Dating for Dummies

So my date on Thursday night confirmed much of what I have learned-- as well as what has frustrated me-- over the past couples of years throughout these dating misadventures o’ mine. Certain truths are universal in dating and here, in no particular order, are a few of them:

1) If you feel like crap and desperately want to cancel your date because a night on the couch is so much more appealing than potentially finding your soul mate… you WILL end up having an extremely fun evening and feel like you have potentially found your soul mate… or at least someone that you would like to see again. Believe it or not, sometimes the latter is almost as difficult as the former.

2) Hearing things such as “The next time we get together”, “I’ll show you the next time I see you”, “I’ll email it to you tomorrow” and other such statements do not, in any way, mean that there will be a next time or that you will be shown something or receive an email about anything.

3) “I’m free Sunday” does not actually mean that he wants to do something with you on Sunday… or ever again for that matter.

4) Kissing on the first date means jack squat.

5) “We’ll have to do this again”, “I cannot wait to see you again”, “I’ll call you” and “talk to you soon” mean pretty much the exact opposite. Of course, that does not put an end to the kissing on that particular occasion. I’ve never understood the “I like you well enough right now to kiss you and tell you I really like you, but that doesn’t mean I want to ever lay eyes on you after tonight” logic. But I realize that I am as dense as a piece of wood.

6) “You are so funny”, “You are so much fun”, “You are so cool” and “I am having such a great time” are really very hollow statements. Personally I don’t say them unless I truly mean them but then again, I am a very lazy person.

7) Not hearing “Let’s do something on the day that I just now professed that I have free” when the date ends, instead hearing #5 (see #5) might seem perfectly lovely at the time… until the next day when one digests the fact that if he follows true to form with every other man you have ever gone out with, you will not hear from him again.

8) Thinking positive thoughts as per the former roommie’s suggestion is too much work (see #6, last line).

9) Not receiving a response to an email sent the morning after is never a good sign… He’s just not into you if… But…

10) Sending an email and have him not even open it and read it in the first place is even worse (and yes, he has been online… don’t ask me how I know this, I just do. I’m crafty like that). Funnily enough it’s #10 that is the worst of all the above. I should know, for I display the same behaviour when I no longer want to communicate with someone. If you think of it along the lines of “If I don’t open it then it appears as though I am not ignoring that person on purpose, just that I haven’t had a chance to check my email” logic, it makes sense. And yes, it is a total chickensh*t way to deal with things.

Anyway, so in short, the date went really well. It had been a long time since I went out on a date with anyone (think 2006) and even longer since I was actually interested in seeing them again afterwards. And kissing… Jesus lord, I can’t remember the last time I kissed someone. But, sigh, it was all for not. So sad.