The Joys of Being Me

You wanna know something weird? That I just notice about myself?

I apologize A LOT.

It must be the Canadian in me; we are after all apologetic by nature… but still.

I’ve noticed that I’ll say sorry in response to pretty much anything. I don’t actually mean it… not in the way that you do when you are truly sorry about something heartfelt such as “my dog just died” or “I broke my ankle and now it has to be amputated.”

To me, apologizing unnecessarily is like breathing. Normal people react to everyday dilemmas and occurrences with responses such as ‘yeah’, ‘darn’, ‘that sucks’, ‘really?’, ‘uh-huh’ etc... I, on the other hand, respond with ‘I’m sorry’.

If something happens to someone that is not totally 100% positive, I’ll say that I’m sorry… You were late for work? I’m sorry.

If something happens to someone that has nothing whatsoever to do with me, I’ll say that I’m sorry… Your favorite show was not on TV last night? I’m sorry.

If I do something that requires no apology, I’ll say that I’m sorry… It took 0.002 seconds longer to get out of my apartment because I have to jimmy the latch with a steak knife… Lord knows I am SO sorry.

My elevator smells. I’m sorry.

It’s raining out. I’m sorry.

I’m tired. I’m sorry.

I didn’t win the lottery. I’m sorry.

My cat ate my homework. I’m sorry.

I missed the Ikea sale. I’m sorry.

The batteries are dead on my flashlight. I’m sorry.

I need to get batteries for my flashlight. I’m sorry.

I went to get batteries for my flashlight but the store was closed. I’m sorry.

I accidentally threw my flashlight out the window and it hit that circus clown. I’m sorry.

I need a new flashlight. I’m sorry.

I think you get the picture. But like any bad habit, it can be kicked. I just need to replace my automated “sorry” response with something else right? Any ideas? Oh, you don’t have time to help me out with my little problem? I’m sorry.

Yikes