Wednesday

Je Suis Sorry

T’is a rare day when the old girl will apologize to someone about something she wrote on le blog. But here she is.

Former-PNB. It was a couple of years ago. I was such a b*tch. I’m sorry. I wrote many hurtful things. I myself was hurt. I liked him and he hurt my feelings. Such is life. I thought I was being creative and witty and self-empowering. What I actually was? Passive aggressive.

You see, he had hurt me. I did not realize it at the time but I wanted to do the same. So I posted about him. I posted things that while maybe were true for me at the time, were really not fair. We blogued. He hated me for a while. I hated him for a while. We made up during beers on patios. We’ve had our ups and downs. I wish we were less “let’s hang out when he feels like it friends” friends, but sort-of friends we kind of are. I’ll always have a soft spot for the guy.

I have a new friend. Or, at least I thought I did. Sadly I was wrong. To make a long story short, he was untruthful to me from the very beginning. Circumstances changed for him and me being the type of person apt to give people second chances (I am SO lame), I gave him a second chance. I know it sounds weird and under normal circumstances I would not have… but my stupid subconscious sort of convinced me otherwise. Things were really great for a while… then of course I had to get stoopid “pre” spring fever… wink wink. He suggested perhaps he could help me out with my little conundrum. I was like, hells yes, why not.

Nothing ever happened. It just never felt right. For either of us. I think it was more fun just fantasizing about it. But hey, I’m an adult. If it wasn’t meant to be, it wasn’t meant to be. I believe in threes… if after three times something does not happen, that is the Universe’s way of saying NO DEAL. Besides, he had hid MANY important facts from me and was all in all quite duplicitous so it was all for the best. But based on the way the whole acquaintanceship happened, I should hardly have been surprised.

And then very recently things got weird. Couldn’t put my finger on it. I knew something was going on and did question it, but was assured all was well blah blah blah.

And then, Bea got Bea’d. Zing.

It’s been several weeks now. And consistently things Bea does have been getting the “You know what I hate about Canadians… Everything Bea does…” treatment. I’ve tried not to play into it because that’s what us who are apt to be passive aggressive folk want. We want to make very general observations about very specific people. And we want a reaction. I did it with the PNB so I know. So I tried to hash things out in person. Only to be “You know what I hate about Bea? Bea?” ‘d. Actually, I think I was “quote un quote” called “presumptuously egotistical”. Which is really quite funny when you know me, for I am quite the opposite I think. But then again, my presumptual egotisticalness could be preventing me from realizing this in the first place. I need to find a way to channel this for I have often felt that I lacked in the ego department… to my detriment of course.

The end result? Well besides surmising that this individual read me wanting to have a little fun with him in the bedroom with me being interested in a relationship… There are so many things wrong with this that I cannot even… He just plain made me feel like a giant sack of rotten turtle shells (ew, beach smelly). I could not control what he had written for all to see, and even when I had tried to discuss how he had made me feel not for the world to read, and I thought it was over and done with, he continued to humiliate me, even when I as much as asked him not to.

And so now I know how I made the Former-PNB feel. Or not, for he may not have cared at all… But I was childish and immature. And I wanted a reaction. And I was too much of a chicken sh*t to let it go. Granted he is not a girl and never pms’d like the old girl has been doing for the last week. But still, in the future I will endeavor to always tell someone to their face when I take issue with something they have done. In this case I tried and it blew back up in my face so I must wash my hands of the matter.

PNB, I’m sorry for all the grammar school drama I threw all up in your face. Oh no you di’int… Oh yes I did. And I deserved everything you threw back at me.

T’is a pity because I really did enjoy sleeping… sigh.

Humbly Yours,
Bea "That Karma B*tch Slap Got me Good" Petty

2 comments:

former pnb / ulh said...

ahhhhh,

You know I never really took offence to anything, you didn't really say any hurtfull things. Usually it was just a case of "she said/she said"...just wanted a chance to give me perspective of what went down.

You're still a good person in my books.

Beatrice Petty said...

Nice try ULH... I was a passive aggressive freak... remember you did cut me out of your life because of it... But have hopefully grown up a bit... hopefully.