What is Wrong With the Earth?

The last few days, Toronto has been experiencing temperatures, the likes of which I think can only been found on Mercury... Or maybe the Sun.

Except on the Sun, I imagine it to be a tad less humid. I also imagine that on the Sun, the subway would be air conditioned. And there would be moving walkways every where. And they would be air conditioned. And in the grocery stores, which even on Earth are air conditioned, on the Sun they would also be air conditioned, but on the Sun, everything that I wanted to purchase on that particular visit would be on sale. And all the cashiers would be pirates... But that is neither here nor there at this point.

Until I become the head of a grocery store chain that is... And I would name it 'Ayes'... and our slogan would be 'Aye's Buys are Always Fresh... Argh' and our TV commercials would be like the ones on TV that look like your Uncle Bob did, you know, with his camcorder, because, like, it was free... and I would come on the screen, with a fake sailing ship in the background and with a pirate voice say "Argh me Matey's... Cap'n Bea welcomes ye to Aye's, where our buys are always fresh and where we guarantee... Argh... the lowest prices or ye get ye money back ya Scallywags... And I'll walk the plank... that's the Aye's guarantee...Argh"... and I would be wearing a pirate hat... Oh, and a patch over my eye... Oh, and there would be a stuffed parrot on my shoulder...

Damn it's hot.

1 comment:

TheatreChick73 said...

I must say, funny writing must be one of your side effects of heat stroke. I'm laughing so hard right now...

Holy cats it's hot!