How Ali G Ruined My Life

Hey Everyone,

Remember me? That’s right, it’s Bea.

As usual, Bea hasn’t been writing because life has been so utterly exciting-activity free. But here is something to wrap your heads around… Before I begin however, I would like to stress that although it may seem that I am anti-short and anti-bald, nothing could be further from the truth. OK, well, short maybe, but I am quite fond of the bald/ balding man. Unless if course you are Joey Lawrence and then your baldness just creeps me out…

So we all know that I met a guy in July/ beginning of August. He was bald. He was short. We had a very fun night out that ended with what I now fondly call “DVD-gate”, where he lent me the second season of Ali G and I lent him my first season of House. Seemed like a fair trade at the time. I was reasonably confident that I would get it back after all, who would NOT want their second season of Ali G back? Am I right ladies? Then, of course, things took a turn for the annoying and the next month went a little something like this:

I really want to see you let’s do something on Friday… Oh, something came up…. But I really want to see you, let’s do something Friday… Oh, I have to work late… But I really want to see you, let’s do something Friday… Oops I broke my ankle and eff you for calling me a liar.

I did apologize for politely suggesting that he did not break his ankle and that he was full of foul smelling brown stuff, but in more of a Bart Simpson kind of way, where I didn’t mean it because I really do think the he was/ is full of smelly brown stuff but I hate confrontation so I just said sorry in the hopes that one day we could exchange property?

Anyway, at this point the above is really neither here nor there… old news. In the meantime, as somewhere deep inside I have accepted the fact that I now OWN the second season of Ali G and not House season one, I have no qualms about lending out said second season of Ali G to whomever I see fit to lend it to. And lend out I did… to a colleague who lives in my building who was itching to jump onto the Borat bandwagon. And, as my first foray back into dating culminated in I really want to see you let’s do something on Friday… Oh, something came up…. But I really want to see you, let’s do something Friday… Oh, I have to work late… But I really want to see you, let’s do something Friday… Oh, but I broke my ankle and eff you for calling me a liar… I am sort of lukewarm about the prospect right now. I swore that I was done with short, bald men.

Last week, enter short, bald man part deux. True, I had sworn myself off of short, bald men, but this one had a piece de resistance that I just could not, um, resist. Short, bald CANADIAN men, forget it. Short, bald ENGLISH men? All bets are off.

As (mis) fortune would have it, SBEM is also a big fan the second season of Ali G (I am sensing a pattern here…) and suggests that we get together sometime to watch it. Unfortunately, the copy of the second season of Ali G that I possess, which is not really mine but abandoned by another short bald guy, was not to be found in my possession at the time. Instead, it was in the same building in possession of my colleague who, although on the bald side himself, is not short. SBEM says no problem because, like any good short, bald man, he has his own copy of second season Ali G and that he would gladly come all the way over to my little abode that afternoon and we could watch.

Like, whatever. I had nothing else to do that afternoon anyway except laundry and if I had to choose between doing laundry and sitting on my ass… sitting on ass option will always win. Always.

Later that day, I could not help but chuckle to myself about the entire situation. There I was sitting next to a short, bald man while watching the second season of Ali G that he had brought over. Meanwhile, a copy of the same DVD was not more than 4 floors above my head in the hands of another bald man. The copy of THAT second season of Ali G having itself been brought to the building by way of another short, bald man.

Sometimes you just can’t see the forest for the bald men.

PS. Thanks to MySpace for their preview of Borat last night. I can’t promise that is the funniest movie ever made, but it’s pretty much the funniest movie ever made. Jagshemesh!