this weekend (go ahead and laugh, I am used to being mocked for my passion for philately) so most of them were just some of my new Lost celebrity boyfriends... but they were impure nonetheless.
Also, I broke two more of the seven deadly sins. After watching the bonus features on Lost, I became enraged with envy at the creative talents of JJ Abrams and crew who seemingly put together the concept of Lost, for shits and giggles, in a matter if 2.5 seconds. Bastards. You will just have to use your imagination about the 3rd sin, but knowing that I sat around on my ass and watched movies and Lost AND played a few rounds on ye olde Playstation2 should clue you in to what it was. Sloth be damned, I love lazy weekends!
Five Hail Marys later and despite my weekend of wicked sinfulness, I find myself once again, inspired to tell a good story. It's amazing what kind of inspiration one can get from hearing about successes of others. It was also refreshing to know that I am not the only one who sits down to write without a plan. Of course, now I am going back and doing a lot of fixing up of my yarn, but the essentials and the story were originally written as if coming from no where. I would sit down and write straight for about 2 hours and then have no idea what I had put on the paper until I stopped to read it. Sometimes I amazed myself, for quite often the story took a turn that I had not envisioned. I decided not to fight it when that happened and instead, let it grow organically and ran with it. Sometimes the ideas weren't so great, but more often than not I found myself extremely pleased with the ideas that came without any forethought. It was really cool.
Sadly, the downside of becoming reliant on writing this way is that when the story all of a sudden stopped writing itself, I actually had to think about it. It was not so cool. I tried. I tried too hard. I forced the story and it started down a path that I didn't like. So I stopped. After a brief hiatus, I am now back to working on it, but only on some of the smaller, albeit important character development details and things of that nature. But of the story itself which is mostly finished but with still a wee ways to go... I want things to go back to the way they were when I first started. To be able to sit down, close my eyes and let the pencil (yep, old fashioned pencil and notebook) move itself. Until then, I will continue to look for inspiration hither and yon and carry my notebook around with me at all times... I want to good and ready when it comes back!
Beatrice "what the *#@! happened to my muse" Petty