You know when you go out on a date and you get along really great but there’s no chemistry so you both mutually decide that you’re not into each other? So you decide to just be friends, and so you do. Quite good ones actually. And then you invite this person to come out with you at New Years because his plans fell through and you kind of feel bad. But you question your decision because you apparently have no faith in your friends and you start to worry whether or not they will think he’s way to nerdy to hang out with only to find out that not only do your friends think he’s pretty cool but that one of them thinks he’s kinda cute and would definitely be interested in seeing him again. So numbers are exchanged but the guy doesn’t act on it because unfortunately he has up and fallen for a girl he met online like the day before, only to have his heart broken within the first week due to a lack of chemistry. So now your friend is single and isn’t interested in putting himself out there until his wounds have healed so you guys end up hanging out a lot only for you to start thinking that maybe he isn’t as nerdy as you had once thought and you sure enjoy hanging out. At the same time you also come to the realization that you have been celibate coming up on a year and you realize that the pissy mood you’ve been in for a good month or two is possibly/ 100% due to the fact that you haven’t “gotten any” in waaaaay too long. And so you start looking at your friend… who may or may not be as tall as your favorite 6’7” soccer player and you start to wonder what it would be like to get squelchy with someone that tall. And your mind starts to wander to whether other parts of his body might be bigger than the average and what the hands of a giant might possibly be able to do with ones boobies and because your mind pretty much ONLY lives in the gutter these days (cough... naked Harry Potter) it becomes pretty much all you can think of. Not a relationship mind you, not even dating… just a night of naughtiness to get it out of your system and then back to being friends. And so your birthday rolls around and despite being worried about any awkwardness that might ensue because one friend never called the other one after New Years, you invite both and hope for the best. But instead of awkwardness, your two friends spend all night talking to each other which is great because you are far too hammered to pay attention to such trivial matters. And besides nothing, NOTHING can compete with the Harry potter Gryffindor scarf knitted specially for you by one’s former roommate. And so a week goes by and no one says anything re: calling or not calling or being interested or not so you still kind of think that this whole “sex with a giant” is still something that might possibly happen under the right circumstances (i.e. lots of booze). But then you find out that not only did he call but that they actually went out on a date and had a great time and have been talking everyday since and he invites her to a lunch the two of your are having for his birthday and to say goodbye because he is leaving the next day to go to Europe for a month. Which is totally fine because you’re not interested in him more than a friend, except to shag him, and if he has found romance with another friend of yours and you made that happened, then that is awesome, we should all be so lucky… And it does make one feel happy to know that they had a hand in introducing two people… But it also REALLY sucks because now you are back to square one—still just as bitchy and frustrated as ever but now even more so because it’s been that much longer… and who knows when you’ll ever get a chance to do the nasty with a Peter Crouch sized man ever again???
Don’t you hate it when that happens?